FD Guest Lecture: The Metrics of Life

Today's guest lecture comes from the esteemed Dan Hopper of the Best Week Ever blog, one of my favorite spots on all the 'nets. I have always appreciated Dan's efforts toward integrated sports-related stuff into their daily hilarity. Amidst the midseason pandemonium of consumeristic transaction flurries, Dan helps us make sense of it all.

Does anyone else get the impression that every time another NBA team makes a frantic attempt to improve its roster for a championship run, the Spurs just kind of sit there laughing? The Spurs are a pretty loose, colorful bunch that laughs at just about everything, but when it comes to teams believing they can dethrone the defending champs, they REALLY laugh kind of.

Here are some events and how they score on the Spurs Laughter Index, with 1 being complete straight-facedness and 10 being warm, audible laughter:


The Lakers acquire Pau Gasol from Memphis for Kwame Brown, Aaron McKie, and Javaris Crittenton.

Spurs Laughter Index: 4

That is... that is amusing. They now have a major inside presence. I would not want to play them in the first round. Am I right guys? That was my impression of a sportscaster.










The Suns acquire Shaquille O'Neal from Miami for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks.

Spurs Laughter Index: 4

Shaq is really going to fit in with the Suns' run and gun offense. No he is not really, that was a joke. He is big and slow and has had a lot of knee injuries. You might even say he is the opposite of what they need. Why would they get the opposite of what they need? I am pretty sure that I am finding this really funny.




The Nets agree in principle to trade Jason Kidd to the Mavericks for Devin Harris, Jerry Stackhouse, and several other players.

Spurs Laughter Index: 4.1

The revamped Mavs have finally have a veteran presence to take some of the pressure off Nowitzki, so I am going to pick them to come out of the West. No, I don’t believe the sentence I just said, that was my sportscaster impression again. Sorry I can’t help myself, this is all just too funny. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............... That was the first syllable of “HA,” the traditional sound of laughter. I was not about to say “Hhhhhhow’s about we play better fundamental playoff defense.” But that reminds me, we really do need to focus on playing more fundamental playoff defense.