Phones by Mandrills
Ok, fine. This past year led me slowly toward apathy with the KG-Minnesota situation. When the Garnett-to-Phoenix rumors popped off a month ago, I was as excited about the NBA as I have been in quite some time. I want KG to be happy. Giving up a no-trade clause to play for the Suns is a dignified way to leave Minnesota, which the fans could sympathize with. Plus, I wouldn't have to feel like I was really switching allegiances. The Suns are America's team, and I could gladly root for a KG-Nash title (same when I heard about the KG to the Golden State Warriors rumor). But the Celtics? Everyone hates the Celtics. That's about as ugly a thought as Iverson in baby blue Nuggs gear. With rumors ablaze, who even knows if a deal will go down. But the fact that KG would drop his no-trade clause to head to Boston makes me reach for the Pepto Bismol.
I don't like Boston. Maybe it's because the 2004 Red Sox partially alienated me from sports. Maybe because I lived in New York for a few years. Maybe because I have some bad memories. Maybe because I once got beat in a rap battle in Cambridge by a dude named Reks at the Middle East. I enjoy the Patriots, conceptually, and am happy to see Randy Moss there. But ever since Paul Pierce got stabbed (cf. a Billups post, and a Simmons article that I can't currently locate), something in the water changed with that Celtics team that seems to reflect my distaste for Boston more broadly. The screwface, the air of deservingness, the smug sense of tradition: THESE ATTRIBUTES ARE NOT KEVIN GARNETT.
After that Glen Taylor-quoted article about Garnett enjoying the "teacher role," I thought KG was going to die a peaceful death, spending the last of his days teaching Corey Brewer how to rebound and Rashad McCants how to walk like a man. Garnett was no dummy. He also knew that this route would alleviate the pressure of having never won a championship. He could walk tall, knowing that he never pulled a "Finley," a "Drexler" or a failed-Barkley. Choosing to go to Boston, though, means that monkey's on his back again. Teaming up with PP and RayRay means declaring war like Pace Won. And is that lineup really putting the fear of God in anybody? Tim Duncan is wearing a Speedo right now, shaking the chlorine out of his ears, laughing. Shaq? Well, this is all the motivation he needed to care about winning the Eastern Conference again. And the embarrassment if this Celtics team falters in the first round? As a KG-fan FIRST and foremost, I won't be able to bare it.
Not pushing the panic button till things are confirmed though. Will stay tuned.
Also: SHOALS' BONUS DONAGHY COVERAGE