Blog-A-Game - Heat at Nets March 3rd, 2005
I missed tipoff. Too busy watching Duke waste the Hurricanes. I will be blogging tonight's Heat Game and trying to use up the entire space of the blog. At each quarter break i'll post what I have so far.
7:42 - Once again, am I the only one in the world who thinks that Jason Kidd and Andre Agassi probably look exactly the same naked? Skin color notwithstanding, of course. Think about it - the same stocky muscular build. Feet move slow, but effectively quick.
7:46 - Nenad rebound. Vince Carter just sank one from 40 feet. I guess the Nets are interesting....
7:47 - Shaq just cleaned it up! I don't think any other player has Cleaned It Up as much as Shaq.
7:48 - If I was a Sperm, I would want to be the Dwyane Wade of Sperm. That guy can get through five different people on the way to the bucket, and usually 2 of the 5 are on his same team. Every drive is like one last ditch effort to hit the Egg's Outer Wall before spontaneous combustion sets in.
7:50 - Kristic needs to visit a Rhinoplasty hut as soon as humanly possible. He's the 7 foot version of Gargamel from the Smurfs.
7:53 - Biggest lips in the NBA? Jason Collins. Maybe the collagen from those monsters can be used to build Nenad a rightful nose. The nose of a prince of a man.
7:54 - Brent just left to get Beer and Cups. First Zo sighting. Close crop hairstyle. Outside of Shaq's facial hair, there are few things that I've enjoyed following as much as Zo's hair. We all remember the DJ Jazzy Jeff flat top when he first entered the league. Then there was the Bald head and Smokey Joe beard combination. The close crop was always his best look. He looks a little clammy, but other then that he's in good spirits. Back in Red and Black - thats good to see.
7:56 - Jacque Vaughn is a snake of an NBA player. He shouldn't be in the league. There is absolutely nothing interesting or redeeming about him. That dunk on Jordan notwithstanding. If the world went into nuclear holocaust, i'm sure we'd fine Jacque Vaughn under a rock right next to the radioactive insects, Ed Koch and the cracked head of Ted Williams.
8:02 - Vince Carter was just refered to as "Unconcious" by Eric Reid - the Heat's TV voice. Thinking more, Carter does sometimes look like he's in a vegetative state. Perhaps Terry Schiavo's parents see signs of life in her just like when Vince clenches his mouth. Indications of anger... determination... Between the pursed lips and T-Mac's batty eyes I can see why they once claimed to be cousins.
8:04 - Second Wade Alley-Oop to Shaq. Beautiful. Since they showed Zo on Camera for the first time, they've done it at least 3 more times. Nice job guys. Ignore him for the first 8 minutes of the first quarter just to tease and then oversaturate. Who are these producers?
8:09 - Travis Best sighting. Best helped prolifererate the whole "Eyes Glasses make me look erudite after a game" look that other pro athletes have emulated. And I won't accept Greg Maddux - he just looked like a calculator jockey. The Nets just went up 13. No worries. Let them burn up their lungs. And yes, Lawrence Frank is a dead ringer for Doogie Howser, M.D. That is, unless your image of Doogie in his 30s was completely ruined by Harold & Kumar went to White Castle - The Movie.
8:17 - Michael Doleac was that annoying tall white guy in Intramurals that was an effective outside shooter. You pound with him inside, then he goes out to 18 feet and sinks shots. Such a bitch - unless you have him on your team.
8:19 - Brents back. He asked me "Has Zo played yet?" No, he hasn't. I've grown impatient after every 30 second unit of waiting and yet he still hasn't. Just get it over with and put him in the game.
8:22 - Great. Some cute girls are coming over. I'll have to leave the blogging and the game. I hope they take their time. Excellent entry past from Laettner to Shaq. Laettner is as fundamentally sound as it comes - if he had better lateral quickness and a healthier back he would have fulfilled the promise attached to him.
8:25 - Brent just said Krstic looks kinda like a Muppet. I hadn't told him about my Gargamel idea - we've decided on "The Count" from Sesame Street. Announcer just said "I love Dwyane Wade's Court Vision." That term should only be used with LeBron, quite frankly. As much as I love Wade.
8:26 - Scalabrine sighting!! According to Brent, "That Guy looks like he should be playing video games."
8:30 - Vince has 17 points through most of the first half. He'll choke down the stretch. I promise.
YAZS (Yet another Zo sighting)... on the bench.
8:32 - God Scalabrine really has man tits. YAZS.... YAZS. (Two in less than 15 seconds.)
8:35 - YAZS - next to Shaq. Weird, Shaq is wearing those pads on his knees that Etan Thomas wears on his elbows. If you saw the size of Shaq's wife (petite) i'm sure they've explored the applications of such ribbed pads in the bedroom.
8:37 - HALFTIME.
BLOGGING HAS BEEN POSTPONED DUE TO HONEYS AND BEER.
FULL SUMMARY OF ZO'S RETURN COMING SOON.