8.19.2008

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.19.08
























Don't neglect Joey's banner of belonging!

-Ta-Nehisi Coates has been doing excellent work since he took over from our dude Matthew Yglesias over at The Atlantic.com. Yesterday, he posted his (intentionally lame?) list of candidates to be spokesperson for the white race--a sort of counterpart to Al Sharpton--featuring such luminaries as Tamir Goodman, Leona Helmsley, and Princess Leia. Were there to be an actual spokesperson for the white race, I would nominate Bob Costas, who in his role as staunch defender of the purity of sports, kinda already is. (BR)

-The new Game album has jokes: "Black war mafia, new millenium Genovese/ Got a million dollars says LeBron don't win a ring." (Dr. LIC)

-I really, really hope we've mentioned The Black Fives Blog before, because it's one of the better basketball-related sites in existence and always a great read. But if not, here's Claude Johnson pointing out correcting some of the history and questioning the premise of a piece I wrote for Spin about basketball, the Olympics, and music. In all fairness to myself, I don't think my thing was entirely serious, but Claude's post is, and helps the whole "basketball is not jazz" cause that I sort of betrayed with my article. (BS)

-My TSB colleague Large gets a giant FD gold star for including a Richard Thompson video in this post. That song reliably makes me tear up all the time, and always has. But my question: Would it be irredeemably un-PC to nickname the sprinter Richard "Black Lightning" Thompson? The colonial twist notwithstanding. . . (BS)

-So a few weeks back, Ben Golliver and I engaged in a long discussion about the relationship between blogging and New Journalism. I was skeptical and said the same shit I always do. He had a vision. Now, Ben's brought it to fruitition, and I feel like a moron for having ever doubted him. This is some calling card shit right here. (BS)



















-John Lewis to McCain: KEEP MY NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH. SIlverbird and I joked that Lewis is so obscure to right-wingers (something McCain didn't exactly help with his ultra-obscure account of Lewis's legacy, which seemed to involve a bridge and honor), this could lead to a major spike in Modern Jazz Quartet sales. (BS)

-Mutoni sent along this pic:



Quoth Marcel: "After seeing this, I'm even more convinced now that LBJ thinks of himself as everyone's dad, regardless of age." (BS)

-Feast your eyes upon the buffet of feeling that is Nick Anderson's (latest?) wedding. (BS)
















-I've become enthralled with this Maurice Jones-Drew Madden commercial...



...because until he cracks the joke about being on the cover, I seriously thought this was one of those "Joe Average plays Madden" spots like this one. I cannot get over how FREAKING SHORT HIS ARMS ARE. This all got me thinking, Maurice Jones-Drew would be the worst basketball player ever. And then I thought to ask you all, what other REALLY GOOD other sport athletes would make the worst basketball players? (Dr. LIC)

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36 Comments:

At 8/19/2008 3:04 PM, Blogger MC Welk said...

They call him Snake.

 
At 8/19/2008 4:02 PM, Blogger avery said...

Federer. I can see Rafa being the slasher to the basket-type, but Fed only shooting threes that don't go in.

 
At 8/19/2008 4:07 PM, Blogger jawaan oldham said...

NFL o&d-linemen could introduce the "power guard" position. 6-3, 300 lb guards: FD or the farthest thing from?

 
At 8/19/2008 4:54 PM, Blogger Sweat of Ewing said...

How is that not just Eric Gordon.

 
At 8/19/2008 4:58 PM, Blogger jim said...

Michael Phelps would be terrible. Sure he's long in the arms, but stubby little sea legs would probably make him all gangly and uncoordinated on a court.

 
At 8/19/2008 5:03 PM, Blogger Ty Keenan said...

The standard baseball body is essentially Jared Jordan: 5-11, short arms, white.

 
At 8/19/2008 5:31 PM, Blogger knowing is maxo said...

michael phelps would dunk on the world, block shots like no tomorrow, and with that crazy wingspan have a shot at being the white josh smith with the singleminded focus of Jordan.

both swimming sprints and leaping take the same type of muscle, and phelps has it in spades.

simply put: shark in the water = shark on the court

 
At 8/19/2008 5:35 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Phelps couldn't run the floor for shit.

 
At 8/19/2008 6:21 PM, Blogger El Presidente said...

Paul Hamm can't shoot!
Phelps has hands like Erica Dampier, stone-cold!
Tyson Gay ain't got a handle to save his life!

 
At 8/19/2008 6:41 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

I feel like there is something of the collegiatre experieence, that LeBron, Kobe, (and Dwight) missed out on, being relived in these Olympics. Hence the fanatical cheering for Phelps. The photo of Bron fixing KB's tie just reinforces that idea symbolically.
I ususally disagree with marcel on SLAMonline, but that "everybody's dad" line made me laugh as hard as I ever has on here.

PS: Argentina v Nigeria in the Olympic soccer final is extremely FD. Should be a great match, ARG has legitimate star power and Nigeria has crazy skills, athleticism, and unreal pace. Midnight this Friday on the OLY soccer channel (MSNBC)
Whew - I got myself all worked up.

 
At 8/19/2008 6:43 PM, Blogger Christopher said...

I'm already tired of Phelps. He better bank on this while everyone still pretends to care about swimming.

 
At 8/19/2008 7:44 PM, Blogger T. said...

Collegiate and pick-up experience: water polo players (tall and long arms and insane athletes) and offensive lineman (really nimble and HUGE) are quite good at basketball.

speedy receivers with bad hands? not so much.

 
At 8/19/2008 8:00 PM, Blogger Anthony Wilson said...

Is Game just trying to provoke Jay-Z through Bronzino?

 
At 8/19/2008 9:45 PM, Blogger Andrew said...

Tim Lincecum. The body of an 8th grader generating scads of strikeouts.

 
At 8/19/2008 10:02 PM, Blogger The Other Van Gundy said...

I've discovered that lacrosse players are pretty mediocre at hoops. They're all about 6 foot flat, strong but not particularly bulky, quick but not terribly fast. Just a series of average 2 guards.

Baseball players can be good - you ought to see the outlet passes these dudes throw, but most of them are too short. Short stops are your best bets.

Football players and hockey players can be an asset so long as they are on your team, since they brutalize other players and have no real conception about what's legal defense. Dudes like to rebound and scrap, too.

 
At 8/19/2008 10:08 PM, Blogger The Other Van Gundy said...

Something else I've wondered about: who is the best baller among the FD team? I'm going to guess it's one of the lesser known guys who used to be around in the early days, like Shoefly or something like that.

And to go with that: any really good players amongst us commenters? My team took second place in intramural last season, but that's about it.

 
At 8/19/2008 11:28 PM, Blogger T. said...

I can't believe I forgot about this since I was talking about this while watching the Olympics. My old boss was a gymnast for Stanford. Specialty: Rings.

Not that tall (about 5'10") and not that great a basketball player skills wise. But I've seen him play in games against guys who were recently retired Asian pro players - and he gets EVERY SINGLE REBOUND.

Huge shoulders, super strong, jumps out of the building. Plus, balance and agility.

Only could score on fast breaks and putbacks.

 
At 8/19/2008 11:46 PM, Blogger stopmikelupica said...

It probably goes without saying, but volleyball players are usually ex-basketball players who got injured one too many times or something (i.e. asthma, or too lazy to play defense). They are pretty interchangeable. Most indoor vball players are 6'3 to 6'8.

 
At 8/19/2008 11:47 PM, Blogger Tom said...

Are Tiger Woods and Peyton Manning too obvious? I'll go with them.

 
At 8/20/2008 12:33 AM, Blogger R. Lobstah said...

Ping-Pong players might be fine half-court but full, not so much,

 
At 8/20/2008 12:53 AM, Blogger The Electric Zarko said...

Sort of impressed that Steve Nash hasn't come up yet, considering how much his crossover with soccer comes up. Now, soccer players aren't going to automatically have much going for them other than phenomenal stamina and probably good line-to-line speed; however, Nash is a pretty good argument for the cross-sports attribute of Vision, especially when you're moving from one free-flowing context to another (as opposed to something more static like American Football).

 
At 8/20/2008 12:55 AM, Blogger Dan Filowitz said...

Brett Favre would probably play in jean shorts and double dribble constantly. Any time he shot it, it would wildly brick off the backboard.

 
At 8/20/2008 1:06 AM, Blogger goathair said...

I can't imagine Usain Bolt having any sort of basketball skill. That guy was made to run and run and run. Nothing else.

 
At 8/20/2008 5:44 AM, Blogger T. said...

Any sport where the main requirement is strength (weightlifting, discus, shot put) is bound to be pretty poor at hoops.

 
At 8/20/2008 8:53 AM, Blogger Sweat of Ewing said...

I've got a friend that wrestled collegiately (not heavyweight), and he's a damn good ballplayer. He's not a great ballhandler, but he has such great body control you just can't ever trap him to take the ball away.

 
At 8/20/2008 2:54 PM, Blogger nelsojcau said...

i rarely comment, but love the direction this thread has taken.

the best non-basketball player i've ever played against was Steve Bedrosian when he played with the Atlanta Braves back in 95.

He was slightly overweight with this grizzly man beard and always seemed to be slightly out-of shape/winded, but dude never missed.

Agree with the others about football players. I played a lot of pick-up ball with the 2004 Auburn football team and those guys just dominated on sheer athleticism.

 
At 8/20/2008 2:57 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

I've always wanted to find video of Daunte Culpepper dunking and slapping the backboard in a charity game.

 
At 8/20/2008 3:49 PM, Blogger Brown Recluse, Esq. said...

Julius Peppers has got to be one of the best basketball players who plays another sport for a living. I know American football is not an Olympic sport, but this thread seems to have widened to include other sports. Peppers dropped 20 and 10 in an NCAA game after Joseph Forte and the rest of the team gave up. I have no doubt he would make a better NBA player than, say, Darvin Ham.

As for who is the best FD baller, I have no idea. The only one I've seen play is Shoals, and that was over ten years ago.

 
At 8/20/2008 3:59 PM, Blogger Bethlehem Shoals said...

Myself, Shoefly, Silverbird, Big Baby, and Andreo are like a Galapagos Islands of basketball. That probably has to do with not playing against anyone but each other for several years.

 
At 8/20/2008 4:33 PM, Blogger brad said...

Peppers occasionally stopped in at Woolen back at UNC. He got any rebound he wanted, of course, but what was unexpected was how well he could shoot.

 
At 8/20/2008 4:43 PM, Blogger Taliesin said...

I sometimes play at the open gym at the University of Chicago. Never overlapped with Obama, but some of the old guard had stories, and allegedly Arne Duncan, head of Chicago Public Schools, is a phenomenal point guard. So I guess Dems from Illinois are a + basketball demographic?

 
At 8/20/2008 6:07 PM, Blogger nelsojcau said...

man this just reminded me of the old Foot Locker slam dunk contests.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29TixSRcEA4

 
At 8/20/2008 8:57 PM, Blogger Babydaddy said...

Sorry I was asleep at the switch for this one. Anyway, second-hand info says that Eric Heiden--the Michael Phelps of speedskating in 1980, in case you don't know--played pickup ball when he was a med student at Stanford. My source says that his skills were weak but his abs were intimidating.

By the way, Wikipedia says that Heiden went on to be team doctor for the Sacramento Kings for a time.

P.S. if you seek hoop talent among the commenters, look not to me.

 
At 8/20/2008 9:01 PM, Blogger Babydaddy said...

PS--per Wiki, Peppers was named after Dr. J *and* Walt Frazier. So the basketball skill is to be expected.

 
At 8/21/2008 8:43 AM, Blogger Notorious D.I.G. said...

I gotta believe those midgets that they toss like bowlings have limited hoop skills. Yeah, I know it's not an Olympic sport; and no, I have never seen one actually hoop in real life. But I just gotta believe...

 
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