FreeDrafto, Pt. 84394: On the Banks of Camp America
It's FreeDrafto time. I've been looking over the draft order over and over and didn't bother watching the first half of the game. The
[DLIC was secluded with a bottle of Randy Foye’s holy water for the duration and emerged after it was all over for a brief cameo.]
Brown Recluse, Esq.: dan patrick shouldn't be allowed to interview 19 year olds
Shoals: i have a purpose
Shoals: did you ever wonder if they stage the conversations beforehand?
Shoals: like when gerald wallace or felton goes
Shoals: what do they have to say to gm's?
Shoals: or is there some middle ground
Shoals: like "you'll have more to say to this vet than a gm, so stand by him"
Shoals: did you catch those first great billisisisisms?
Shoals: "like a condor and a deer"
Shoals: and "he loves to win, but he also hates to lose"
BR: that one makes sense
Shoals: isn't it given?
Shoals: or rather, who doesn't like to win?
BR: i'm sure lebron loves to win, but he didn't seem to mind losing last night too much
Shoals: everyone is so tired of hurling superlatives at oden and durant
Shoals: you can hear the fatigue in their voice
BR: it's funny how that one chad ford column seems to have made it like a consensus that oden is the clear #1 now
BR: maybe that's because chad ford was the one who created the whole "durant could be #1" thing in the first place
BR: so who goes #3?
Shoals: i am all about corey brewer
BR: corey brewer is nice, i hope he goes to the suns
Billups: horford to the bucks at 3
Billups: i actually see the bucks trading their pick
Billups: for jason terry maybe?
Shoals: are the bucks allowed to trade with other teams?
Shoals: there's not like a quarantine surrounding them?
Billups: only when men with no eyebrows are involved
Shoals: again, weird quarantine
Shoals: it's stupid to name a team after deer
Shoals: they are so pleasant and gentle, even in anger
BR: the best draft lottery moment ever is when jerry krause started convulsing in spasms of joy
BR: over elton brand, who they later turned into......p.j. brown
Billups: so you guys think oden to
Shoals: 18.8% chance of oden or durant
Shoals: i want it like that, need it like that, etc.
Shoals: since i had such good luck for the texans and their high draft pick. . .
Billups: i am going to go throw up and pray before this starts.
Billups: be right back
Shoals: i take it billups is pulling for phi-town
Billups: yeah, you can take it i'm pulling for philly.
Shoals: recluse? chicago i assume
BR: i guess, i was just talking about how i don't have any team allegiances at all anymore
Shoals: b. king looks like a wilbon impersonator, like he's a different gender
Billups: pump your brakes on the billy king mockery
Billups: if only for 1 more minute
Shoals: isn't bird good luck for the celtics?
Shoals: i'm sorry, but i am calling foye "holy war" from now on
Billups: Fred Whitfield was personally responsible for bringing the censored version of The Wire to BET
Shoals: wire: in a good or bad way? like he demanded they censor it?
Shoals: you know wilkens is jewish, right?
BR: he's on some sammy
Billups: an all or nothing proposition for the hawks, guys
Shoals: nique totally has a mojohead
Shoals: jerry west does not give a fuck
Billups: ADAM SILVER IS IN THE BUILDING
BR: is that guy okay?
Shoals: he's totally death camp
Billups: this is wild corny, just start from 1. it's not a season-ending cliffhanger of falcon crest
Shoals: this is insanely anti-climactic
Billups: holy shit!
Shoals: did silver just say "wow?"
Billups: DOC'S DA NAME!
Shoals: HOLY SHIT
Billups: THIS IS QUALITY TV
Shoals: this is the future
Shoals: there's a game after this?
Shoals: silver is like the thing that lives inside stern's stomach
Shoals: holy shit
Billups: COME ON
Billups: GIVE PAUL ALLEN A BREAK
Shoals: i get to spend all next year with oden or durant
Shoals: DURANT MOTHERFUCKER
Shoals: the northwest just became the epicenter of the known basketball universe
Shoals: this turned out perfectly. i feel so helpless
BR: they're totally letting rashard lewis go
Shoals: no way.
Shoals: shard + durant=nowhere to run
Shoals: what could be more effective than having two identical players on the floor
Shoals: god, aldridge/oden is SCARY
Shoals: like not even basketball scary
Shoals: i am for real stunned right now
Shoals: yet somehow i am the only one talking
BR: AND #11, right?
BR: they get
BR: that atl pick is hilarious because they STILL need a point guard, right?
BR: but, conley is not the third best player in the draft
Shoals: they'll take conley
Shoals: and thaddeus young
Shoals: who is more 6'8" than thaddeus young?
Shoals: AND HE ALREADY PLAYS THERE
BR: they CANNOT have thaddeus young, josh smith, marvin williams, joe johnson, AND josh childress
BR: yeah, they’re still going to draft him
Billups: Acie to ATL?
DLIC: i'm not even in front of a tv
DLIC: i heard
DLIC: new t-shirts
DLIC: STOP TANKING
DLIC: wait...this shit is nuts
DLIC: simmons is crying