Out with Bill Simmons, in with Charlie Pierce?

No one has made me laught out loud on the internet more than Bill Simmons, but I'm still not feeling good about him today--especially since my parody of his interns could easily have passed for Simmons himself on an off-day.

I would then like to direct our collective attention to Charlie Pierce's article on LeBron, as man, myth, myth-man, and man-myth, in SI this week. Pierce is the only person other than Larry King to have appeared on both PTI and NPR's formidable Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me , the two poles of my time-wasting existence. This piece (it is really a "piece," an essay that happens to have James talking meaningfully in the middle of it) has some sentences that could easily have sprung from FreeDarko's ripe, mangy forehead—it's smart, overwrought, and grotesque in a way that invites awe and ridicule alike (let's see Mr. Hollywood, he of the effortless rhetorical come-on, do that!!).

Speaking of LeBron, which is all I ever seem to do, how come no one accuses freak physical prodigies like Bron or Amare of being on steroids? Let me make this perfectly clear--I have no reason to think they are. But seeing King James and Canseco-gate in the same table of contents, it's hard to not wonder why no one's attempted to make this connection (believe me, if it had dawned on someone, it would be out there). Is this crushing silence the second coming of Jimmy the Greek--of course "those athletes" would be marvelous specimens? Are steroids the new white man's burden?

To recap: down on Bill Simmons, canonizing Charlie Pierce because he resembles me, calling it a racist world because no one says LeBron is a doper.

I am not above deleting this post if none of you like it. I think I am having a bad night.


At 2/17/2005 7:59 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

i think they test for steroids in the nfl and nba. the nba doesn't test for weed, but they want to, which is dumb. i was actually thinking about steroids when i saw the picture of karl malone accompanying that story about how he ripped open and shirt and proclaimed that he was better looking and a better player than MJ. charley rosen's a miserable loser, though.

At 2/17/2005 8:06 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

because of the clear and baseball's high-profile obliviousness, your average idiotic sports fan probably thinks that steroids are always light years ahead of testing. those are the peope that get caught up in this thought-experiment

At 2/17/2005 8:35 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

B-Shoalz...if you spend any amount of time on the ESPN message boards, you will find the Lebron/Steroids topic as common as "More Rings: Vanessa Bryant or KG?" and "OMFG, Yao is SOFT!!!"

At 2/17/2005 8:44 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i guess that's reassuring. or disgusting. i've really set it up as lose/lose, haven't i?

unfortunately i never look at espn boards. i would think, though, that it's only really become true rabble wisdom when you hear reputable people forced to dismiss it out of hand

At 2/17/2005 9:33 PM, Blogger shoefly said...

I thought that was one of your better blog commentaries. My responses:
1. I agree, Bill Simmons is now terrible, I barely manage to get through his shit shwarma anymore.
2. I haven't read the article, but the guy sounds like a racist version of Ring Lardner.
3. I think You already know my stance on steroids (they should be mandatory and doled out under the supervision of team doctors like vitamins) as for why nobody claims Lebron does them, I don't know, it just seems so improbable. Also he's jjust too likable, like when Jordan was a degenerate gambler you barely heard a peep.


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