Superman requires no courthouse

From ESPN's recap:

With the score tied 72-all, James was fouled by Hamilton with 1:02 remaining, and as Cleveland's forward lined up for his free throws, Chauncey Billups came up alongside and said something.

"Hey!" Cavs coach Mike Brown shouted to the officials. "He can't talk to him like that!"

-Uh, yes he can talk to him like that.

-The honor of your franchise player depends on him being able to do it.

-Said player needs someone to whip his supporting cast into shape, not a babysitter

-In all your superfluousness, you are still probably better for the game than Larry Brown.

To be fair, LeBron himself wanted no part of the controversy:

"Chauncey tried to give me what I gave to Gilbert last series," James said.

And another thing: Jerry Stackhouse is a thousand years old and was a model of crappy Association PR when in his prime. Any playoffs in which he's making key shots has got a serious image problem, unless it's some weird born again tie-in that I just don't get.

WHERE'S JOSH HOWARD AT!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!


At 5/16/2006 11:50 AM, Anonymous Memory Jones said...

When LBJ miffed that first free-throw, I was absolutely certain that I saw the ghostly hand of Gilbert Arenas on his shoulder.

At 5/16/2006 12:16 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

jerry stackhouse is only a year older than me, motherfucker.

At 5/16/2006 12:22 PM, Anonymous JCM said...

"Superfluous" Mike Brown outcoached Flip Saunders last night.

At 5/16/2006 12:26 PM, Anonymous Mr. Six said...

I'm three years older than Stack.

Of course, in my profession, at least in theory, I haven't yet peaked. I suspect his millions and early retirement will console him, however.

FD should really consider an article over the summer about all of these dudes who were one-time supposedly franchise, didn't pan out and were concluded to be useless, and have since returned at the ends of their careers to make meaningful contributions to competitive teams. It's a phenomenon that needs to be woven into the tapestry of FD ordering of the NBA-verse.

At 5/16/2006 12:28 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

are you sure?

it also might be this: he went to unc as part of that class that was hyped like two years before they even showed up on campus. i was coming up in chapel during all of that, and it was sometimes difficult to distinguish between pro ball and unc ball. so by this logic, i think he's been in the nba for 14 and counting.

stack's official site has some comedy value, but peep this. it's really true that no one, i mean no one, gives a fuck about what these guys do off the court. it's like "damn well they better use some of that money for good causes!!!!"

plus stack's quote kind of fucks with everyone fd supposedly stands for. or confirms it.

At 5/16/2006 12:31 PM, Anonymous Mr. Six said...

"Superfluous" Brown keeps stranding his most important player in the corner surrounded by three Pistons, the baseline, and the sideline. His lessons on D seem to be showing returns, but I'm not convinced he has enough imagination when it comes to offense--which is as much a disservice to Bron as can be done to his development at this point.

At 5/16/2006 12:37 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i'm watching a fat woman get cut up in surgery while mobb deep's "burn" plays. god bless you, "true life."

6, i like that idea. despite having bitched about stack up top, i kind of like that he's not just falling into something like ring-chasing on someone else's team. he's not afraid to step up and be that guy when necessary; it's like he's turned into caron butler late in his career.

caron butler and richard jefferson have so much in common. mostly that neither will ever be a #1. the fact that melo, as a pure 3, can be the team's foundation in this day and age just proves how fucking awesome he is.

At 5/16/2006 2:25 PM, Blogger The Electric Zarko said...

So how much money will Bron Bron offer to Larry to miss the rest of the series and possibly the rest of the playoffs?

At 5/16/2006 4:10 PM, Anonymous vim said...

the money would be better spent bribing coach brown to keep Z on the bench. they are terrible when he is in.

At 5/16/2006 5:20 PM, Blogger Neil Scientist said...

The weird respect seemingly accorded Stackhouse this posteseason is proof of the auto-fellating Proppist structuralism of nba commentators. They are impressed by the exhaustive applicability of their own stereotypes to the nba universe, that all narrative functions can be contained within their understanding of how a game might play out (though they retain the ability to be astonished by which of the outcomes takes place in esse). They marvel that a player can transform from one archetypal-function bearing character to another because it confirms the pliable intractibility (yep) of their tools of comprehension.

Thus if Stackhouse as a rook did what he's doing now (ie a gangly Microwave impression), that would be less impressive than what has happened--he went from being a middling Aguirre-type (top banana on a mediocre team) to VJ--thus confirming that they know the only possible range of possibilities.

Structuralism, that most cold war of intellectual fads, is antithetical to the individual creativity I find desirable in sports. Belichek, Beane, and the Pistons absorb light, suck away transcendence. The bottom line isn't wins and losses, it's how immortal you become because of those wins and losses. Read your Pindar, bitches.

At 5/16/2006 8:40 PM, Blogger Pooh said...

Shoals, has melo proven it? If it's his team doesn't it have to stop imploding in the playoffs every year? Just asking.

At 5/17/2006 2:29 AM, Anonymous Mr. Six said...

And before I forget, Stack should apologize to AI every time he has a good playoff performance.

Also http://www.avclub.com/content/node/48535

wv: lzqsm, you heard it here first.

At 5/17/2006 2:36 AM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

the nuggets have no real point guard, no three point shooters, and no athleticism. i don't think that said team's failure to make some suds in the playoffs can be attributed to melo as shortcomings. i.e. just because bron could do it, doesn't mean we can realistically expect melo to be able to.


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