5.23.2008

American Treasure

Read Dr. LIC on Stuckey. Pray for Amir. But also stop, reverse gears, and help me free my mind from the nettles of inquiry that so currently ensnare it.

I asked this in comments sections, and no one answered. So courtesy of The Sporting Blog, here's the isolated video.



Thank you. Help!

Another thing: I've caught some hell this season, mostly from Celtics fans, for insisting that Garnett's less exciting now that he's less ostensibly insane, unchained, and limitless. During these playoffs, I've come to the conclusion that, as his outbursts become more and more sporadic, and thus more weighty and causal, he actually does start seeming like a madman. Before, it was a style, a tone, a non-stop conduit for strong feelings about basketball and life. He let it all out all the time, and damn it, if that looked nuts to the world, they just didn't see like he did.

Now, when he gets bug-eyed, smacks someone or something, or uses expletives like his own kind of play-by-play, it's troubling. Something set him off, and what comes out is, in its isolation and novelty, disturbing. If you only ever paid attention to Sheed or Stephen Jackson's tempers, you might feel the same way about them. But in each of their case, there's personality all the rest of the time. Garnett's personality used to be pure intensity. Now, these moments come across as flare-ups, a negative he can't contain. It's a guy at the office flipping out one day, not the prophet just waiting for the world to catch up with his message.

UPDATE: This is the best thing in the history of the universe.

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26 Comments:

At 5/23/2008 1:54 PM, Blogger Matt said...

first of all, behind that lady, is that a huge mural of David Stern?


and second, as to Garnett, there's really no other course for the aging prophet who hitches on to another's teachings, is there? We used to admire garnett because he was an engine, basically a one-man team. Forgive the triteness, but now he's just one man on a team.

sbkeor: at Sbarro, is that Kerr, or...?

 
At 5/23/2008 2:24 PM, Blogger stopmikelupica said...

How about Bear vs. Bear? I bet on Devin Hester outrunning and dodging a hungry bear.

Those pictures of the bear doc in the intro were straight outta Grizzly Man. Seriously, what's up with bear lovers tossing up peace signs while bearhugging um, bears?!?

Fox and ESPN should just merge.

Um, Jay-Z is shouting out Margie Parilo, the Kings' representative, winner of the Kings LUCKIEST Season Ticket Holder contest. Note that LUCKIEST is capitalized in the contest. Get it? She's the LUCKIEST person there.

She and her family got to fly out to Secacus (Secacus, yo!!) for the NBA draft, and chat with Larry Bird, Jay-Z, Mike D'Antoni, Rudy Gay, Kevin Durant, Dwyane Wade, and David Stern.

Peep more info:
http://www.nba.com/kings/news/draft_lottery08.html

 
At 5/23/2008 2:24 PM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:28 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Jawaan, why did you remove that comment? And why has the video mysteriously stopped working?

SML, I know about Margie. But Jay also clearly says something about "Kaiser" and points out into the crowd. And I've got it on authority that he was clearly referring to someone standing on the other side of the camera.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:30 PM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

SML, I think the source of the confusion is Mr. Z's choice of words. He appears to be doing as you say, but the "Kaiser" thing makes it appear as though he's setting it up to be that he's talking about the lady from Sacramento, but then changed it up in the punchline, with this mysterious Kaiser. If I hadn't needed to get high to watch the lottery (how the fuck is it fair that my boys are only picking sixth? are we still reaping karma from stern throwing us the 85 lottery? fuck) I might have been able to figure it out more clearly.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:32 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Yeah SML, watch again (it's back!). He gestures toward the Kings fan, then abruptly—making some sort of oblique joke—points out into the audience instead and says "Kaiser." As Chris Mottram noted, what's really weird is that Margie laughs knowingly, like "oh yeah, that Kaiser."

 
At 5/23/2008 2:36 PM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

Shoals, do you remember if he was pointing to the audience or one of the other team reps? I could have sworn watching at the time that he was cracking on some exec/coach/player, which would explain dear Margie being hip enough to be in on the joke.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:39 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

By "audience," I just meant off-camera. I have no doubt it was someone of some repute. Not sure why Margie would get it, unless it were a Kings rep with a weird backstory. . . like he'd just gotten out of the hospital after being attacked by a snake.

And Jawaan, seems like there's there's no reason to think that the draft was this team's only shot at immediate improvement.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:47 PM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

That's very good news about Baron and Monta (well, good news for Knicks fans, but we're selfish fucks). Still trying to figure out who the hell Kaiser is, though. I thought it might be D'Antoni (Knick fan solipsism again), but the only nickname I can dig up for him was "Arsene Lupin," which is kind of esoteric and cool.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:53 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

It's entirely possible that it's "Keyser," not "Kaiser." Then it's a nickname, and indicative of vast influence and mystery. Like that movie.

 
At 5/23/2008 2:56 PM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

Yes, but Kevin Spacey wasn't repping the Clippers, so . . . ok, who the hell was there? One of those dorks on the dais was Kaiser/Keyser. THIS MUST BE SOLVED.

 
At 5/23/2008 3:16 PM, Blogger Dan said...

shot in the darl. was fratello there? kaiser-cesar-'the czar"

 
At 5/23/2008 3:25 PM, Blogger MC Welk said...

Lupe Fiasco lyric?

 
At 5/23/2008 3:30 PM, Blogger Ziller said...

Clearly, he is referring to Stern's secret nickname.

 
At 5/23/2008 3:43 PM, Blogger knowing is maxo said...

"What would happen if Antwaan Randle El was, instead of a football...holding a fresh glazed ham..." -ESPN, folks.

The first person that comes to mind when I do a quick rundown of THE NBA AS USUAL SUSPECTS, if it is Keyser, not Kaiser, is Worldwide Wes, friend of Lebron and Hov, and general behind the scenes "runner of things..."

Also, don't sleep on Stephon Marbury's ~21! Million Dollar Expiring contract as trade fuel.

 
At 5/23/2008 3:58 PM, Blogger c.j.e. said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 5/23/2008 4:41 PM, Blogger stopmikelupica said...

Dwyane Wade is Keyser Soze. Peep the limp. He's the luckiest guy there because he gets to play with Derrick Rose.

 
At 5/23/2008 7:30 PM, Blogger J.E. said...

I have no idea who "Kaiser" is, but Margie is clearly NOT in on the joke. She's laughing because that's what nervous, confused old people do when they're on live television.

And let me get this right: Randle El will run STRAIGHT at a 900-pound bear, but Dwyane Wade won't even CONSIDER how he can kick a bobcat's ass? Weaksauce, D-Wade.

 
At 5/23/2008 7:32 PM, Blogger J.E. said...

BDL commenter "Todd J" says:

surely kaiser is like the name of the king's fan's kid, and jay-z was just making the dude's day, right?

 
At 5/24/2008 12:58 AM, Blogger ra said...

(first, just found FD this week, to end the year i learned to love the NBA. great stuff.)

i think the garnett-as-insane-office-worker analogy explains why he freezes up in crucial moments. today my work day ended with me kind of fucking up but kind of doing what i was told to do, and the owners flipped out on me. just flipped, and i basically found myself not saying anything, just shaking with the predictable fight club fantasies, holding down my nothing-nice temper and then going home early and seething for what has now been 9 hours. i'm a bit of a garnett apologist, but i think garnett on the losing end of the 4th quarter is like that, like maybe he's just trying to hold himself in some semblance of check, and ends up frozen not just emotionally, but in terms of raw productivity. if nothing else, it's a new reason for me to feel garnett, another dude who wishes he could tell his oppressors to fuck off in the heat of the moment, rather than hours later in a useless rage fantasy. maybe that crunch-time impotence is fuelled by a fear of negative ramifications. like, maybe he gets 15 in the last 5 minutes, but was it worth murdering zaza pachulia?

(of course, the mcdyess nothingness makes this argument nearly untenable, but...)

 
At 5/24/2008 3:06 AM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

Yeah, but dude, who's Kaiser?

 
At 5/24/2008 3:17 AM, Blogger The Other Van Gundy said...

My money's on zombie Kaiser Wilhelm.

That's an on-point observation, ra, I've been in situations where I get so overwrought I just freeze up. You get going in so many different directions at once and the end result is you're just spinning your wheels.

Used to be I'd see KG do shit like this: http://perso.orange.fr/nba-history/images/as/garnett_360_040516.jpg

And think to myself, "man, what passion." Now I see him headbutting the stanchion and think, "Jesus, take it down a notch." I think we want our dominant players to be cold-blooded, not so easily excitable. See the Spurs, see MJ, Kobe, Tom Brady, etc. Guys like KG and AI are better cast as the upstart challengers, just dying to hoist that trophy.

Act like you've been there, or something.

 
At 5/24/2008 7:34 PM, Blogger Kaifa said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 5/24/2008 7:42 PM, Blogger Kaifa said...

With KG, might it be possible that he can be a great emotional leader, just not on a team for whom the stakes are high because the pressure increases exponentially? That the energy he gives off just isn't channeled properly by him?

I always thought (also based on a few All Star games) that Garnett would have fit perfectly next to Kobe, somebody who could have used a force like him to unite the team and fire it up. Kobe can match the intensity, but not this singular quality of Garnett. He can do though what KG can't, work best when the pressure is the highest, put that force of his to effective use.

In theory, that's probably how it could have worked in Boston, with Pierce being the guy that puts the team fueled by KG over the top (which worked in game 7 against the Cavs). As I see it, Pierce falls a little bit short of that, again leaving it in the hands of KG.

All this raging energy KG gives off just doesn't add up to the highest level of basketball productivity. So to combine the Garnett and Edward Norton trains of thought (it couldn't have been coincidence that thes two were discussed back to back):

KG is the Incredible Hulk. And not because he's dressed in green these days.

 
At 5/29/2008 8:08 PM, Blogger willhaha said...

My question is??? HOW DO YOU NOT WANT THAT GUY ON YOUR TEAM. Are you telling me you wouldn't want Stephen Jackson's temper? You are saying that if this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utV3ls34NvM
happens you wouldn't want KG's rage on your side? I dont like fights but I always love watching them.

 
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