mcdyess garnett nothingness

Now that we've reached the Final Four stage of the playoffs, we figured we should chat the first game, as uneventful as it was. If you're looking for something more substantive, check out Shoals on the Western Conference and our continuing series of playoff previews on Deadspin.

is chicago getting the #1 freedarko or not?
DLIC: sure, derrick rose going home
Recluse: i think it depends on the coach
DLIC: avery johnson. he will ruin derrick rose.
Shoals: that assistant GM is the biggest herb ever
Shoals: ultimate determinant of organizational FD-ness: who you send to the lottery
DLIC: i can't believe miami sent caron butler a few years ago. that is totally fd.
DLIC: d'antoni looked embarrassed

bilas sounds retarded calling rose "a more explosive williams"
Shoals: since deron has become explosive
Recluse: he should have said rose was a svelte williams. williams is a hoss.

Shoals: why does no one want beasley? i think this rose buzz is a little overdone
DLIC: shawn marion is going to become a celtic. i can feel it.
DLIC: nobody wants beasley because of durant and melo
beasley has some amare-like baggage
Shoals: beasley was fine in school and had that comment about letting him be a kid
Recluse: k$u hardly counts as a "school"
DLIC: durant and beasley being tight doesn't bode well
why doesn't it bode well? durant is like the ultimate character witness
DLIC: because they're gonna eat doritos in the offseason. no hard work.
Recluse: durant, beasley, and ty lawson all went to high school together. all they do is play basketball.

DLIC: kg's shot chart is disgusting. he's clearly exhausted taking all those jumpers.
Shoals: my god, garnett has become schlempf

Shoals: do they keep showing all these hulk commercials because of the celtics?
Recluse: ed norton = celtics
DLIC: ed norton is the shit. that dude picks his movies so well. check his imdb page. HIGHLY selective. like daniel day lewis. (25th hour sucked, though.)
Recluse: don't insult DDL like that. ed norton is overrated.
DLIC: the 25th hour is a disgrace to norton and spike lee's legacy
Recluse: spike lee is a disgrace to spike lee's legacy
DLIC: spike lee needs to do another biopic
Shoals: he's going to do jack molinas

DLIC: uconn produces exclusively boring players (save for khalid el amin):
donyell marshall
ray allen
rip hamilton
Recluse: okafor
Shoals: RUDY
Recluse: ben gordon

DLIC: flip saunders and doc rivers are out-uncoaching each other
DLIC: jvg seems to be criticizing doc a lot. if jvg was coaching the celtics, they would win the championship. i think he's just trying to make mark jackson look like a fool for his coacher-ly pretensions
Recluse: mark jackson's coaching philosophy = "be a hype man"
Shoals: wtf "i'm trusting you. reward my faith"
DLIC: jackson and jvg are tight. don't worry

Recluse: who would make a better coach: mark jackson or sam cassell?
DLIC: mark jackson. sam cassell coaching defense?
Shoals: hearing mark jackson talk about basketball reminds me of this book about terrorism i was reading
Shoals: about how this one radical cleric didn't know any theology and just yelled, saying some key words over and over. and it worked.
Shoals: abu hamza
Shoals: i only like players who could be terrorists
Recluse: that's the argument for cassell?
Shoals: no, it's an argument against jackson. cassell wouldn't try and teach. he pushes people around and grunts
DLIC: cassell is too arrogant
Recluse: okay, well, that's settled

Shoals: seriously, don't you feel like jvg is trying to undermine jackson's newfound seriousness? or at least play the non-straight man to the extreme?
Shoals: he's one of the best basketball minds out there, and he's making all the jokes
DLIC: jvg's sole mission is to screw over the nba with subliminals. he's getting his revenge through commentating

DLIC: the pistons could have come out so much harder (pause) and taken this series by the throat. the celtics are so vulnerable right now
Shoals: double pause
DLIC: tired. old. all the pressure is on them.
Recluse: i think you could put my five favorite players on the celtics, and i would hate them solely because of their fans

Shoals: ok, so what are the major themes of this game?
DLIC: um, two teams that would get torched by the warriors
Shoals: what do you think of the nickname "tayshaunasaurus rex"
DLIC: remember that terrible fight between mcdyess and kg?
Shoals: why was it terrible?
DLIC: the slumz one says "girlfight" which is funny
Shoals: it never really started. i liked the name of the uncut one: "mcdyess garnett nothingness"

Shoals: wait, boston is up 11?
DLIC: yes, this game is over
Shoals: how did that happen?
Recluse: the pistons are always bitches in game 1. this one's going 7.
DLIC: i dont know, detroit kept fouling. detroit could have won the series tonight
Shoals: i was thinking that, actually. like wow, if either detroit or los angeles wins their first game on the road, they've really been like "hey bitch, see what i've done, and you haven't." i mean, l.a. has home court, so it doesn't matter as much
DLIC: the loss of bynum dooms the lakers
Shoals: in the playoffs?
DLIC: yes. against the spurs
Shoals: dude, have you watched them?
DLIC: that's a hard six fouls on duncan. yes i've watched them. they haven't played anybody good. at least this series will probably expose the demise of bowen.
Recluse: TURIAF
Shoals: the spurs almost lost to the hornets
Shoals: the lakers can destroy the hornets
DLIC: nobody on the lakers can stop parker though. nobody.
DLIC: and parker won't have anyone to guard
Shoals: fisher
Recluse: fisher
DLIC: parker is the fastest player in the entire playoffs
Shoals: somehow i've gone from hating derek fisher during his first time with the lakers to thinking he's kind of a pimp.
DLIC: fisher king
Shoals: i think it had to do with realizing he'd like the same age as me. and kobe's best friend.
Shoals: people have guarded parker in the past
Recluse: fisher has HEART
Shoals: and hips. he's like a rolling stones song about racism
Recluse: if he can guard deron williams, he can guard parker
Shoals: well, i'd say, if he can stop deron, and deron can stop paul, then he can stop parker. also, i feel like parker was showing off against the hornets. or, more charitably, rising to the occasion of playing paul. like his drives were a lot more ornate. plus he had double-digit assists.

Shoals: i just had this crazy thought about what if european players only see each other when they play like in this series, parker's like "you and me, gasol"
DLIC: that is some m. night shamalyan shit

DLIC: maxiell and stuckey will win more rings that garnett

what if the pistons modeled the latest polo line? that would be a good look, right?

Shoals: i think this is the story of this game: celtics tired. billups injured.
Shoals: it's like a game of paper/scissors/rock.
Shoals: here's what i don't get: if the celtics have heart, shoudn't they see an opportunity and make a statement. instead of just sort of coasting with a ten point lead?
DLIC: you answered your own question. they don't have heart. posey has heart. pj brown. sam cassell, except he doesn't have a body.
Shoals: are they chanting "palsy?"

Shoals: rondo needs to play on a team of point guards
DLIC: the nuggets need rondo
Shoals: the nuggets are rondo
Shoals: actually, we're just saying all this because a rondo/j.r. backcourt would be. . .heaven: picture-perfect for their positions but perfectly retarded
DLIC: rondo + melo, rondo + jr, rondo + k-mart (throat slash gesture)

Shoals: why does big baby have a sticker on his face in that ad? isn't that what you get garnett for? to keep people from doing shit like that?

Shoals: this game is so weirdly muted. it's like it's being played in secret. with armed guards outside. like they're trying to sneak it past us

DLIC: wallace might be less clutch than garnett. here's what i hate about today's nba: when baron davis explodes like he did last year or when pierce goes for 40. or when nash becomes john stockton at age 50. you get the feeling like FUCK, these dudes have been holding out on us. they're playing extra safe. worrying about injuries, contracts, whatever. even if not explicitly, subconsciously they aren't playing at 100% for like four years. but the second they get a chance at a title
DLIC: it's like, ok time to play hard.
Recluse: i don't know, i think it's physically impossible to go that hard every game
DLIC: davis
sucked for like three years
Shoals: he was hurt all the time, though. and didn't get along with the coach. i just think it's that there are so many variables in basketball. anything can happen.
DLIC: i feel like duncan is the only person who hasn't held out on us. and for that reason, he reigns supreme

DLIC: is obama speaking yet?

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At 5/21/2008 1:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

what was wrong with 25th Hour?

At 5/21/2008 1:34 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

--cartoonish russian mobsters
--completely defacing DTRT's classic racist monologue scene
--the suspicious "BIG FAVOR" that norton has to ask turning out to be that he wants his friends to kick his ass so he becomes ugly and doesn't get raped
--the pointlessness of the anna paquin subplot
--the fact that this movie was supposed to have cred just by "being about post-9/11 new york."

Also, I apologize for kind of self-plagiarizing the last graph of this chat in my forthcoming deadspin column later today.

At 5/21/2008 1:48 PM, Blogger Fredrik deBoer said...

Who, pray tell, guards Duncan on the Lakers? Gasol is a disaster defensively.

...Ronny Turiaf? Are you serious?

At 5/21/2008 1:54 PM, Blogger bloodyhandedgod said...

Best blog from last night I have read so far. 'Cause the game was horrid.

Seriously my hand is changing the channels whenever I ignore it. Rip blazed in for a layup once late. Either he was otherworldly fast or it surprised everyone.

"Shoals: this game is so weirdly muted. it's like it's being played in secret. with armed guards outside. like they're trying to sneak it past us."

... yep

At 5/21/2008 2:24 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

My Turiaf comment was only in response to "hard six fouls on duncan."

At 5/21/2008 2:29 PM, Blogger Amphibian said...

I think by throwing away the podium in these edited chats, y'all unleash the true spirit of FD.

The gods bless every one of you for changing the way I think basketball and sports in general.

Except Billups. He's cut off from the holy spigot until he comes back.

At 5/21/2008 2:29 PM, Blogger goathair said...

Edward Norton was in The Italian Job. Weak.

At 5/21/2008 3:10 PM, Blogger Carter Blanchard said...

The Incredible Hulk.

At 5/21/2008 3:29 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

A lottery question: Did anyone catch the name Jay-Z threw out when they interview him, Bird, and that Kings lady, and he pointed out away from the frame and said [that guy is the luckiest person here]?

My lottery thoughts at The Sporting Blog.

At 5/21/2008 3:32 PM, Blogger stopmikelupica said...

@ Carter: The new Incredible Hulk (starring Ed Norton) hasn't come out yet. Give it a chance before you give it a thumbs down.

DLIC Mistake #1: "derrick rose returns to Chicago". If John Paxson passes on B-Easy to pick Derrick Rose, then he is not only the dumbest GM in the NBA, he's the living embodiment of whatever Isiah Thomas' reputation as a GM is. Yes, Rose is talented. But how do you pass on a 20/10 low post guy, when you been needed that since you first got to Chicago?!?

DLIC Mistake #2: Ed Norton is FD. In fact, my favorite rumor is that he agreed to get paid $1 for 25th Hour, just because he wanted to work with Spike Lee. That's FD! Well, except for the passing up $$ part....

And while I agree that he's no Daniel Day Lewis (fave rumor: DDL was so into character when he played Bill The Butcher in Gangs of NY that the entire movie crew was scared to even eat lunch with him), Ed Norton is in the upper echeleon of young actors.

DLIC Mistake #3: "Mark Jackson. Sam Cassell coaching defense?" Um, how old are you? Did you even watch Jackson during his playing career? It's often been said that Mark Jackson's defense was so tight, he taught Steve Nash everything he knows. In fact, Mark Jackson spent last offseason working with Jamal Crawford on his defense....

In other words, I think Sam Cassell is just as qualified to coach defense as Mark Jackson.

Finally: Spurs whip the Lakers in 6, unless the referees get actively involved. The Lakers can't stop Duncan. It'll take Kobe averaging 40 ppg for the Lakers to have a chance....

At 5/21/2008 3:38 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

SML--The Recluse will be relieved and a little disappointed to know he's no longer the sole target of your criticism.

In Dr. LIC's defense, I thought he was saying that Jackson could coach defense, while Cassell couldn't. But you seem to be saying that you think Cassell could, too. I'll stop before I end up in the middle of this one.

At 5/21/2008 3:38 PM, Blogger Dr. Lawyer IndianChief said...

there is some confusion. i was bigging up ed norton thoughout this whole conversation.

fine, i'm wrong on jackson, but there is no way that he was as bad as cassell on defense.

and i would pick rose over beasley any day. drop hinrich AND gordon for all i care.

At 5/21/2008 3:40 PM, Blogger Dr. Spaceman said...

Can we please talk about how Mark Jackson refuses to say anything but "cup" when referencing the hoop, bucket etc. Am I the only one annoyed with that? I feel like i'm taking crazy pills.

At 5/21/2008 3:40 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

I have no idea what's going on. I would appeal to the fact that these things always get edited and shuffled around length and coherence, but I know there's now no such thing as excuses or qualifiers, even when we're all on the other side of the sausage-making veil.

At 5/21/2008 3:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beasles won't average 10 boards in the pros. Dude is 6'9 and didn't lift weights because the gym was too cold. Ricky Williams questions his work ethic.

You don't pass up an elite 1 or 5. Rose is a transcedent talent, while Beasley would be lucky to achieve 'Sheed status.

TT and Noah will combine for 30/20 every night. The lack of low post scoring isn't the problem, it's the inability to get to the line and lack of a go-to guy.

At 5/21/2008 3:49 PM, Blogger Leonardson Saratoga said...

isn't describing someone as a "20/10 low post guy" an obscenely misleading statement?

Zach Randolph has averaged 20/10 twice in his career, and nearly did it a third time. Are the Bulls going to be happy if Beasley pans out the same as Randolph? absolutely not. Its an especially bad description of beasley when you consider that Randolph's demons (lack of work ethic) are rumors about the detriments (which are few and far between) to beasley

I'm not saying that he's going to follow the path of the Randolph, in fact i'm really warming up to Beasley, but I'm just saying there has to be much more to a number one pick than just being a "20/10 guy"

(for example, in 06-07 Duncan and Randolph both averaged 20/10, duncan on 14 shots/game, Randolph on 18. i find that to be a meaningful stat. or perhaps you prefer Duncans 3.4 assists to Randolphs 2.2, or even Duncans 2.2 blocks to Randolphs .2)

At 5/21/2008 3:53 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Agreed. Also, aren't there concerns about Beasley's size as a PF? And isn't the real appeal of him that he's got a touch of Positional Revolution to him?

At 5/21/2008 4:25 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

SML, bring your wrath back upon me! I was the one shitting on Ed Norton. I hate that guy. You never for one second believe that the character he's playing is a real person, which is what acting is all about, IMO. He's so showy, you're always aware that he's ACTING. You could say the same thing about Daniel Day-Lewis, of course, but he kicks so much ass, I don't mind.

If I were picking for the Bulls, I'd go with Rose in a second. Beasley is short for a power forward and is lazy. Rose has size, speed, quickness, athleticism, and is a natural point guard. That package doesn't come along very often.

Also, the Bulls need a point guard more than they need a power forward. Remember they traded for Drew Gooden, who while he has his faults, has averaged close to 10 boards per 40 minutes. He's also a legit low post threat. I'd much rather go to war with Gooden, Tyrus Thomas, and Rose, than Hinrich, Duhon, and Beasley. Any day!


At 5/21/2008 4:38 PM, Blogger goathair said...

The only real problem I have with Ed Norton is that his cash grabs (Italian Job, Keeping the Faith, The Score) are so atrocious that you feel bad for him actually being in the movie. That being said, I'd posit that he's a Top 5 actor of his generation.

At 5/21/2008 4:43 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

Shoals's allusion to SML and my feud reminded me of this:

"Yo, Brown: I bet you one FD T-Shirt Durant fails to average 20 ppg this season. I'm not going to say he won't ever average 25 or even 30 points, but not this year. Not even 20. Shake on it?"

20.3 ppg! Give me my shirt!

At 5/21/2008 4:48 PM, Blogger Wild Yams said...

OK first of all, if you're gonna criticize an Ed Norton movie, you gotta start with either The Italian Job or The Score. Supposedly he had to sign on w/ Paramount for those as an agreement to go do Fight Club or something, so I forgive him a bit for that. This new Hulk movie though... it's directed by the guy that did those hilariously bad Transporter movies. I'm probably still gonna see it though.

If the Pistons ever decide to show up to play in this series, they can probably win. They gave up 52% from the field last night and got murdered in the paint. That's a pretty clear indication that they mailed it in. Ray Allen's like a living, playing embodiment of those Celtic fans who used to dress up in bedsheets for the games.

If the Lakers are just looking for guys who can deliver hard fouls on Duncan, in addition to Turiaf they can always throw Mbenga (or even Mihm) out there. Gasol's pretty lackluster on D but his height and length might bother Duncan a bit unless Duncan just takes him to the cup (to quote Mark Jackson) every time. Fisher is not going to be able to guard Parker just cause he did a decent job on Deron. Deron is used to outmuscling PGs, Parker blows by them. Fisher is strong, but he's not fast. Odom & Gasol better form a wall in the paint for when Parker gets in there, otherwise Le Floppé will torch LA. Of course, on the other hand, I don't know who on the Spurs is gonna guard Odom, and I have serious doubts that Bowen can still stay with Kobe judging by how poorly he's performed in these playoffs (he only got 21 mpg against the Suns and got eaten alive by CP3).

I think the main factor is whether the Spurs can disrupt LA's offense though. LA is playing about as precise and methodical an offense as I've ever seen, but if the Spurs can do their usual monkey wrench routine and mess that all up then LA is dead. If they can't stop the Lakers from running their triangle, then I don't think the Spurs can score enough to keep up. After all, the Lakers have anywhere from 6-8 guys who can legitimately score and go for 15 or more points. San Antonio only has 3 guys that you can count on to get in double figures, with maybe one other guy getting you 10 if you're lucky. The Spurs have to stop a lot more players than the Lakers do to win this series.

At 5/21/2008 4:57 PM, Blogger holopawer said...

norton is TERRIBLE. next you're gonna tell me american history x was a great film. he wore that character all over his face, mugging it up. he's lucky he had furlong, that dude from my name is earl and griswald's wife to share the screen with. narrative side note...i've never seen a neo-nazi dunk.

At 5/21/2008 5:05 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

The Recluse sent me an email demanding I settle this, which I didn't know I could, but whatever. Here's what I sent him back, and which he subsequently demanded I post:

Well, he was in Death to Smoochy. But on the whole, I don't think it's that clear one way or the other. Not that I'm torn, more that, yeah, there's some one way, some the other. Like Devin Harris or something.

In case you're confused, I had a Death to Smoochy post on my bedroom door for two years.

At 5/21/2008 5:19 PM, Blogger MisusedConfusedStrungOutAndWorse said...

Death to Smoochy is the most underrated movie in the history of everything.

Buggy Double D's, the dong man.

At 5/21/2008 5:26 PM, Blogger Fredrik deBoer said...

Didn't mean to say that you meant something different, Brown Recluse, just reacting to that idea getting thrown around out there in media land.

At 5/21/2008 6:02 PM, Blogger rebar said...

"he's like a rolling stones song about racism"

rose > beasley. biggest problem with rose is that he doesn't have pro level stamina right now, but he's obviously willing to work his ass off.

being lazy is really really bad in basketball players. see coleman, derrick... rider, isaiah... marbury, stephon... etc. to me you can replace beasley's production with more assists, and the handchecking rules favor guards as franchise cornerstones.

i hope the bulls get bill walker in the second round. that would be bootiful.

the dfish on dwill argument was essentially that dwill can guard paul BECAUSE he's big. dfish is big and strong too, so he can guard antonia.

At 5/21/2008 6:07 PM, Blogger Carter Blanchard said...

It's a cock! Agreed on Death to Smoochie being woefully underrated.

The Score is just bizarre in that, how do you get Brando, Deniro, and Norton, arguably the three best actors of their respective generations, to do a mediocre movie? Like they must have told each of them that they already had the other two lined up before any of them actually signed on.

At 5/21/2008 6:40 PM, Blogger Sean C. said...

Yeah, there's no reason why the Bulls should pass on Rose. Beasley will probably be an All-Star at some point, but does anyone really think he'll be dominate? He's certainly interesting from a FD perspective, but I don't think he's someone who can lead a team to a championship.

Besides, D-Rose gives Chicago flexibilty; they can move Hinrich and another player to a team that needs a decent PG in return for a decent PF/C. I read somewhere that Marcus Camby is a possibility, though I don't know how valid those rumors are.

This has been said about a hundred billion times already, but D'Antoni must be pissed; imagine him coaching a Rose-led squad with Deng, Gordon, Noah, Thomas, etc. We were robbed, folks! Robbed!

At 5/21/2008 7:19 PM, Blogger Ty Keenan said...

I'm pretty sure that Bill Walker will be the steal of this year's draft.

Edward Norton was my favorite actor in the world when I was 16. BRE is right about the fact that he's always clearly acting, but he makes that work fairly often. Not as often as DDL, of course, but often nonetheless.

Keeping the Faith is a smart movie that has way too many lame attempts at humor. I feel pretty strongly about this.

At 5/21/2008 7:23 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Ty--So many people seems to feel that way about Walker that I don't see him getting past the late teens.

At 5/21/2008 7:27 PM, Blogger Krolik1157 said...

"Only enormously talented people could have made "Death to Smoochy." Those with lesser gifts would have lacked the nerve to make a film so bad, so miscalculated, so lacking any connection with any possible audience. To make a film this awful, you have to have enormous ambition and confidence, and dream big dreams."

-Roger Ebert. That, right there, is a review of an FD movie. Also, put me down as Pro-Norton, if only because he was the only actor able to pull off the "Woody Allen would clearly be playing this part if he wasn't old" part in a Woody Allen movie successfully.

Rose is better than Beasley. What all of us should be thinking about is Rose/Wade/Wright/Marion. Holy Shit. And I am now pulling for a Det/SA finals. I am officially dead inside.

At 5/21/2008 7:31 PM, Blogger morgenstern said...

I so agree with the recluse, Norton overacts everything. Used to be amazed by that, now i kinda cringe when i see him. He's like a younger DeNiro of today, who's been mailing it in since forever now.

And don't get me started about DeNiro, my god how much do he and that other bastard mugged and talked in heat the movie, and i really wanted it to be good, my childhood dreams got crushed there, and i hated the miami heat ever since, just because.

But back on Norton, basketball scene from american history x is the easily the worst ever, don't know if that makes it more FD though.

At 5/21/2008 7:34 PM, Blogger Fredrik deBoer said...

Beasley is a better prospect than either Greg Oden or Kevin Durant. Write it down.

At 5/21/2008 7:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it would be more wise to draft Rose and slide Kirk to off-guard, rather than move him. He has a reasonable contract that declines in future years, whereas Gordon is RFA. I say sign-and-trade Gordon instead or just let him walk. Gordon was the only player who wanted to take shots, but that problem should be fixed with Rose getting everyone good looks.

Utah last year pulled off playing DWill and Fisher, but Fisher struggled guarding 2's. Hinrich is a capable defender (Wade-Stopper) and Rose would provide athleticism. Luol should replace BG's shots anyway, if he ever lives up to his potential.

At 5/21/2008 8:36 PM, Blogger Ty Keenan said...

Shoals, the only reason I'm willing to call Walker a steal/sleeper is that he's in the late 20s or second round in so many mock drafts. If he jumps into the teens then he won't be a steal any more. Any GM who takes Chase Budinger ahead of him should be fired immediately.

Plus, I don't know why a team wouldn't want a guy who pees in towels and eats popcorn on the bench.

At 5/21/2008 9:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

is it possible that Norton can actually dunk? I feel like that is the only explanation for people agreeing to film that neo-nazi reverse slam scene. There's no way the director was like, "okay, lower the hoop to nine feet, we're gonna end this scene with Eddie throwing down a breakaway reverse jam," and no one on set was like, "is that really believable?"

Basically, if Norton agreed that this was a good idea and he can't really dunk (which seems very likely to be the case), then any and all praise of his acting prowess or role choices is rendered null and void, because that is one of the most retarded things I have ever seen in an otherwise incredibly earnest and sappy movie.

At 5/21/2008 9:26 PM, Blogger The Other Van Gundy said...

Yeah, there is no chance Ed Norton can dunk. He could maybe play some passable midfield in a YMCA indoor 4on4 soccer league, but no way Smoochy lives above the rim.

And since I haven't seen American History X in awhile, I fired up the basketball clip on youtube - holy shit that is the lamest hoops scene. No idea why they went with the dunk to cap off that scene. Awful.

At 5/21/2008 9:46 PM, Blogger stopmikelupica said...

My favorite is still everyone dunking on the 9-foot rims in Above The Rim, culminating in the highly probable scene where Leon's brother dunks himself right off a rooftop. Which is why, kids, you should never put a basketball court on a rooftop.

Shoals's allusion to SML and my feud reminded me of this:

"Yo, Brown: I bet you one FD T-Shirt Durant fails to average 20 ppg this season. I'm not going to say he won't ever average 25 or even 30 points, but not this year. Not even 20. Shake on it?"

20.3 ppg! Give me my shirt!

Yes, you have earned a T-shirt, Recluse. Or a beer. Congrats. I still feel okay about my statement. KD needed that 42 point game at the end of the season to make that average... damn GS defense.

At 5/21/2008 11:21 PM, Blogger ryan dunbar said...

ed norton wooing rosario dawson with heroic tales of his all city PG play continues to be a tough pill to swallow

At 5/22/2008 12:46 AM, Blogger Carter Blanchard said...

Pop might be the only coach I've ever heard talk basketball in a huddle. I think he'd be the only coach in the League who's halftime speech wouldn't make me giggle.

At 5/22/2008 12:54 AM, Blogger goathair said...

Walker might be the missing link between Mike James and Corliss Williamson.

At 5/22/2008 1:25 AM, Blogger knowing is maxo said...

The thing about this year's draft that really confounds me is that Chris Douglas-Roberts is projected as being a late 1st rd early second round pick.

I can't see why, if Mayo and Bayless are both off the board at 6. Maybe that's a reach but he's a 6'7" rangy scorer that plays tough defense. What's not to like?

At 5/22/2008 2:34 AM, Blogger Joey said...

@maxo--I'm riding with you:


wv: hwusynim--my 9th-grade trig teacher.

At 5/22/2008 2:58 AM, Blogger Seth said...

I know its a bit of a sin to recommend listening to a Bill Simmons podcast, but check out his new interview with Chuck Klosterman for some serious FD. Klosterman describes an approach to fandom that sounds like hes paraphrasing this site, and Simmons responds by questioning how he became a "sports atheist".

At 5/22/2008 5:32 AM, Blogger T. said...

I don't want to derail a discussion about Ed Norton (I say his performance in Fight Club cancels out all the bad stuff he's ever done) and Beasley/Rose (any comparison to Derrick Coleman is a bad bad thing) but

basketball scene from American History X is the easily the worst ever, do not know if that makes it more FD though.

While American History X had a god god god awful basketball scene, nothing, and I mean nothing, is worse than seeing Leo Dicaprio and Mark Wahlberg play basketball in the Basketball Diaries. I'm convinced the hoops shooting scene is in the Italian Job so Wahlberg can convince people "see, I'm not really THAT bad a basketball player"

Peep this awful mess:


At 5/22/2008 8:44 AM, Blogger Joey said...

@Seth--it's funny that you're recommending the podcast. I was just about to go the other way and recommend that everyone read Simmons' "ramblings" column for a good chuckle. Not with him, but at him. It's even better if you picture Larry King saying all of those dumb, cheesy, lame things.

wv:wsvaf--The phonetic transcription of Dirk Nowitzki popping his jersey and rhetorically wondering "What's what?!"

At 5/22/2008 8:48 AM, Blogger morgenstern said...

Aw T., you're right, i didn't remember that one. I still think it's a close call, nazi norton dunk vs leo's moves.

And also that movie in which Kevin Bacon with a bum knee schools an african prospect and dunks hard on the guy, that may be even better.

At 5/22/2008 8:51 AM, Blogger Dan said...

i dont know if its the mood im in, but this entire post and comments section has me laughing out loud

At 5/22/2008 10:45 AM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

@SML: After re-reading all your comments about Durant, I will concede that you were basically right (that he'd average 18 or 19 ppg and no more than 5 rpg), just a little under on the points. I still think he's going to be all-NBA in a couple years.

@maxo: CDR is 6'4 or 6'5, definitely not 6'7. He and Mayo are going to battle for the mantle of "next Larry Hughes." I predict Mayo being slightly better (stronger, more determined) and CDR slightly worse (not as talented).

Thanks to everyone who agrees with me about Edward Norton.

At 5/22/2008 11:02 AM, Blogger salt_bagel said...

Re: Beasley: What's with all this 6'10" crap? It is plain easy to see that he's not that tall, but everyone quotes it anyway. If Barkley had a say in this, I suspect it's the first thing he'd mention. Still, he's twice as good as Randolph was at this point. His quick hop saves him from the height difference. It reminds a little of Larry Johnson, how he grabs a ball and he's dunking before other guys can react.

Re: Rose: As a Bulls fan, I don't know whether to believe the hype. Something tells me he's going to be real good, but the Kidd comparisons are hogwash. Only Magic, and occasionally Bird, could match his passing ability. But, the way the rules are, I find myself leaning towards him. I think they could succeed with him and the frontcourt they have. Noah is underrated, Bball IQ-wise. Thomas might not get much better, but a penetrating guard would make him better. You gotta have a solid plan with Hinrich and Gordon if you get him, though.

Re: Bill Walker: Is he permanently broken, or did he just take a big back seat to Beas? He has a red flag in my book.

Re: Mayo: Everyone dumps on him, but he's clear cut #3 to me. For all the grandstanding, he has a leadership mentality, a smooth pro-range J, and serious handle. He reminds me of a Marbury who enjoys passing more.

Re: Gallinari: He will be the real deal in a few years, and will sting anyone who passes on him for Jerryd Bayless. He might get media panic attacks in NYC, though.

At 5/22/2008 11:39 AM, Blogger morgenstern said...

Since i feel somehow guilty for posting too many comments on ed norton i'll add my 2 cents on Gallinari: he's been really good this season in italy, leading his team, being the go to guy. For what it's worth Bargnani was never like that before being drafted, showed potential ok, but he didn't carry his team.

I still don't know for sure about Gallinari though, he's 6'8" i think, not too fast, not too strong, not explosive, average handle, above average shot, ok defender. But he can play, he always finds a way to get things done.

If he somehow finds a way to hang around and adapt he'll have a breakthrough season in a few year a la Turkoglu, with people going wtf is that guy again? But if nba sf keep blowing by him regulary he'll be out of the league in a couple of years, he has basically little value as a role player on the bench.

At 5/22/2008 11:55 AM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

I'm no college basketball purist, but it does rub me the wrong way that Bill Walker can play an entire college season out of shape, but when the draft rolls around, he's in the gym all day and sheds 20 pounds. I know he was recovering from a major injury, but still.....that'd be a major red flag for me. His ceiling is probably Jason Richardson, who is not a bad player, but no All-Star.

At 5/22/2008 12:11 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Me and Ty's emails on Walker=The 2008 Draft's Basement tapes.

Fuck the playoffs, I am so moving onto the draft, which rules and is magical.

Also, new Quotemonger.

At 5/22/2008 1:15 PM, Blogger Matt said...

As long as we're talking about basketball scenes on film, can we nominate the best one? My vote's for the shot of Tom Selleck's dunk in the opening montage of Magnum, P.I..

At 5/22/2008 8:50 PM, Blogger Ty Keenan said...

A few things on Walker:
1) I think people need to remember that he reclassified to 06 from 07 when Mayo left North College Hill for Huntington. Make him a college freshman and everyone's freaking out about him. He was #4 in the 07 class during the summer of 05.
2) I don't think we have any idea what he can really do. His freshman year was an odd one because of the reclassification weirdness and the ACL injury, and this last year he was behind a superior player who happened to play a similar position (granted, they had no one else on the team, so he still got a good amount of reps).
3) ACL injuries are obviously not as big as they used to be, but it still takes time to come back, and he tore his during the winter of 07.
4) I don't see any reason why he wouldn't have torn up the Big 12 next year if he'd stayed in school. That would have turned him into a sure Top 10 pick.

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