Freedarko Season Preview AKA FREEDARKO IS DEAD

First order of bizness, the god, Chauncey Billups, has returned. The 'nets couldn't wait any longer!!!

Now...moving on to in-house matters...

Plagued by academic obligation, romantic entanglement(s), illness, and impending international travel plans, some of the "minds" at Freedarko attempted to "chat up" a 2005-06 League Preview last night. It was our initial thought that we would go with categories such as "key euro," "theme song," and "style" for each team. Realizations were made, however, that predictably threw a wrench in our plans. The Tibetan Book of the Crunk is the new Bedford Handbook, Turkey is the new Hungary, and fundamentals is the new style. That's right, style is dead. All that remains is the following:

Bethlehem Shoals: okay, let's just go with each team
Brown Recluse, esq.: HAWKS
BR: euro: zaza
BR: theme song: asap by ti
BR: style: all swingmen
BS: nah. that girlfight song
BS: clippers
TrentonHasslesCarmelo: i'm trying to rent a car in italy
BR: that's the clippers style: trying to rent a car in italy
BR: euro: korolev
BS: and give me three good reasons why the hawks' song isn't "LAFFY TAFFY"

BS: i want to see the hawks starting lineup go on top model
BS: i mean as contestants, not like clinton portis did
BR: wasn't that warrick dunn?
BS: zaza is forever tainted
BS: he'll make the all-star team in the shadow of death
BS: that laffy taffy song is amazing
BR: it is
BS: that is totally the heart and soul of this year's hawks
BR: the laffy taffy song?

BS: let's just talk about the hawks
BR: the preview is us talking about the preview
BR: it's like waiting for godot
THC: awesome
BS: okay hawks
BS: style
BS: two words or less
BS: i mean four words or less
BR: six eight
BR: shouldn't the hawks play a "trapping defense?"
BR: har har har
THC: talon-ted
BR: trap or die
BS: as in "trap muzik?"
THC: oh
THC: ok
THC: boo

BS: let's start over
THC: ok...NOW
BS: okay, let's do this
BS: hawks first or only?
BS: i really don't see any reason to talk about anyone else
BS: all season
BS: i want to boycott the heat
BR: you see that trade for magloire?
BS: how many centers do they need?
BR: bogut and magloire are the ebony and ivory twin towers
THC: gadzuric looks mixed
BS: and gadzuric is in between
THC: and plays mixed
BR: exactly
THC: now we're getting somewhere
BR: i think he is mixed. he's like african and dutch, isn't he?
THC: like andruw jones

BR: lakers?
THC: von wafer
BS: is he dutch?
BR: no, but it sounds dutch

BS: maybe we should boycott style
THC: the mavs have so little style
THC: surprisingly
BS: wizards no longer, alas
BS: knicks are too corporate
BS: suns are dead
THC: kings have no soul
THC: what an ugly team
BS: clippers are missing somehting with cassell and mobley in the backcourt
BS: this season sucks
BS: hold on i am being force fed miso
BS: not moiso
THC: i think i'm sort of feeling anti-nba right now, which isnt
helping the chat
BS: is this chat subtitled "freedarko is dead?"
THC: the death of style
THC: we should talk about everything we're UN excited about
THC: the rise of the nuggets is incredibly disappointing
BR: we're unexcited about meeting brian scalabrine
THC: all personal feelings aside
THC: we're unexcited about the new heat
BS: i am unexcited about josh smith
THC: the big name heat
THC: josh smith
THC: the rise of darko
BS: low post rationality
BS: point guards
THC: kurt thomas/brian grant
BS: vince and t-mac crapping out again
BR: the kings were totally freedarko in like 1999
THC: exactly
BS: i am not excited about realizing that the league is too talented for its own good
BS: like the hawks, for instance
BS: the knicks:
BS: jamal crawford and Q both lose out big time
BS: both are among my favorite when they're allowed to shine, but disgust me when they're forced to force it or reach for opportunities
THC: russ granik
BS: i am not excited about seeing odom, kwame, and kobe wasted
BS: why can't the hawks theme be "laffy taffy"
BR: it can
THC: not excited about out of shape free agents
THC: (chandler, bobby simmons et al)

THC: who is the one white player respected by all black players?
THC: "mike miller?"
BS: j-will
THC: you think?
BR: j-will tries too hard
BR: he alienates middle class black guys
BS: dude, what black person doesn't respect j-will
BR: grant hill
BR: shane battier
THC: brent barry?
THC: is that the guy?
BR: steve nash
THC: yes
BR: you gotta keep shit real
BR: steve nash keeps it real
BS: are euros white?
THC: no

THC: eddie griffin thinks he's steve kerr
BS: i think i'm eddie griffin
THC: i bet eddie g has taken pcp
BR: eddie griffin thinks he's raef lafrentz
BS: i bet kandiman has
BR: kandiman is a dandy
BS: does raef get laid a lot
BR: no
THC: no
BR: scalabrine?
BR: yes
BR: he tells them he's mark rappaport
BS: we should do a post on basketball dandies
BS: didn't i say chandler was a dandy?
THC: fine line between dandy and fbp
THC: chandler
THC: olowokandi
THC: theres something about big men
THC: dampier is sort of a dandy
BR: oooh, is cat mobley a dandy?
BR: he seems to fit the part, but dandy is pejorative
BR: and i like cat mobley
THC: cat dandy

BS: i think you meant michael rappaport
THC: michael rappaport used to be the man
BR: yes
THC: rappaport was the one guy respected by woody allen AND spike lee
BR: mark rappaport is like an indie film director, right?
BR: i used to think it was the same guy, which kind of blew my dome
THC: we should do a post on michael rappaport
BS: i thought he was in red house painters


At 10/27/2005 4:29 PM, Blogger emynd said...

BS: i think i'm eddie griffin

BR: he tells them he's mark rappaport

You guys are hilarious.


At 10/28/2005 2:26 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

did you guys see that paul wall got married?

is he more or less down than michael (got it right this time) rappaport?

i think more. and that means something!


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