FreeDrafto #4675: Inner Dialogues

What follows is an abridged version of a conversation that occurred during the draft. You might also be interested in the fruits of Shoals's Deadspin efforts. More important than any of this, though, and possibly changing its entire complexion after the fact: MAYO&CONLEY&RUDY&WARRICK&ARTHUR=THE NEW HAWKS. There was that dream we were after.

Billups: That's some real type-a personality shit Paxson is rocking there. Making sure he's at the head of the table to carve the turkey and shit.
Billups: Heads are siphoning gas for a living; nobody gives a fuck about Stern's digital media initiative.
Billups: I saw Van Gundy today, btw. On 8th ave. My man said the Knicks missed him and he gave a black power salute.

Krolik: I get a Marvin Williams vibe off Derrick Rose
Brown Recluse, Esq.: Like, humble dude, talented, but overrated?
Billups: Or sleeper cell type dude who will activate in his third year?
Krolik: Not a lot of production, but upside and character
Recluse: CDR=Rashad McCants in that analogy

Billups: What do you guys think of Bilas saying B. Lopez is third best on the board?
Krolik: Lopez is terrible. He doesn't shoot short shots or mid-range shots, he's created his own hybrid post/mid-range shot. And his brother is much cooler.
Billups: How is his brother cooler!?
Ty Keenan: Robin's post game is the greatest thing in the world, if you like funny things.

Krolik: Shh...SAS is interviewing Rose
Recluse: I'm getting weird Marbury vibes from this interview....NOT A GOOD SIGN
Krolik: Here's Doris Burke...WITH YA MOM.
Billups: Doris has the Percocet slur. I'm with it.
Recluse: I'm worried the famed Rose quietness is really blankness. Not a good look for a point guard.

Billups: Doris embedded with YA MOMS.
Krolik: I could listen to Stephen A. say "With YA MOM" all day long
Ty Keenan: I hope Beasley autographs Stephen A.'s face



Krolik: Rashad and O.J. would make my year
Billups: Come on McHale. Trade the pick to Ainge for Scalabrine and tickets to Ice-T and Body Count reunion show at the Middle East.
Carter Blanchard: I like that he opted for glasses to look serious.
Billups: That's fucked up. Sad boy por vida.
Carter Blanchard: People with glasses can't be scandalous.
Billups: That beard makes him look like present-day George Gerivn.
Ty Keenan: He's just reinforcing the fact that he's older than everyone else in his class.
Billups: OJ Mayo is in a Power Station tribute band. TWolves in 09.
Carter Blanchard: OJ makes such a conscious effort to use "sir" whenever possible
Recluse: Somewhere P. Diddy is beaming

[The Sonics draft Westbrook]

Ty Keenan: MONRR strikes
Billups: ROB SWIFT WILL DIE ANOTHER DAY
Ty Keenan: He's a good defender and dunks on people
Ty Keenan: This is basically the equivalent of what I thought the Jeff Green pick would be

[Something about Love being related to the Beach Boys]
Billups: Which practically makes him Stamos' brother-in-law, right?

Billups: It's gonna go Apocalyptico if they draft Danilo or Brook. Danilo is gonna be on the run like jaguar paw.
Recluse: When Stern paused, you knew it was on
Ty Keenan: Stern's pause was like the turn in a Petrarchan sonnet
Billups: White knicks fans hate white people
Recluse: That dunk attempt they just showed was so pathetic
Billups: I love how dudes who cover european ball act like they're like the only people to have seen the ocean before.
Billups: HAVE YOU SEEN HIM? WELL THEN YOU CAN'T REALLY TELL ME HE'S NOT GOING TO BE BETTER THAN CHUCK PERSON IN HIS PRIME.
Ty Keenan: This is why I think that all Euro experts need to tell us who they described in the same way

[SAS interviews Danilo Galinari]

Carter Blanchard: Is he shouting more because of the booing or because he thinks foreigners only understand retard-speak?

[Clippers draft Eric Gordon]

Ty Keenan: My dad just came in and said "fatty"
Krolik: Eric Gordon is Julian Wright's bowling ball

Carter Blanchard: Can we talk about the Yi thing a little? I think that's what's been messing with my equilibrium. Is LeBron a Net already?
Ty Keenan: It's a shame they're moving out of Jersey -- he'd be at home with the pollution
Krolik: I would also watch Yi and Jay-Z's reality show
Recluse: What reality show would you not watch, Krolik?
Carter Blanchard: I wouldn't watch a Donnie Walsh show
Recluse: I WOULD



Billups: Jay bilas has a secret Brook Lopez blog

[Dorris Burke interviews Robin Lopez]

Billups: THAT DUDE HAS MAD WEEN BOOTLEGS

[SAS interviews Brook Lopez]

Recluse: Is that really how people in California talk?
Krolik: No
Krolik: Sometimes
Billups: Vince Carter is the loneliest boy in New Jersey
Ty Keenan: Yi has to be psyched though -- I think Brook likes Shrek, too

[Pacers draft Jerryd Bayless]

Krolik: T.J. Ford will always have a better guard behind him, it's his destiny
Billups: Too bad he can't turn his head to see him coming up behind him
Billups: I'm going to hell
Ty Keenan: I'm pretty excited that Indiana drafted a light-skinned black guy
Ty Keenan: In keeping with their new organizational philosophy
Billups: It's an homage to draftin Reggie Miller at the 11th pick 28 years ago

[Blazers draft Brandon Rush]

Billups: What if Kareem ran up on stage and mimed a fadeaway shot just to undermine the kid?

Krolik: Nellie is on the clock. Ajinca/McGee watch is at orange

[Warriors draft Anthony Randolph]

Recluse: They have Anthony Randolph AND Brandan Wright?
Recluse: I hope they play those two together as their forwards
Krolik: Randolph will run point

Recluse: “Considerable linear extension in space”?
Billups: Jay Bilas is reading mad graphic novels

[The Suns draft Robin Lopez.]

Billups: HOW'S MY ASS TASTE, BROOK!?
Ty Keenan: He looks like Cecil Cooper with that hat on
Billups: His mom is Penny Marshall
Ty Keenan: This is okay though, because Robin really likes Kazaam

[Sixers draft Marreese Speights]

Billups: This kid and Thaddeus are going to bring peace to the universe.

[Pacers trade Bayless and Diogu to the Blazers for Rush, Jarrett Jack and Josh McRoberts]

Ty Keenan: It's like stern told indiana that they had to be boring as a negative example for the rest of the league

Carter Blanchard: Has everyone accepted that JO is washed up? am i the only one who's MONJOing Jermaine?
Krolik: I like him with Bosh, but I think his days of being a go-to post scorer are over
Billups: Yeah, he could have a real Val Kilmer-esque revival as a supporting actor.
Krolik: The age of the 7-foot post-up power forward is closing
Billups: Maybe Val Kilmer isn''t a good example



[Wizards draft Javale McGee, who is not in the building]

Recluse: No shit Javale's not there, I've never even heard of him
Billups: Darrell Arthur is welling up right now
Billups: JaVale is at the Kino parlor at the Sands in Reno
Recluse: OH SHIT! i remember that guy! that highlight brought it all back
Recluse: yeah, he was decent. weird.
Krolik: DraftExpress called him "maybe the worst defender we have ever scouted"

Krolik: here come the Cavs! CDR please

[Cavs pass on CDR and take J.J. Hickson.]

Recluse: NC State was so fucked up last year, you can't really tell anything from their season, but Hickson's good. Playing on a good team with a superstar will be good for him.

[Bobcats on the clock.]

Billups: Jordan takes CDR right?

[Bayless is interviewed about the trade and looks totally depressed]

Recluse: Why isn't bayless happy? the blazers are like 10X better than the Pacers, and Portland the city is like 1000X cooler than Indianapolis
Carter Blanchard: I think he's just kind of boring. Not necessarily upset
Billups: That would be awesome if after the camera cut away Katz turned to him and said, "You know you're upset you bitch"
Recluse: Katz actually told him, "Dude, they have unionized strippers in Portland, it's awesome."

Krolik: I'm rooting for Love to get some serious ink work before his rookie contract is up
Billups: Fernando Torres, from the Spanish soccer team, has his own name tattooed on his arm...
Billups: in Elvish
Billups: I'm hoping that's a trend that jumps the pond and catches on here

Billups: Darrell Arthur isn't gonna get drafted and he's gonna have to move back to One Tree Hill and work at his dad's garage

[Utah drafts Kosta Koufos]

Billups: Him and Mehmet are going to unionize the strippers in Salt Lake
Ty Keenan: Isn't that going to create some kind of greece/turkey rivalry?
Recluse: "don't ever talk about cyprus"

Billups: Doris Burke sounds like she's the Lopez sister.

Billups: This is kinda fucked up for them to be talking about a man's kidney in front of a bunch of white knicks fans who hate white people
Recluse: Wasn't this an episode of Diff'rent Strokes?

[Boston drafts J.R. Giddens]

Recluse: Wow, I forgot he existed. He was good at Kansas before he got in a bar fight and had to transfer
Ty Keenan: i could definitely see a masshole challenging him to a barfight
Recluse: The next ex-Kansas swingman to get stabbed in Boston?

Krolik: Larry Brown getting booed via satellite!
Recluse: Larry brown hates the draft
Krolik: Not as much as Chris Douglas-Roberts does



[Clippers take Deandre Jordan at #35]
Recluse: So much for MONAB

Krolik: Mbah a Moute over CDR?
Recluse: Let's just say that for every player now

Krolik: Sonny Weems?
Krolik: Good name right there
Recluse: Seriously, did CDR fuck someone's wife?
Ty Keenan: Stern's

[New Jersey finally drafts CDR]

Krolik: it's over
Krolik: really one of the most bizarre draft occurrences I've seen
Recluse: he's going to be huge in China
Krolik: now it's time for Walker watch

[Wizards draft Bill Walker at #47]

Ty Keenan: He found a wonderful home
Krolik: Him and DeShawn are similar
Krolik: Except Walker is awesome instead of evil
Recluse: More like big brother/little brother

[Warriors draft Richard Hendrix]

Krolik: Nellie with more 4s to bench so as to assert his power

Ty Keenan: pretty much everyone after pick 20 has blended together for me

[Wizards trade Bill Walker to the Celtics]

Ty Keenan: Between him, Powe, and House i'm probably going to have to start telling people that I like the Celtics bench

Krolik: Okay, last pick.
Krolik: Pick Davon Jefferson!
Krolik: It's a heartwarming story--"Athlete given every possible chance, given one more"
Krolik: Making it to the NBA without the benefit of enjoying conditioning or schoolwork
Krolik: I would watch Davon and Gerald Green's reality show.