Thursdays with Thurl: Getting Lynchian With It

Now despite then general tone of (Shoals) bombast that the writing of FreeDarko often conveys, we do not condone the overusage of superlatives or hyperbole within our writings. It is with that said that I hope you take to heart me telling you that what I am about to reveal is by far THE WEIRDEST THING I'VE EVER FOUND ON THE INTERNET.

The following is a song Thurl and I discovered written by a middle-aged man
named Andre Evangelista, who works for a freight handling company, appears to be a member of an all Filipino choir, and hails from Cypress, California (all of this info I got off of his also perplexing homepage www.andreevangelista.com ). He (presumably) is pictured here:

The song is entitled "Troubled Smile," and Evangelista has evidently taken it upon itself to register a web domain, www.troubledsmile.com , so that potential patrons may purchase a copy of the song in full on mp3 or CD (what I am giving you today is a snippet, certainly enough for you to get the idea). At the top of the website (WHICH I BEG YOU TO CHECK OUT), we are greeted with the following disclaimer:

"Troubled Smile" describes fictitious events involving fictitious characters. Any similarities between the characters in the song to any real persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental.

Now while I am all for taking Mr. Evangelista's word, since he seems like an honest enough guy, the artwork for "Troubled Smile," speaks otherwise:

Curious, no? Gee, that "album" cover seems to resemble a certain basketball player whose middle name, I believe, is some sort of legume...no? Purely coincidental? Wasn't that guy involved in some sort of scandal, with a woman or something? Maybe the lyrics to the song will give us a hint:


Javier whatever, at the hotel
Time for a game of show and don't tell
Blonde one looks good, ready to play
Served like a burger, have it your way

Get on the tour, act real nice
What a great cover for your little vice
Get to the door, she's coming in
Now it is time for the game to begin

Take off the mask, time to reveal
the monster inside you, the true real deal

Ridi, Pagliaccio,
sul tuo amore infranto.
Ridi del duol che t'av-velena il cor.

Getting it on, inside the room
Don't seem to care that this could spell doom
Where is your wife, where is your child?
Don't matter now cause you're going wild

Pushing her down, she's saying no
She must be crazy cause you gotta go
Says it again, why can't you hear?
You got the devil clogging your ear

Tear her apart having your fun
Hand on her throat's like the point of a gun

in una smorfia il singhiozzo e'l dolor Ah!
Ridi, Pagliaccio,
sul tuo amore infranto.
Ridi del duol che t'av-velena il cor.

See you got busted, mug shot and all
People been waiting for your great fall
Bring in the lawyers, a ring for the wife
Pretty you up for the fight of your life

But don't worry boy, you got nothing to fear


Ridi, Pagliaccio,
sul tuo amore infranto.
Ridi del duol che t'av-velena il cor.


The website also gives a credit for:
"Nasty Last Line recorded by Mao"
Thank you for that information. That was very thorough of you.

Now, please witness this metal-operatic-absurdist-nonsense. I give you, a glorious sixty seconds of "Troubled Smile"

*Anyone who would like to order the song in full is more than welcome to do so and will be treated as FreeDarko royalty

**Theories on the origin, purpose, meaning behind this song are welcome in the comments section


At 9/15/2005 11:34 AM, Blogger El Huracan Andreo said...


This is the first time in three weeks where i've had sufficient time to read a post.

I have been thoroughly rewarded.

I will make time now.

The fact that www.KobeWatch.org and www.WeLoveKobe.com are in the links section further the theory.

At 9/15/2005 11:41 AM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

whoa...is andre the kid? fuck it, i'm still leaving that photo up. and we need to start developing an FD Lexicon:

Ha Seung Jin = I'll Sue
Ray Allen = FBP
Carmelo Anthony = Stop Snitching
Kobe Bryant = Troubled Smile

At 9/15/2005 11:57 AM, Blogger El Huracan Andreo said...

I'm not sure whether Andre is the kid or not, but anyone who balances such awesome riffs, german synthed voices - a Rammstein and Guns and Roses atmosphere blended with Andrea Bocelli - can't be the geek wad up top.

At 9/15/2005 8:21 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i finally got to listen to this after having spent all day imagining what it would sound like. and it was even more insane and renowned that i'd ever dreamt.

it's definitely the kid, though. look at the captions in some of the other photos.

plus i don't even think that's all the lyrics. . .maybe we can get him to send us the full soundfile. someone fire up the email campaign!!!!

At 9/16/2005 3:45 PM, Blogger quietmenace said...

I don't even know where to start with this:
A) I was not expecting the prog-rock styling. From the lyrics I was prepared for some Mexi-Cali rap demo. Troubled Smile is one drum solo away from being a Rush song.
B) It sounds like the voice over at the end is supposed to an Arnold Schwarzenegger mimic. It makes sense, I guess, I mean as much as any other part of the song.
C) The opera sample for the hook really captures the drama of the events that led up to Kobe winning the coveted Slut Of The Year award.

At 9/16/2005 6:38 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

the girl's supposed to be the slut in the now-famous line. that's what makes this so amazing--it's a pro-kobe song!!! or maybe it's in the same "tormented genius" vein as my kobe-jocking


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