FreeDrafto as it happened
For two and a half hours, DLIC, the Recluse and myself chatted relentlessly over most of the first round's twists and turns. These are the highlights, and are presented only partially as important opinions on the 2006 NBA Draft.
Bethlehem Shoals: i like how knicks fans can't tell the difference between the nba and the knicks
Dr. Lawyer IndianChief: since when did dan patrick become the nba guy
DLIC: like, for everything
BS: why can't draft coverage ever become wary
BS: why is cv so dispensable?
DLIC: stephen a. will talk about trading kg in approximately 45 minutes
BS: this is a draft of talking about players that aren't being drafted
DLIC: best call of the night so far
DLIC: bilas doesnt want it with stephen a.
Brown Recluse: bargnani is kind of a pimp
BR: is nyc chanting "overrated"?
BS: andrea is better looking than any other 7' euro
BR: what about pau gasol (with his mouth shut)?
BS: can andrea NOT do any of these things?
DLIC: charlie v. is not watching the draft right now
DLIC: he's busy
BR: portland is MAKING MOVES
BS: is khrypa tradeable?
DLIC: khrypa is franchise
BS: they're pulling a '02 nuggets
BR: damn, his moms is tall!
DLIC: did a trade happen or not?
BS: so they aren't getting morrison?
BR: maybe they think they can get morrison with boston's pick
DLIC: oh shit
DLIC: if charlotte takes thomas it will fuck everything up
BR: zach r. is GONE
BS: ALL TRADED FOR IVERSON
BS: "weak base"=mr. lamp
DLIC: aldridge is going to get pushed
BS: a. is talking about big baby
BS: "i don't think the game is over for big baby"
DLIC: girls love big baby
BR: big baby is going to make it
BS: like that 'kiss song
BS: he hums that over cereal
DLIC: foreign video clips are hilarious
DLIC: it's like dudes in empty gyms
DLIC: i was so wrong
BS: jordan hates freedarko
DLIC: this is an amazing draft
BR: jordan does hate freedarko
DLIC: who did he kiss?
BS: he kissed rudy gay
BS: get it?
BS: fag judas?
DLIC: rudolph homosexual III
DLIC: (aka rudy gay)
BS: jokes for days
BS: what if rudy had a tougher first name?
BS: this is the whitest draft ever
BR: morrison looks vaguely native american
BS: he looks a lacross player
BR: nah, too skinny
DLIC: "vaguely native american"
BR: he looks like a fisherman
DLIC: he needs a fisherman cat
BS: like a sidekick that's a cat?
DLIC: METALLICA'S COMING TO CHITOWN
BR: was that a joke?
DLIC: that was a mistake
BS: i’m from the CHA
BS: patrick's face is getting flatter. shelden's eyes and nose are collapsing into each other. these measure the end of the world.
BS: aldridge doesn't block shots?
DLIC: that’s just absurd
DLIC: did atlanta really make a promise to shelden williams?
BS: shelden is a walking promise. he is honesty itself
DLIC: didn’t he hit a girl
BR: he was charged with gang rape in high school
BS: did vitale just make an anti-italian remark?
BR: stephen a. is a moron
BS: bulls champs
BS: uh, not without a #1 option
BS: i love how reporters have their pet rumors
BS: like they've got publishing points on them
DLIC: stephen a. talks to shaq on the phone every day
BS: thomas is more of a kid than even josh smith was
DLIC: yeah he is
DLIC: frederick douglas = old school?
BR: that was weird
BS: this is a fairly good looking draft
BS: he looks like a hesher. morrison i mean
DLIC: morrison is a fucking dude i went to hebrew school with
BR: ballers are pretty good looking in general
DLIC: is a magician in the sack
DLIC: i haven’t felt like i was going to vomit since this halloween party a couple years ago
DLIC: but i feel it now
BR: for real?
BR: bad indian food?
DLIC: rajun cajun
DLIC: shit is dope
BS: cajun indian food
DLIC: shelden got called tarzan
DLIC: thats post-colonial
BS: that's double colonial
BR: it's okay because stuart is black
DLIC: this corn is dope
BS: that’s a line about sheldon
BS: "the corn is dope"
BR: the only research stephen a. did was look at a list of teams by points allowed
BS: this is a draft of players being told they're not wanted
BS: mccants, jaric, randolph etc. etc.
BR: so, blazers could get aldridge and gay?
BR: that's pretty sweet
BR: if those guys went hard all the time, they'd have gone 1-2
BR: they're the most naturally talented players
DLIC: my brother called
DLIC: he said that the new york crowd is chanting
DLIC: "SHELDEN IS GAY SHELDEN IS GAY"
DLIC: i dont hear that though
BS: brandon roy: all ears team
BS: w/ r-jeff, kobe, diaw
BS: why didn't aldridge get interview?
DLIC: they didn’t know what team aldridge was gonna be on
DLIC: they sent him to the green room
DLIC: guillermo diaz is in there
DLIC: eating a lot
DLIC: whip it real hard
DLIC: houston is gonna be good
BR: gay, t-mac, and yao???
BS: gay would make up for not getting bush
DLIC: oh my god
BS: yeah, i typed that
BS: a: "are you worried about gay's ball-handling skills?"
DLIC: portland could have had aldridge and gay
DLIC: thats just dumb
DLIC: i dont like the foye pick
BS: character is an aspect of versatility?
BR: i kind of like bassy/foye as a backcourt
BR: short, though
BR: oh, wait, foye is portland
BR: i keep forgetting that
BR: foye and jack is good
BR: jack's like 6-3 and built like a tank
DLIC: vitale likes foye
DLIC: a lot
BR: and jack looks like cuba gooding, jr.
BS: I LOVE FOYE
BS: HE'S DWYANE WADE
BS: I AM THE EQUINOX
DLIC: FOYE NOT = WADE
BR: foye's good, though
BS: foye is pretty gully
BS: he looks like a defensive back
BS: battier actually isn't that bad
BR: that's who houston could use
BS: t-mac averages 35
BS: + yao?
DLIC: houston = lottery again
BR: battier is okay, but he's like dale ellis or something. gay is, uh, rashard lewis or someone
BS: hilton is killing it
BR: fuck it, they're both dale ellis
DLIC: this is a draft of people wearing the wrong hats
BS: "one of the best players i can be" the post tim thomas quote of the day
BS: fuck van gundy
BS: fuck chris darden
BS: fuck marcia clark
DLIC: van gundys should open a restaurant
DLIC: jerry west = the illuminati
BS: carney is next
DLIC: GAY AND WARRICK
DLIC: chris mullin is pissed
BS: pob=THE CHEESECAKE
DLIC: oh shit
DLIC: WHAT THE FUCK
BR: minnesota gets foye? they must want him to play point
DLIC: THEY GOT THE NAMES CONFUSED
DLIC: and drafted the wrong guy
BR: portland's whole team is going to be guys from the pacific nw
BS: first unknown african
BR: i love it when david stern's voice cracks
BS: a: "is he from texas?"
BR: he has the longest arms EVER
BS: that wingspan’s not real
BS: that's like a schoolbus
BR: the next dikembe
BS: that's like a shark!
BS: in a bus!
BS: (the shark doesn't make the bus any longer)
DLIC: seattle = now the most freedarko team in the united nations
BR: sene and swift=ebony and ivory twin towers
BS: amelia can't stop laughing at the highliughts of him
BR: me neither
BR: absolutely long
BS: ASBOLUTELY LONG
BS: why does it seem like every lottery player is still on the board
DLIC: i cant believe a. is watching the draft
BR: n. is watching the draft, too
BR: chicks love the draft
DLIC: i watched the nfl draft with a chick
BS: ACTIVE SOCIAL LIFE
DLIC: so nobody who got drafted is playing for the team that drafted them
DLIC: bargnani = SMOKESCREEN
BR: orlando is going to take brewer
BS: weird shots=country
BR: where is marion from? texas?
BR: carney's the next j.r. smith
BS: shouldn't j.r. get traded tonight?
BS: to the rockets?
BS: he would be perfect there
BS: i would intern for him
DLIC: orlando is the whitest team in the L
DLIC: they're just shameful thats all
BR: that kind of works, though. orlando is mickey mouse
BS: why does vitale act like people are courageous for picking who he wants them to?
BS: what does it even mean for a white player to be "an athlete?"
BS: they should just make it racially coded
BS: "as great as he is, he doesn't demand a double team"
BS: you can be great and not command a double team?
DLIC: howard DOES demand a double team
DLIC: howard is going to be the best forward in the league momentarily
BR: he is supposed to be in chapel hill hill this summer, taking classes
BR: he loves the heels
BS: who doens't like howard
DLIC: reddick sounds unhappy that he has to stop drinking
BS: i keep on waiting for someone on radio to mention our rumor in his list of troubles
DLIC: "I'm gonna do some community service whether or not the court makes me"
DLIC: you're just gonna do some community service for my sins?
DLIC: hilton armstrong
DLIC: fuck yes
DLIC: whip it real hard
DLIC: i mean
DLIC: hilton armstrong, bitch
BS: i can't wait for this interview
DLIC: the draft isnt the same without the knicks
BS: what makes a player rick ross?
DLIC: sort of nerdy
DLIC: but will fight
BS: "when you get easy baskets, it makes the game easier"
BR: i don't get this guy
BR: is he west indian?
BS: another foy
BS: no one wants to draft anyone
BS: this draft might as well have never happened
BS: it will change nothing
BS: they should send everyone overseas
BS: why doesn't everyone just draft brandon roy
BS: and sort it out later
DLIC: stern is fucking late
DLIC: stern is killing shit though
DLIC: stern is jeff garlin
DLIC: stern is motown
DLIC: thabo is having an extended conversation with stern
DLIC: LIDS REFERENCE
BS: PRODUCE PLACEMENT
BS: bilas=mr. divorce
DLIC: what do we think about thabo plus deng
DLIC: liberal arts world music class
BS: + chapo
BR: deng can make him more african
BS: utah selects john wayne gacy
DLIC: utah will try to draft reddick anyways
BS: stern vs. patrick
BS: new reality show: jew vs. gentile
BR: i meant whoa, like, they're talking shit to each other
DLIC: that was the shit
DLIC: the draft is the one night where people get a little nuts
DLIC: like stephen a. dissing Chillin Villian
BR: brewer’s got the blackest suit yet
BS: yeah i saw him in the beginning
BR: DIRTY SOUTH!
DLIC: RONNIE BREWER'S DAD
BS: corduroy and stache
BS: dressing runs in their blood
BS: the brewers, not the blacks
BR: that's not corduroy
BR: dad's was pinstripe
BR: he shoots sideways
BS: shootin sidewayz
BS: a: "do they not have any doctors in arkansas?"
BR: you'd think an nba player could get his son's arm set properly
BS: did he live in arkansas when his arm got broke?
DLIC: i think d-miles got traded for jaric
DLIC: chad ford reports
BS: no one ever talks about steals during the draft
DLIC: "second jump ability"
DLIC: that’s a fucking new one
BS: how does cedric simmons have a baby daddy?
BS: stu just said that
BS: "that's his baby daddy"
DLIC: this bear commercial is kind of the shit
BR: stu uses hip hop slang but doesn't understand it
BR: it's embarrassing
DLIC: my liking of stu scott is correlated with me no longer being a backpacker
BS: sir jinx is runnin thangz
BS: dj pooh drop that shit homey
DLIC: "an nba guy, like john calipari"
DLIC: that’s just confusing
BS: i always forget that calipari actually coaches
BS: and isn't just a recruiter who gets judged solely on the potential teams he could've had
BS: why did carney just do the d-miles head thing?
BR: THAT dude is the hornets' GM?
BR: he looks like he manages a boston market
BS: why does greg anthony act like he never played the game
DLIC: i'm so sick of stern being late
DLIC: he's like somebody's parents
DLIC: WHATS AN IPOD?
BS: this draft is totally ipod
DLIC: cold and plastic
DLIC: bilas is shitting himself because he put mwilliams at #9
BS: these wingspans are made up
DLIC: he's criticized every pick since #9
BR: he's a good driver in a straight line
BR: i wonder if he's a winner
BS: my girl has a six one wingspan
BR: i have a 5-8 wingspan
BR: and i'm 5-10
BR: asians have short arms (see yao ming)
BR: what's yao's wingspan?
BR: does it matter if you're 7-5?
DLIC: bilas is fuming
DLIC: his mock is all fucked up
BR: let it go, bilas!!!!
DLIC: bilas just took a paycut
DLIC: wizards are going to try to draft a high schooler
DLIC: how do the knicks have a pick
BS: i think they just got given one
BS: sterns' ad libs=totally tongue in cheek
DLIC: new york is back
DLIC: this is fucking the highlight of the night
DLIC: OH SHIT
DLIC: THIS DUDE IS KILLING SHIT
DLIC: it's over
DLIC: bilas just can't let go of marcus williams
BS: they don't even pretend to believe what they're saying at this point.
BR: stephen a. is losing his mind
DLIC: simmons is now sitting on a goldmine
DLIC: so much material
BR: wonder what the celtics will do with all those guards
BR: i guess they have all those bigs, too.
BR: that's okay if you're hibernating
BS: did we say anything after i left?
DLIC: nothing important
DLIC: those new york dudes
BS: i don't like being in something called "buddy chat"
BR: wait, where did gay end up? memphis?
BR: did this pick get traded?
BR: if not, that's a good pick
BS: did ray go?
DLIC: stern will announce it next year
DLIC: allen ray
DLIC: hasn't been drafted
BR: allen ray?
BS: wait, who did bilas say should fight each other
BR: get kobe some help!
BS: i think we're done
DLIC: i'm done
BR: it's not even the end of the first round, you pussies