FD Opening Night CentCom, Act II

Anyone looking for actual writing should be on the look out for my deifnitive meditation on Amare, coming to a Deadspin near you at some point tomorrow. But as promised, we followed up our first chat session with another installment during the first half of Lakers/Suns. Unfortunately, I was so busy editing it down that I only half-appreciated the Lakers' comeback; I take it that the Suns got trounced in the paint by Bynum, Evans, and Walton, Odom added another chamber to his catacombs of mystery, and Farmar proved that he's Bibby, not Jewish.

Brown Recluse, Esq.: luke walton is starting
BR: bynum is like a better version of brendan haywood
Bethlehem ShoalS: fuck i had it on the wrong channel
BS: opening night!!!

BS: underrated aspect of the suns: everyone twists like a shooting guard in the lane
BS: it's like the gameplan is LITHE
BR: ha ha
BS: remember when everyone was tryng to trade for thomas?
BR: kurt?
BR: i think we've talked many times about how weird it is that 6'10 rugged dudes who can rebound are so valuable.
BR: it's like, you're 6-10, 250, go out there and rebound and play defense, and you'll always have a job. what the fuck?
BS: still?
BR: sure
BR: you always need rebounds
BR: chuck is d-wade's lil penny
BS: with the game going like it is, there's more and more long boards, less post necessity
BR: 6-10 guys can rebound anything they want
BS: not if they can't move backwards
BS: or whatever the opposite of lateral is
BR: if they jump high enough
BR: and quickly enough
BS: thomas can't jump
BS: at least not up

(enter DLIC)

Dr. Lawyer IndianChief: they should have started amare
DLIC: what was the point of keeping him on the bench for four and a half minutes
DLIC: kill his confidence
BS: daggers in my heart on the pick and non-roll
BR: dlic doesn't know, probably, but i drafted amare in the third round
BS: i never knew but the opposite of a finisher is odom
BS: if i knew how to play basketbakll i would hate odom
BS: that was it
BR: so good
DLIC: i missed the amare dunk

BR: vujajic is terrible
DLIC: i figured some shit out
DLIC: the diving board lebrons commercial is the black rushmore
BR: uh.........
BS: wow, amare is really up there
BS: a little feathery
BR: seriously, vujajic is awful
BS: but he's got that lift
DLIC: the lakers are completely irrelevant
DLIC: they are the cowboys of the nba
DLIC: there is nothing interesting about the cowboys
DLIC: but t.o. and parcells means always on sportscenter

DLIC: fuck the lakers whole shit
DLIC: the lakers...
DLIC: are disrespectful to odom's pain
DLIC: nobody cares
DLIC: they have no dawgs
DLIC: except vlad
BR: dude, you're drunk
DLIC: kobe, vlad, and odom
DLIC: i'm being serious
DLIC: the lakers have zero dawgs
DLIC: walton?
BS: smush?
BR: walton's not a dawg
BR: smush is kinda dawgish
DLIC: they're too young
DLIC: they all think they'll win championships in the future
DLIC: odom is playing for right now
BS: odom is younger than me

DLIC: i'm just saying
BR: kobe wanted a team with people who looked up to him, which means young and no dawgs
BR: kobe can only dominate teammates that are a little bit pussy
DLIC: phil jackson doesn't care
DLIC: kwame's eyes are womanish
BS: we are totally phil jackson
DLIC: don't put that thing in the chat about the black rushmore

BS: primping
DLIC: tex winter is freedarko
BS: is tex winter even texan
DLIC: ok
DLIC: watch the adidas commercial closely
BS: fake parade
BS: hah
DLIC: seriously
DLIC: i always wonder that

BS: one more thing: when did odom get such a scorer's instinct?
BR: i don't know, he's always had a weird sort of b-ball iq
BR: like, he's a savant
BR: i mean, an idiot savant
BS: good with isolated complex problems but oblivious to the whole or the final application?


At 11/01/2006 1:37 AM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i should probably add that the second half brought tales of kobe consoling odom, bynum's breakthrough, and the crashing realization that the suns might be figured out. the raw chat included all of us praising maurice evans before he got hot, and us wondering if phil jackson was actually in the building. nobody ever said we were perfect--we just try to be somewhat readable.

At 11/01/2006 2:04 AM, Blogger T. said...

Any reason Turriaf didn't get to play in the 2nd half?

At 11/01/2006 2:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

black rushmore??? i had to be the first to say it.

those lebrons commercials are garbage.

At 11/01/2006 3:57 AM, Blogger Wild Yams said...

I think it's important to note that the Lakers had more fast-break points than the Suns did, and that tonight's Laker win wasn't just a case of the Lakers having the Suns "figured out" (i.e. pounding it inside like they did in the '06 playoffs). Phoenix does a miserable job against teams with any size though, and the Lakers have that in spades. The Lakers are going to be a very athletic, very deep team once Kobe and Kwame return. And they've still gotta be way up there in terms of the youngest teams in the league.

How awful is Shaq going to be this year? Huge multi-year contract in hand, post-Kobe ring in hand... is there going to be anything motivating him to put forth some effort this year? ESPN is right on with this comment from their Daily Dime: "Age and low effort are a deadly combination. Shaq, Antoine, and GP (7-for-24, 10 turnovers) will make Miami look two steps behind on a lot of nights. The effort thing will no doubt be a continuing and escalating source of frustration for Pat Riley and Dwyane Wade."

At 11/01/2006 5:30 AM, Anonymous Kaifa said...

Since I only saw the recaps of the two games, I have nothing of substance to add (other than that I dropped Kwame and signed Bynum in my fantasy league). But maybe these links will be of interest - get your Latin ready for the second one!



At 11/01/2006 8:32 AM, Blogger Critical Sports Blog said...

Shaq looks terrible and I doubt the Heat will do much more than a first round playoff exit.

At 11/01/2006 10:03 AM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

i've always thought it was retarded that "using size" meant "grinding it out like a rolling cow." bynum, walton and evans were bigger and as athletic than whatever was on them, so they took it inside with the quickness and the took advantage of their size. and it worked a lot better, or at least more beatifully, than in the playoffs.

At 11/01/2006 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I gotta say that your guys' chat was somewhat readable as you said BS, but a lot of stream of consciousness rants in there too. People are looking into this Phoenix loss too much too soon. It really doesn't mean anything this early and before anyone crowns Bynum the next whatever it is they want to crown him, remember he was playing against the shortest team in the league. The Suns aren't exactly known for their lockdown D.

At 11/01/2006 10:53 AM, Anonymous J.E. Skeets said...

"kwame's eyes are womanish"


At 11/01/2006 11:37 AM, Blogger mutoni said...


someone just got famous, well, more famous that is

At 11/01/2006 11:55 AM, Blogger Joey said...

Shoals--co-sign the inclusion of interior quickness in the accepted definition of "using size."

Didn't really account for Shaq looking horrible when I put the Heats in the Finals, but I also think: 1) it was just one game; 2) it was a meaningless game; 3) let's talk in April. Oh, and they still have Dwyane.

At 11/01/2006 12:00 PM, Anonymous Aaron said...

I think last night showed a lot more about the Heat than about the Suns. I don't think the Suns are particularly figured out inasmuch as their style of play expects (nay, guarantees!) losses like that one. It's high risk, high reward basketball.

I do think that last night showed that Nash is far less important to the Suns than anyone will admit. And that Nash's new haircut makes him look ridiculous.

At 11/01/2006 12:08 PM, Blogger salt_bagel said...

Sportscenter with the Lebrons all day Wednesday, apparently. They actually just interviewed Wise and Business about the battle over Lebron's soul. Fuzzy B/W footage of Wise's high school quadruple double included. I know it's tongue in cheek and all, but come on, Disney.

High point: Business claims he dropped a half-court finger roll playing with Gervin in NYC.

At 11/01/2006 12:10 PM, Blogger Joey said...

Nash looks like he is trying out for the neighborhood garage-rock band. What a disaster--at least the old hair was unique, if ugly.

Nice of Simmons to include a lin--oh, wait. He hates blogs. I forgot.

At 11/01/2006 12:14 PM, Blogger Nate said...

Free Amare...

At 11/01/2006 12:41 PM, Blogger salt_bagel said...

Nash looks like House now.

At 11/01/2006 1:01 PM, Blogger Vegan Viking said...

Jordan Farmar is going to be a nice fit with that Laker team; he's just what they need in that conference. And by January Kobe will have cured him of his habit of dribbling too much.

At 11/01/2006 1:08 PM, Blogger Harriet Tubwoman said...

Greetings BS, BR, DLIC, et al.

Long time reader, first time caller... er, commenter (this internet blogging phenomenon seems to have permanently supplanted sports talk radio).

Kaifa, long ago I was a Classics student and I have attempted to translate KB24's Latin passage from his self-righteous website:

"To know is above all /
Your life is the only life /
May you live thus always /
Accomplish the most of the moment alone, /
Of the second and the hour as you have [done], /
Time stands still for noone."

Pretty straightforward stanza, but presenting it in Latin adds a gravitas to the text. Of course, 95% of people visiting KB24's slick new site featuring all things Mamba will look blankly at the Latin text and assume it means something sententious or pithy, like "Semper Fi" or "E Pluribus Unum" or whatever Classical phraseology has creeped into the proletariat's pop-vernacular.

Just like New York, Harriet Tubwoman is in the House of Flav / FD... to all you plaaayerhaaaterz, Mad respeck.

wv: kmtkl
Kobe's marketing team knows Latin

At 11/01/2006 1:17 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

so we're not assuming that this came from the vicious quill of kobe himself?

WV=gilwvds (gilbert's wanton video discs)

At 11/01/2006 1:58 PM, Anonymous ronaldjamesdavis said...

im feeling the notion of mamba scrawling that shit by candlelight

At 11/01/2006 2:16 PM, Anonymous Pichi Campana Aguanta said...

Just a couple thoughts: I know we've all discussed this before, but as a life long Lakerhater I find it fascinating that I find myself rooting for the Lakers and actively hating the Suns. I think it's the Raja Bell factor.

Second of all, I don't watch a lot of television so I haven't been overexposed to all the commercials and ESPN overplay, but I have to admit that I cracked up at that LeBrons commercial with the platform dive.

At 11/01/2006 4:20 PM, Blogger Fornelli said...

the diving board lebrons commercial is the black rushmore

Ok, that killed me.

At 11/01/2006 4:21 PM, Blogger Wild Yams said...

Steve Nash is truly amazing. How is he able to have such short hair and have it be arguably messier than his long hair was? I would think that if you take the clippers to your whole head you would guarantee that your hair wouldn't be a total disaster (although if you've got a weirdly shaped head there could be other problems, naturally).

My favorite Doug Collins comment last night was about 7 minutes into the first quarter when he said "I think Leandro Barbosa is gonna be my 6th man of the year this year." Why wait and see how everyone plays this year, let's just hand out that award on opening night along with last year's championship rings.

At 11/01/2006 9:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

6th man nothing, barbosa should be starting and averaging 24...30 pts on opening night was no fluke.. he looked so calm out there, checking his grip on the ball before hitting his 6th 3.. (he hit 2 more that didn't count). that kind of range and i have yet to see a defender able stay in front of him.


At 11/01/2006 9:50 PM, Blogger JoshLove said...

3rd quarter and Arenas is taking "zero to hero" to its logical extreme. Is it just a matter of being overanxious, or is he consciously manufacturing fuel for subsequent fire?

At 11/01/2006 10:00 PM, Blogger T. said...

Another poor debut for one of the two FD icons for 2006-07. Can Shoals find it in his heart to adopt Duncan and Dirk as well so the Rox can move up? Thanks!

At 11/01/2006 10:05 PM, Anonymous ronaldjamesdavis said...

i can only hope that arenas manages to turn this into yet another snub. however, at this point im struggling to believe its something other than lebron being in his head. zero almost seems adrift at this point.

At 11/01/2006 10:07 PM, Blogger JoshLove said...

worse still, the epic fragility of Gerald Wallace lives on.

wv: wlvzb - Wolves blow?

At 11/02/2006 12:17 PM, Blogger Z. Jackson said...

Nothing to say on the darkening of the Staples Center lights? I personally find this fascinating, for whatever its worth...

At 2/15/2007 4:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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