9.29.2009

Paul Revere Was A Rapper

girl-eating-banana

Earlier today, I offered what is to date the most comprehensive, and honest, interpretation of DeShawn Stevenson's facial area tattoos. No one is anywhere near on my level. However, one important bit of information didn't make it through the editing process, perhaps because it was too dangerous. This being a free country, and this site mine and mine, I will use this space to reveal unto thee the true meaning of the two numbers five.

My bosses at SN decreed it obvious that these connected to Lincoln in that our greatest President appears on the five-dollar note. Then why two of them? That the font is identical serves doesn't make them an afterthought; had Stevenson wanted simply to ornament his Lincoln, he could've used something less cryptic or potentially fraught, like a log cabin or the Memorial. No, it's a clue, a signpost toward the life of The Man From Hope that we would be foolish to dismiss.

Scholars in the field of Great American Presidents know that 1855 was a pivotal year for Honest Abe, in which he overcame his personal troubles, rallied the Republican Party, and started himself down the road to immortality (and, as it were, premature mortality). I can only guess that Stevenson is trying to tell us something about his plans for 2009-10—it will be his 1855, or maybe that for the Wizards, who have not won a championship since sometime in the seventies.

Or, since Lincoln ruled the Republican, it could be a commentary on the Republican Party's recent spasms of joyous growth. I speak of the Tea Parties; maybe Stevenson is warning us of just how potent they are, or is himself a supporter reveling in their might. Only time knows all the answers.

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9 Comments:

At 9/29/2009 8:40 PM, Blogger Brendan K said...

The tats are all about duality, and the balanced spheres of public/private life. DeShawn now simultaneously displays his most intimate family ("Londyn") AND a logo representing a city he has no actual connection to. He's got a permanently "cracked" head, but he won't crack under pressure. Lincoln is flanked by two 5s- One each for Mary Todd and Joshua Speed! This shit's like the DaVinci code!

 
At 9/29/2009 11:34 PM, Blogger Michael said...

The 5's combine with Lincoln's face to make a 505 - it's an homage to my home state, a place that has connections to neither Stevenson nor Lincoln - which makes perfect sense!

 
At 9/30/2009 5:54 AM, Blogger Mihai Andrew said...

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At 9/30/2009 1:43 PM, Blogger Reverend Paul Revere said...

I have been known to dabble in a rap battle to two.

 
At 9/30/2009 7:46 PM, Blogger dunces said...

The harder Deshawn tries, the less I feel it.

I guess I'll have to wait until he disses LeBron again, because that shit was classic last time.

 
At 10/01/2009 7:41 PM, Blogger MC Welk said...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=jackson/091001&sportCat=nba

 
At 10/02/2009 2:35 AM, Blogger ken shen said...

http://deadspin.com/5372478/

WHAT HAPPENS NOW???

 
At 10/05/2009 12:27 PM, Blogger gordon gartrelle said...

Lincoln = $5

Thus, 555.

Maybe he considers himself to be 1/6th less evil than Lucifer. Either that or his neck has gone Hollywood.

 
At 10/08/2009 12:18 PM, Blogger Empty Net Clothing said...

Where's Etan Thomas when you need him?

 

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