The Power of Independent Trucking
Every single day, everywhere I go, from the samosa joints of Devon to the Burberry boutiques of Michigan, from the liquor stores of Cottage Grove to the day spas of Clark, from the car dealerships on Western to the blue collar bars on Cermak, everybody keeps asking me:
"Yo...Dr. Lawyer IndianChief. What's it gonna take....
We know Bethlehem Shoals n them, The Esquire n them...
We know y'all aren't happy. What's it gonna take...
What's it gonna take for this season to be redeemed for y'all?"
Someone on the blog asked about The Suns winning the finals. Ok, I'm interested. I could also go for Raymond Felton winning ROY, Dalembert winning DPOY, or Sam Mitchell winning COY. Lebron James chewing his sorry ass team out. Vazquez joining the Magic so we could preview a Darko-Fran-Dwightbeast frontcourt with Jameer running the point. The Clippers winning a playoff series. Steve Francis and Marbury fighting each other at The Rucker. KG robbing a Denny's. Larry Brown mic'd up and caught, during the last game of a season in a timeout, saying, "I just want you to know, I love you guys." Krstic and Good Vince bumping chests. Stephen Jackson declaring himself "The Mayor of Indiana." Antonio Davis joining the Spurs for a final playoff run.
All of this would range from mildly to extremely enjoyable...But I want something more. I want to see Ron Artest play center.
This is the only thing that could redeem the season for me at this point, and it makes perfect sense. Now before you start griping about me not understanding the Princeton Offense or trying to be outrageous, hear me out. Kenny Thomas is a small forward, not a PF. Brad Miller is a big guy who loves to pass and take the step back jumper. Miller now becomes the Webber of four years ago. Ron Artest is built like no other human and could probably harass and wear down any big man in the league for 48 minutes. The guy isn't that much smaller than Ben Wallace. Artest is the human embodiment of a mountain, a volcano if you will. With no beginning and no end. Barkley, but more wily. Oakley, but smoother. Unseld, but less classic.
I have grown sick of all the positions being redefined over the past few years. Big men don't want to play big, point guards want to shoot instead of pass, and 6-8 guys don't want to do anything great; they just want to do it all. KG, Dirk, Darko, Arvydas, Franchise, Harrington, Odom...they're all guilty. Yet I am giving in now once and for all. I cannot beat them, so I have joined them...imploring Coach Adelman all the way: Let Ron Artest play center so that the season can be saved.