9.30.2005

Um, Basketball?



This has little to do with anything, but I would just like to say that there is no team that I like less in all of pro sports than the Boston Red Sox. I hope they have to play Cleveland in a one-game playoff and Aaron Boone hits a walkoff homerun. They are also the least Freedarko team in MLB, despite having perhaps THE MOST FREEDARKO baseball player on their team in David Ortiz (whom The Boston Globe recently reported is a huge fan of "reggaeTRON"). Ok, I'm done. I will now refrain from using "Freedarko" as an adjective for the duration of this post. As Shoals and others have pointed out, with this offseason lull, we have gotten far too self-absorbed.

In the more classical tradition of this blog, I come to sing to you the praises of a Euro unlike all others. His name is Mario Kasun. There is nothing funny about this guy. I cant even muster up any condescending bombast to spew, because I believe that this guy is actually fucking good and he is destined to be somewhat of a monster.



Let me reiterate, the guy doesn't act like your normal Euro. In fact, I thought he was one of those Jasikevicius/Songaila type guys who I get all Euro-amped on, and then all of a sudden realize, "Hey, wasnt that guy playing for Pitino in the final four back when Shawn Respert was being projected as a top-3 pick?"
Then, I figure, OK, well at very least, the guy has GOT to be Russian. As the Masters of the Klondike have scoured the Eastern Bloc in search of the next Euro lottery obsession, we have methodically determined that Russians are the most full-of-heart Euros. But no, Kasun does NOT hail from the Red Curtain. He is from Croatia.

The first dead giveaway that he is not a Euro in the traditional Euro mold, is his fakeass Asian script tattoos. I once thought that these tattoos were only for K-Mart/Marcus Camby swaggering baller types and girls who like to ride the mechanical bull at Senor Frogs, but Kasun has shattered those stereotypes. He probably thinks they mean "strength" or "heart." Also unlike most 7-foot Euros, he does not have a weak upper body. Furthermore, he is arrogant. He screams when he dunks or blocks a shot. He idolizes Rasheed Wallace. And when asked if there were any famous names on Frankfurt Opel Skyliners team, he responds with a laugh, "Me." I strongly believe that it is he, who shall fulfill the prophecy of MONAS (the myth of the next Arvydas Sabonis). Sadly, stuck within the impenetrably deep Center rotation of Kelvin Cato, Andrew DeClerq, and Tony Battie, Kasun's time may not come soon enough. And so it is here that I plead his case and also warn you of his potential. No one believed me when I was championing Joel Przybilla's name when he was on the Hawks, but now look, he's NUMBER 10 in Chad Ford's 2006 Free Agent list.

Moving on...our NBDL coverage is long overdue. At first I was hyped about this, mostly because the T-Wolves have two guys--Bracey Wright and Dwayne Jones--who could STRONGLY benefit from playing in D-Block. And in Minnesota we're used to guys like Johan Santana and Big Papi himself coming up through our minor league system. But after the dust settled, I kind of side with Cuban. I feel sort of "eh" about the whole thing. I mean, like the best player in the CBA in the past five years was Devin Brown. I don't foresee too many rags to riches stories.


My only hope is that D-Block gives us more cool names like Smush Parker and Royal Ivey, and a few more Euros for us to chuckle at.

...I suppose our penchant for semi-coherent social commentary obligates us to discuss Eddy Curry's DNA as well and his agent's "this is bigger than sports" claim. Truth is, I am too sad to discuss this.
I like Curry. Curry is Chicago...Chicago is my adopted sports home now, and this is just more bad news for a city who continued to devote themselves to this post-Jordan team through Artest, Elton Brand, Donyell Marshall, Jalen Rose, Jay Williams, Kendall Gill, and now...CUSP OF GREATNESS. The whole situation now casts a cloud of uncertainty over the franchise.


And as I suggested before, heart problems (Turiaf, Curry, Juwan Howard, Hoiberg) have surpassed Plantar Fascitis as the new trendy NBA medical problem (except heart problems are really serious, something I shouldnt be joking about). Certainly a bit creepy...but back to Chicago. The team's promotional slogan for the past few years has been, "THROUGH THICK AND THROUGH THIN." Their TV commercials were all about Kirk Hinrich in a black barber shop chatting with the locals. The naivete with which they crept up on the rest of the league last year was remarkable. None of the guys knew how to play the game the right way, they just played fucking hard as hell. Because when you're 20 years old and have just endured 2-3 years of Roy Williams/Coach K/Jim Calhoun rah-rah, you have no choice. You are young and hyper as hell and just want to bounce off the walls (others, like Nocioni are intrinsically hyper...it is in the Argentinian blood). The 05 Bulls were the defense-oriented version of the Wizards. And now I fear that the team is destined back in to sub-.500 obscurity.

Anyways, I'm gonna go fuck with this new Friendster "Who's Viewed Me" function now. Just wanted to remind everyone that the season is creeping ever-closer. And we are oh-so-ready.

14 Comments:

At 9/30/2005 3:39 PM, Anonymous Jimmy Jefferson said...

KAsun did pretty well at the Eurobasket. he should at least leapfrog battie.

 
At 9/30/2005 7:23 PM, Anonymous aug said...

Where did this kasun lovefest come from? I haven't been able to see many euro games thanks to nbatv being way too involved in self promoting league pass for the last MONTH. Anyways, as an orlando native, i don't know what you guys see in him. He doesn't look comfortable in warmups, can't beat out declerq, battie and kato(although kato isn't bad and battie has moments but declerq is probably my least favorite magic player of the last 5 years and is awful). There is no way he should be losing minutes to declerq. He also lost minutes to Michael Bradley till we involved him in a trade. Whenever Kasun gets in the game he's terribley unimpressive. I don't know. I'm just not buying on kasun. I could write a multi page essay on why i hate the magic management. I LOVED Zaza Pachulia when he was here and when we lost him i was excited about Anderson Varejo being the exact same person. I don't know where Zaza is from and Varejo is brazillian but i like them a lot more in the tougher foreign player mold. I'll save the rest of my nba.com tv/orlando magic rage till the season starts.

 
At 9/30/2005 7:27 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

Let's just get one thing straight. Zaza fucking rules. Varejao is awful and a gimmick. He was a benefactor of the SouthAm/Euro obsession during last season. Kasun is a beast! I must have only seen him play only about 10 times, but he by no means looked uncomfortable. BEAST.

 
At 9/30/2005 7:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

why is varejao a gimmick, exactly?

 
At 9/30/2005 7:48 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

because he looks funny, has a funny name, and hustles (ask about him). i just meant, for a brief second, people were making him out to be better than he really was...like I CANT BELIEVE THE MAGIC LET THIS GUY GO.

 
At 9/30/2005 7:59 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i was about to say "i can't allow you to shit on varejao, because he looks like me." then i realized that i've said that about almost every second-tier euro in the book. then i remembered that i'm only saying because of that picture from maine, where my hair is huge and i'm wearing a headband. but i do play far more like him than i do pavlovic or radmanovic.

wasn't darko supposed to be the euro that showed us flame and fanging?

 
At 9/30/2005 8:01 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i am only mentioning that photo because andreo, big baby, shoefly, and i posted it on here only seconds after it was taken

 
At 9/30/2005 8:09 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

thc, you could make a legit case for varejao as the best so far of the brazilians. nene doesn't rebound as well as he should and never blocks shots. barborosa is erratic. at least varejao does what he has to when he has to, and has outrageous per 48 minute averages!!!!

 
At 9/30/2005 8:21 PM, Anonymous 'yotes said...

Why hasn't it been mentioned yet that Kasun's girlfriend is/was Mary Carey (porn girl/Californian gubernatorial candidate, in case you didn't know)? This should probably be brought up within two sentences of invoking his name. It's pretty... Rodman.

Also, Google translation calls him "Magic team backless stool vanguard Mario Kasun" on an article in hoopchina. I'm aware that "backless stool" stands for bench, but I can't come up with a better nickname than "stool vanguard".

Also, Varejao is the goddamn truth, and not just because of his hair. If the Cavs don't make the playoffs this season it will be because of his injury which might keep him out well into December.

Well, maybe not. Maybe his hair DOES awe me a tiny bit.

 
At 9/30/2005 11:29 PM, Blogger Biggs said...

No love for the Red Sox? Being born and raised in the New England area myself, I will say that the national media does a piss poor job of covering the Sox (they seem to do a piss poor job of covering everything, but I digress). I will say that Ortiz is the man, and their young pitchers, especially Jon Papelbon, are studs. The sox aren’t nearly as annoying as the media portrays, in fact, it has been a while since Johnny Damon or Kevin Millar has said anything. Which can only be a good thing.

 
At 9/30/2005 11:42 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

maybe similar to my hatred of the spurs, peyton manning, and the yeah yeah yeahs, it's really not THEM that i have a problem with...it's how the media portrays them. but the secret is that i hate the sox for semi-personal reasons. not gonna get into it right now.

 
At 10/01/2005 11:27 AM, Anonymous aug said...

I'm with you on the hatred of the redsox. Not just the team but all their fans. They're probably the only team i root for to lose every time. Except maybe the tampa bay bucs and that's just because i have 2 friends who are the most obnoxious bucs fans and it's hard for me because i grew up in auburn so i love cadillac. I was a bit angry last night when the sox beat the yankees. The yankees better win the next 2 to send them home. The red sox fans are really obnoxious. Not only that but they are the trendiest team in sports the past 2-3 years. All the new fans popping up and claiming hardcore status bug me. I have faith that Matsui will put them in their place. Godzilla is a for real.

 
At 10/01/2005 9:47 PM, Blogger The Cavalier said...

I hate the sox too. Wahwahwah we didn't win in so long. Yeah, those 16 NBA titles must've been tough to take. Try being from Cleveland.

 
At 10/03/2005 5:42 PM, Blogger glomgold said...

Maybe Kasun will develop into the player I always hoped the "Ukraine Train" would become. He loses major points for those shitty ass Chinese word tattoos though.

 

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