Here, My Dear
In honor of the commencement of the Finals, the big homies over at Mcsweeney's gave my hatefest on the Heat front page treatment today. I'm attempting to write some subtext to the piece, but am getting distracted by this Youtube clip of Marvin Gaye's "Mercy Mercy Me," in which a computer-generated tear is emitted from Marvin's 2-D face to begin the video and then numerous "stars" from Big Daddy Kane, to David Bowie, to what appears to be Holly Robinson Peete give very upset looks into the camera....WHICH IS CLEARLY A METAPHOR FOR THE CONFUSION I AM EXPERIENCING OVER THE CURRENT POSTSEASON
The Heat or The Mavericks will win the Finals in 6 games. I have no idea anymore. Although I have publicly committed to picking the Heat, I simply can't be sure of anything at this point in my life. Marc Stein called Dirk Nowitzki "the toughest player to guard in the series," a series that--just in case anybody needs clarification (or if any ex-girlfriends who don't know anything about basketball are reading this)--includes Shaquille O'Neal. Feel me? David Dupree compared Nowitzki to Jordan in that Dirk "picks up something new every offseason." Dwyane Wade was also deemed Jordan-like for playing a playoff game with the sniffles ("sniffles" was the term used by Udonis Haslem to describe the bug going around the Heat lockerroom). And last series, BOTH Raja Bell and Josh Howard were called "Willis Reed" for coming back and playing with injuries. The NBA is but a mere middle school theater production, in which Emeka Okafor and Eddy Curry are given non-speaking roles as foliage and the part of Willis Reed is chosen before the beginning of every season (next year, I believe the role will be played by Mehmet Okur).
So what do we know? Nothing. In times like this, I tend to go with the team that has more to lose. Shaq and Pat's legacy on the line = Heat should win.
Everybody wants to change the world. Freedarko is just doing our part to make sense of things.