It's The Little Things

Consider this my belated BethlehemShoals-like semi-threatening LAST POST BOUT THE PLAYOFFS till they're over. I maintain a great amount of angst over the Suns' failure to advance, but in my deepest of hearts knew that after game one of the series, it was not meant to be. Epiphanies that a) nobody on the Suns boxes out for the first 3 quarters of a game, and b) it is not that Nash is a poor defender, it is that he flat out REFUSES to play defense, made me feel very sorry for Phoenix fans everywhere.

I echo Shoals' sentiment: THIS IS A LEAGUE OF STARS. However, I would remiss if I did not defend the Pistons as not only a watchable team, but perhaps the most likeable team in the Association currently. Seriously, tell me a Pistons player who you hate. They have Darko. They have 'Sheed. Even the guys they cut are named "Smush" and "Del-fino." And all this man knows how to do is pass and be a fan favorite...


Yes sir, folks, the Pistons are the heterosexual version of the Spurs. Quasi-boring, but evocative of the same feelings I get when watching the Patriots beat everysinglefucking body based on strategy alone. Thank you, Larry, for being the best basketball mind of our time. Better than Phil, Rudy T, and better than Pop. Everywhere he has gone he has gotten the most out of his players, and he doesn't promote that goopy smirking, Walton-orgasm-inducing, "aw shucks, all we know how to do is be smart and play de-fense." Ben Wallace still punches people. Rasheed and Chauncey still get ill-advised technicals. Rip bats the ball away from Dan Crawford. LB himself goes for delf behind the scenes. No puritanism, no implicit code of ethics, no "we don't yell at the refs" tirades The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he was "playing the right way." Larry's too Brooklyn for that. He's too TarHeel for that. He's too Detroit for that.

(Segue into finally determining reasons underlying both my annoyance with the Spurs, and why this whole playoffs has fallen out of favor with me).

I prematurely spoke when I said that the playoffs are really all about Wade now. Truth is, the playoffs died when the Sonics were eliminated. They were the soul of this season, foreigners, thugs, a goofy 7-foot high schooler, and Jesus Shuttlesworth himself just
"doing them." The Sonics embody personality and cool, two elements that NONE of the conference finalists (not even the Suns, who seemed a little to mainstream for my tastes) could muster up. Whereas the Bulls and Wiz were amusing in the same way watching a
bunch of 4-year-olds smash a pinata are amusing, the Sonics were solid gold soul. Either you're with Fortson, or you're against Fortson. They're the type of team you could watch on mute with your girl in the room, and she might not like it, but she would UNDERSTAND.

The Spurs are the antithesis of all that. I can't think of a single Spurs player whose jersey I could wear in public and feel like I had a chance of getting laid. It's not that they're
boring, it's that they are cold and metallic. And the Heat don't offer much more...I'm sick of Damon Jones. The "Shaquille" reality show has further reinforced that he is truly the
high school lackey to the Homecoming King, and he savors that role. He's like a less arrogant version of Freddie Mitchell, but still milking his playoff spotlight for all it's worth. Zo and Laettner have been unlikeable for years, and B-Shoals blew my mind when he said what we were all thinking, that Wade is secretly boring. I will still cheer for them, however, because the Shaq-switching-teams-to-win-the-championship subplot is all I have left in this world.


As Shoals hinted, I will be stockpiling draft and free agency material over the next few weeks, as well as breaking down in full depth the 05-06 Golden State Warriors, which as of now, are looking like the most entertaining team of the Darko era ever. Not to mention, that barring a lockout, it will be this man's time. Oh yes.



At 6/06/2005 1:48 PM, Anonymous brickowski said...

cam and his set are taking over this year regardless of any potential lockout.

you really think the gays want to be indentified with the "boring" style of ball san antonio plays? don't you think they'd embrace a more flamboyant game with between the legs passes and new revolution-esque fruity picks?

finally, does shoals sound like walton when he says THIS IS A LEAGUE OF STARS?

At 6/06/2005 1:51 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

eyyyy..no homo...let me tone down those comments by saying that the spurs are "A"sexual. and i believe shoals sounds more like Stephen A.

At 6/06/2005 2:29 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...



"The NBA is a league of stars"

since it didn't catch on the first time i tried it, here's a shameless plug for my new favorite basketball blog quip: (no walton)

i was going to say that i'd pay good money to see footage of cam's college ball career, but he was probably something really boring like a power forward. or else you figure he show it off more.

At 6/06/2005 2:42 PM, Blogger El Huracan Andreo said...

Sorry, had to edit it and change the font because the post was taking over the right side bar.

At 6/06/2005 3:20 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

THC brought the big guns out! this is my favorite post for a minute. "larry brown's too brooklyn for that!" and then he tops it off with a picture of cam and ron artest with a bunch of white girls. stone cold brilliant.

At 6/06/2005 3:21 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

andreo...thanks for the fix-up. my computer does effed up things. all yall are my mans (NO WALTON)

At 6/06/2005 4:04 PM, Blogger Ken said...

And whose jersey gives you the best chance of getting laid?

I know it isn't my white John Starks Knicks joint.

At 6/06/2005 4:09 PM, Blogger elandfried said...

Do any of you play basketball with good competition on a regular basis?

Not a challenge, just a question.

At 6/06/2005 4:11 PM, Anonymous brickowski said...

even THC could get ass in a navy and sky blue ginobili argentina jersey.

At 6/06/2005 5:12 PM, Blogger elandfried said...

The reason I ask about whether people play or not is this:

I love the Spurs. Love 'em. I also love Pete Sampras (I think one goes with the other). I have two reasons for why I love 'em.

1. The Spurs are starting to remind me of the mid-80's Celtics, the team that made me an NBA fan for life. They are the team that if they are playing their best ball are unstoppable. That was the Celtics (of course what made the Celtics more fun to watch was that there was another unstoppable team at the same time - probably one of the only times that's happened in any sport). I dunno, to me, nothing gets to me more than when teams or individuals reach that level.

2. Here's the playing part: I would rather play pickup hoops with the Spurs than with any other team (as long as I could replace Bruce Bowen as the small forward). Here's why: They can play any pace depending on how much energy is flowing that day. They have a dominant big man who you can throw it into when you're tired and who will find you if you're open. Slashers like Parker and Ginobili are much better to play with than shooters. They play enough defense that you wouldn't get pissed at anyone for not doing his part, but it wouldn't be a foul every time down the court. Here's why it would suck to play with the other teams in the Conference Finals. The Heat: Pretty obvious...no one wants to stand around while two players dominate. I like to PLAY, not just hustle. Pistons: Too system-oriented. Horrible for pickup. Suns: Would be really fun for a while. But when it's 19-18 and you need a stop, you won't get it and that's the worst feeling in pickup hoops. I'd be yelling at Q and Nash by the end of the day and no one wants to play like that.

I guess the "pick-upness" of a team is important to me. Just curious as how others see that angle.

At 6/06/2005 5:28 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

brickowski, we're good. just for that, i promise a positive post about the spurs some time in the near future.

my top 5 jerseys to get laid (not joking):

1. kirilenko cksa jersey (I WANT THIS)
2. world b. free throwback cavs jersey
3. len bias maryland jersey (i saw this one the other day)
4. gilbert arenas BULLETS jersey
5. rick barry warriors "the city" jersey (no name on the back!!!)

At 6/06/2005 5:42 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

re: elandfried...i see your point, and for the same reasons, i like the patriots (they can play colts finesse style or steelers smashmouth style). however, the pats have guys like bruschi, rodney harrison, and corey dillon who sound cool and talk trash...and brady is a likeable version of the guy that every guy hates. the spurs have no character. the nba is entertainment for me. i like watching mark madsen dance while shaq raps. i like to see gary payton chewing off speedy claxton's ear. i like to watch 'sheed go crazy. you don't get any of that with the spurs, and it pisses me off.

At 6/06/2005 6:25 PM, Anonymous brickowski said...

this is a GREAT topic. except it actually should be "top 5 jerseys to get looks of respect from other dudes," since women are obviously too dumb to appreciate a Gilbert Bullets jersey.

THC, your jersey selections are pretty hard to top (especially the city jersey). putting together a list of my own to rival yours would take too long. naturally, i would include a silver Gervin 44 jersey, if only to remind myself that at one point the coolest player in the league was a Spur with a coke problem known as Ice. it gives me hope that one day we will again be a team of slick badasses instead of the group of intelligent nice guys we have now.

At 6/06/2005 8:23 PM, Blogger shoefly said...

For me the jersey is obvious.......


Man, that's the best. The NBA's Snoop, and he never sold out. Who doesn't love Drexler? Is it even possible not to love the glide?

At 6/06/2005 8:54 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

gotta go with the connie hawkins pipers throwback (doesn't exist, as far as i know). . . or the len bias, but THC already said that. wait, bias maryland or celtics? i'd go with the green.

pick for the future: pietrus guadeloupe national team.

At 6/06/2005 9:02 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

oh yeah, i also wanted to suggest that it's carlisle who laid the groundwork for what's tough and likeable about the pistons. just a thought.

At 6/06/2005 9:25 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

wow. good call on carlisle's influence.

on jerseys: a friend of mine, during the 03-04 season, wondered aloud whether penny hardaway ever sees someone wearing the orlando magic #1 jersey, gets momentarily excited, then realizes it's a t-mac jersey. i found this to be hilarious.

also, last week i saw someone rocking the hardaway magic jersey for the first time in years.

At 6/07/2005 8:16 AM, Blogger Ken said...

The non-throwback of the moment is probably the blue Carmelo jersey.

Way back my buddy had an Eric Montrose single zero Celtics jersey, which had to be one of the top jerseys a white dude could wear to guarantee he got fouled hard as fuck.

At 10/16/2005 9:57 AM, Blogger Bloggy said...

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