Where Only Modesty Chuckles

Not that anyone noticed, but I've been making quite a beechwood-aged stink about my NFL boycott. And I still have to say, at the most strenuous levels of anguish and reward, I hate that shit. Over the week or so, however, several things have transpired to pull me, ever so coyly, back into that sport's doughy folds.

-The demise of the FD fantasy football league: It was the symbolic divorce I needed, but it also gave me room to just watch the damn game (as on Thursday). Then again, I immediately regretted not having any point totals to keep sluicing about it my head.

-Ufford's first Prelude column: Like someone handed me the keys to guilt-free, drab-free NFL fandom.

-The pain I feel today: For reasons whose pivot is beyond anyone's control, I have to shut myself in this afternoon and write something. Since my new t.v. hasn't yet arrived, that means I'll be excluded from the year's first Tomlinson mega-epic. I know that he might not exactly shred up Chicago, but there's very little in sports that makes me raise hands skyward like that man. Also the Seahawks start at the same time, which ruled out wading through a bar. I hate bars, especially those clumped with homers, especially today.

So anyway, in the interest of truth, reconciliation, and my not feeling like I'm totally missing out today, I hereby commence the first ever (of any kind) FreeDarko open thread. It will be about football, and it might fail miserably. But it would make this poor brewer's day if he could have some sort of like-minded companionship as he rediscovers the sport he never really knew.


At 9/09/2007 1:51 PM, Blogger donita reason said...

i'm supposed to be writing something right now too, but i'm really just watching the return of donovon mcnabb and baking cupcakes. we're watching the chargers game later if you get done and want to wear your jersey out.

fyi, addai earned me 19 points on thursday.

At 9/09/2007 2:32 PM, Blogger dan said...

Are the Bears the Spurs of the NFL? Fundamentally sound but wholly uninteresting to watch team? If so, Horry = Urlacher and Parker = Darvin Hester.


At 9/09/2007 2:54 PM, Blogger Dan said...

the redemption of randy moss begins

At 9/09/2007 3:19 PM, Blogger Brickowski said...

The Bears are the product of annually being a good team in the worst division in football. Home field in the Chicago winter means a lot to a team that's all about D, and it's pretty fucking easy to get home field when you play 6 games every year against the Lions, Packers and Vikings. In the NFL, schedule means everything.

That's reason # 193 why the NBA is superior.

Also, unlike the Spurs, the Bears are not a dynasty.

At 9/09/2007 3:50 PM, Anonymous Sean said...

Randy fucking Moss.

At 9/09/2007 4:27 PM, Blogger Brickowski said...

So, can we just fast forward to Pats-Colts and USC-LSU?

At 9/09/2007 5:20 PM, Anonymous zmarker said...

I don't think anything with ties to Rex Grossman could ever be referred to as "fundamentally sound."

At 9/09/2007 6:26 PM, Anonymous Sean said...

That Nike commercial with Shawn Merriman and Stephen Jackson is both kinda cool and kinda annoying

At 9/09/2007 8:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh NBA season, how i long for your sweet embrace.

i want gilbert arenas to suddenly decide being a quarterback is his true calling and come play for the oakland raiders.
then come back MJ style in a couple of years and win 3 titles in a row.

SPACE JAM 2: Gilbert's Gambit

wv oaltxg: oh al thornton, being xenophobic is no good.

At 9/09/2007 8:57 PM, Anonymous paper tiger said...

well, i gotta say i was actually a little disheartened to learn that there had ever been an FD fantasy football league. but i take relief from the nonpoppedoffedness of this here thread.
besides, y'all, the bengals don't play till tomorrow.

wv ebvwrz: eric b votes without real zeal. (i mean, shit, the man was president.)

At 9/09/2007 9:08 PM, Blogger goathair said...

Grossman and Hester are quite FD.

At 9/09/2007 9:27 PM, Blogger personalmathgenius said...

College football is way more Darkonian than Pro. The unpredictability of pro football is a parody of parity. You may as well cheer for your team because the GM's nice with the books. Sure, (some of) the players are still getting paid in college, but nothing in the NFL can be as surprising as the Appalachian States of the world.

If USC were Darko, LSU would be LBJ. Wait, what do I mean, "IF"?

At 9/09/2007 10:25 PM, Anonymous Cougar said...

Chad Johnson should have played basketball. His "swag is phenomenal".

At 9/09/2007 10:41 PM, Blogger Seth said...

At 2:32 PM, dan said...

Are the Bears the Spurs of the NFL? Fundamentally sound but wholly uninteresting to watch team? If so, Horry = Urlacher and Parker = Darvin Hester.

I think that the Patriots are the Spurs of the NFL. Like Duncan, Brady does all the little things so well, proponents can only define them as "leadership skills". Corry Dillon/Randy Moss fill the SJax slot. Plus they've won three more titles than the Bears.

At 9/09/2007 10:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fat shout to the eagle who dropped that punt today

At 9/09/2007 11:20 PM, Anonymous Erik said...

If being a fuckin' headcase that's 5 inches too short for his position, with hands incapable of holding a football, and the mechanics of a Pop Warner bench player all qualify you as FreeDarko, then Grossman is so fucking FD.

God, I would love to skullfuck him and then fuck his daughters.

I think Bears losses stick in my craw so much more than Bulls, just because with fewer games, each is more important.

And let me say right now that the college game ain't FD in any way, shape, or form. College careers are 4 years, hardly any time for any interesting story arcs. The kids generally stay out of trouble, they don't get much media play, and college fans are absolutely jingoistic in their allegiance. It's silly to talk about the FD ethos just based on what I've inferred, but college football is very rarely about enlightened fandom.

Alright, back to throwing darts at Grossman's picture.

At 9/10/2007 12:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Erik, what planet are you living on? We can safely rule out Miami I guess. Notre Dame QBs are media darlings even when they suck, and if the jockriding of this site isn't jingoistic, then I just don't know from banana republics or the Bush admin anymore. I dig the madness without method that the familiars of this site display for their favorites, but I can't see what makes it more enlightened than any other kind. Fandom is fandom.

At 9/10/2007 1:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tony Romo lookin' like muthafuckin' Stevie "Sportscenter" Nash.

At 9/10/2007 1:58 AM, Anonymous MODI said...

This Randy Moss shit is really pissing me off. I cannot get over that all it took was a 4th round pick for the Pats to get him. Does that mean that there were 28 other teams unwilling to part with a 3rd rounder? My Jets couldn't just do that to reunite him with his Marshall buddy Pennington... I'm very angry about this!

Still angry: I've got LT, Romo, and TO on my fantasy team and will still probably lose this week...

At 9/10/2007 8:02 AM, Anonymous Cyanide said...

I dig the madness without method that the familiars of this site display for their favorites, but I can't see what makes it more enlightened than any other kind.

Enlightened fandom isn't meant to mean some sort of superior fan support or something, but appreciation for the league as a single entity and for players as individuals, not necessarily support for teams or the role a player has within it.

I personally dig college football, but I hate seeing some of the vapid college students blindly cheer or discuss their school with no understanding or appreciation of the depth of the the game. Like all the recent Michigan lynch mobs. Their team took a huge hit on defense this year and is unable to get its offense on track in a game because of it. But all they see is that Mighty Michigan is losing games, so HEADZ MUST ROLL RARGH.

Erik: Rex is like 6'something, right? Not JaMarcus by any means, but I never thought of him as all that short, at least not on the Doug Flutie level.

And outside of my guys playing tonight, my fantasy football bench has outscored my starters (Brees putting up 3 points and Branch somehow getting nothing factor into this). Oh, fantasy, you are a cruel mistress.

At 9/10/2007 9:53 AM, Anonymous Erik said...

Anon: FD fans certainly have their favorite players, but I meant jingoistic in the sense that your location and who's crest is on your diploma usually determines your team on Saturdays. These big college teams are like nation states - Ann Arbor has what, 110,000 souls howling for the blue and maize each week?

Cyanide: Rex is listed at 6'1". That's an extremely charitable 6'1". But yeah, he ain't Doug Flutie short.

At 9/10/2007 10:02 AM, Blogger jawad said...

Agreed with Seth; The Patriots == Spurs.

I enjoy watching both teams for their efficiency, and ability to make the right off-season moves to maintain their position at the forefront of their respective leagues.

And I never understood the appeal of fantasy leagues, because [at least for me] it inhibits on my ability to "just watch the damn game". Althoguh, to each their own.

At 9/10/2007 11:06 AM, Anonymous youshoottoomuch said...

"enlightened fandom?"

i thought it was "liberated" fandom.

a couple of things:

as a lifetime colts fan, i'll agree with all spurs-patriots comparisons. rodney harrison/ty law/lawyer milloy=bruce bowen. grabbing and holding plus the occasional dirty move, ie. harrison leading with his helmet. also, i think previous to this season, the patriots were lauded as a "right way" organization.

i hope shoals got to see tomlinson throw a touchdown pass to actually make that game interesting. that and when he ran over several dudes to the endzone.

At 9/10/2007 12:57 PM, Blogger BW said...

It's hard for me to imagine that anyone on this site wouldn't enjoy the Sam McGuffie mixtape on youtube.

Absolutely incredible.

At 9/10/2007 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the other "anon". Cowboys are eerily equivalent to the Suns.
Romo - Nash
Terrell - Amare
Witten - shawn marion
Barber - raja bell

similar defense...


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