So Much Hatred

One NBA trimester, one NFL Regular season, and a Jim McMahon SportsCentury later, and I finally realize why football has surpassed our beloved hoops as the nation's pearl. The topic of discussion is a tired one, one that has been thoroughly debated on our very own website, so I will keep it brief and vague: The NFL consistently rewards and pleases its fans; when something goes wrong in the NBA the fans more often than not pay the price. On to the "fuck yous"

Fuck Ron Artest (fingers crossed he comes to Minnesota). You beat the crap out of someone, Stern gets all massa and suspends you, Indiana residents suffer through a painful season that is also Reggie's last, then you say some stupid shit, JO says some even stupider shit about not wanting you back, and due to JO's pride + Artest's crazy, Indiana fans suffer yet again.

Fuck Damon Jones. Maybe I've said this before, but this guy is the Freddie Mitchell of the NBA. Schtick is tired.

Fuck Pat Riley. While Stan Van Gundy's bloated corpse floats somewhere off the shore of Key Biscayne, Riley gives himself a contract extension...and the Heat remain an aesthetic mess. Also, fuck anyone who thinks Alonzo Mourning deserves an award for anything or is some sort of national hero. He completely screwed over the team (NJ) that stuck with him through the toughest of times, refused to play for Toronto, and then goes after a Drexler ring. Oh, also, The Heat will play the Spurs in the finals, and the Spurs will win. Flip Saunders will be exposed as a great regular season coach only. The NBA will be exposed as a sliver of its former self. And I will be bored senseless. "Thank you very little."

Quick to criticize, I will be quick to praise...Jason Williams, believe it or not, may be more responsible for the Heat turnaround than Shaq or Riley. He is seriously bringing it all together and best of all keeping quiet about. Consistency, knows his role, has been making up for Damon Jones' 3-point-shooting, keeping Riley looking like a genius for that megateam-disaster trade (while Toine and Posey keep wasting space). Two other white people that should be given more credit than they're getting: Chris Simms & David Lee. Isiah Lord is a DRAFTING GENIUS.

Switching gears to STYLE, thanks to my man Cam for pointing me to Dr. Romanelli. Not really sure what to make of all of it, but I was intrigued by these two videos of Usher sporting the gear--a Hawks version as well as this Cavs jacket (which Urshr wears while sideline-fiving LeBron):

Like I said, I'm not completely sure what to make of the design, but what I can tell you is that it recalls the style popular during my reign as a Minnesota Timberwolves employee, the height of the Jordan era, the Nike Air era, and the point at which I believe--Clyde Frazier & those ridiculous ABA photos aside--the NBA truly became a LEAGUE OF STYLE. Let me paint a picture....

This was pre-Iverson, so no straight-up block-wear. The most block-like shit was guys like Tony Campbell and Marlon Maxey wearing straight Kani denim ensembles. Brown, orange, and black type patterns. Luc Longley sort of sported the Caucasiastralian version of these. Girbauds. Constantly injured guys like Gerald Glass sported Coogi sweaters on the sidelines. Lots of bright colored purple and turquoise suits. And then the crazy crazy "I make too much money to sport Cross Colours, but I'll rock a variation of that shit" Dr. Romanelli-type patterns. Brad Sellers sported the hat you see on the album cover below:

Oddly enough, Minneapolis was sort of the ideal spot for this style to emerge , as the Jimmy Jam/Terry Lewis sound was hot & Prince was still relevant.
(I mean, it clearly emerged in other cities first, but the style seemed to suit the Twin Cities quite well). And when the All-Star game came through town in 1994, it was ovah--by the way, who else can't fucking wait for the game in Houston this year...Kirielenko sporting grills??. But back to 1994...a small sampling of the type of folks who were always within arms length (sidenote, it was during All-star Weekend 1994, when I decided that I hated working for the Wolves and for the League...N.othing B.ut A.ssholes):

Mark Curry (Mr. Cooper)
Kid N' Play
Boyz II Men
Naughty By Nature
The dude who played Urkel
Willow Bay
Joey Lawrence
Kris Kross

This was AN ERA OF FLASH. May I remind you that this was also the year that JR Rider rocked the "Eastbay Funk" dunk to Zapp & Roger's "More Bounce to the Ounce" to win the dunk contest over Shawn Kemp (rocking the removable-pump Reebok Pumps)?

Now, I'm a little too young to be getting nostalgic for a sport and league that I literally didn't care for at all from 1998-2002, but I am realizing that The Association's style revolution--inevitably resulting in a revival of The Association as a whole, Stern are you listening?--must come from off the court rather than from on it. Nash/Amare and Young Gilbert 0 will continue to shock and amaze while the Spurs will continue to win the championships. Dress code be damned. Start rocking ridiculous furs like K-Mart or better yet dust your shoulders off like Marko Jaric, who reportedly last night (prior to playing his best game of the season) wore a "white sports coat straight out of Saturday Night Fever."

And motherFuck 'The Lebrons.' We need Little Penny, Grandma-ma, and Charles Barkley chillin with Humpty Hump.

2006, can you hear me?


(ambiguous throwback mid-90s reference to Dennis Leary MTV spots, fuckers)


At 1/05/2006 5:40 PM, Anonymous illwafer said...

I slept on going to All Star Weekend that year.

I'm glad you pointed out how much of a bitchass Mourning is. I've always thought of him in the same light as you, but everyone in the media treats him like he is our savior because because he's playing after a kidney transplant. Once Hoiberg gets back, he ain't got shit!

Oh, and remember Rider stated before the season that he would win the dunk contest.

At 1/05/2006 9:07 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i hate college football and still think that the rose bowl and all that came with it ruined this nba season for me

At 1/06/2006 7:11 AM, Anonymous Uzair said...

Can't fault JO. The only way they could take Artest back after what he did would be after having a real go at him with baseball bats in a secluded warehouse.

I still have doubts about JO leading a team, BTW. He's nice and all, but he just doesn't have what it takes.

At 1/06/2006 8:46 AM, Blogger Ken said...

Willow Bay was/probably still is fiiine. When she was on NBA Inside Stuff it was the best show ever.

At 1/06/2006 12:05 PM, Anonymous The Blob said...

Good call on Damon Jones.That holding up the three fingers thing after he hits a three-pointer is just annoying. The only reason he is ever open in the first place is because teams have doubled LBJ and Zadrunas, and Wade and Shaq when he was in Miami. Now that Larry Hughes is out and teams are actually guarding him, fans are seeing that he can't create his own shot, he doesn't pass all that well, and he can't/doesn't defend. And so, he has gone something like 1 for 14 from the field, and he is getting booed at home in Cleveland, rightfully so.

At 1/06/2006 3:03 PM, Blogger emynd said...

I've always found Damon Jones to be particularly unlikable. The fact that when an announcer begins to talk about Jones they almost always seem to mention that "his teammates love him" doesn't convince me that he's likable... In fact, quite the opposite.


At 1/06/2006 6:53 PM, Blogger jon faith said...

This was the most agreeable post I have found in weeks, perhaps I should shudder, given its abrupt proximity to my own sordid misgivings. cheers - jon

At 1/07/2006 12:08 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i can't believe i'm stooping to this, but here goes nothing:

please fuck off. no one has any interest in your running opinion of this blog. you've never given us any indication that you actually get FreeDarko, your writing is even more satanic than mine without meaning to be, and I don't think any of us seriously feel we owe anything to someone who only started reading this site a few weeks ago.

this is off-beat, off-color, over-the-top, over-intellectual, heavily ironic, irreponsible, self-absorbed writing that stems from our consumption of the National Basketball Association in the United States of America. nothing more and nothing less.

At 1/07/2006 1:23 PM, Blogger Dan said...

I think you hear me knocking.... and I think I'm comin' in....

At 1/07/2006 11:08 PM, Blogger jon faith said...

Today is the Orthodox xmas, for the self-absorbed, such would include, you, Mr BS-shallow. I am well in my cups and awaiting further diatribe upon your Spengler's list of League Style and the road to Stackhouse and a playoff berth. ciao - jon

At 1/08/2006 12:07 AM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU'RE SAYING. stop reading my blog and maybe i'll start writing again.

At 1/08/2006 6:06 AM, Anonymous the sockk said...

People like jon faith are great because they're like a Faulkner character's innermonologue brought to life. If you try to reason with them, you go crazy. But if you just sit back and let them talk about fabrege eggs, it's hilarious.

At 1/08/2006 9:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jon Faith is a bot.

At 10/25/2012 7:02 AM, Blogger Jeff Smith said...

nice post love reading it
Leather Coats


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