Yin Yang Calamity (EDIAL in sheep's clothing?)

FIRST OF ALL: Don't forget about Free Darko's cause for the kids!

--Now let's set it off with the most important news of the year in FD-land, which is that Amir Johnson will be the Pistons' starting power forward. We promise there is more to come on this breaking development as the week progresses. This news, combined with the word out of Detroit that Curry is going to expand Tayshaun Prince's game, not to mention the progression of Stuckey, makes me salivating (pause) to watch the Pistons this year.

--A bit of overlooked intrigue on Gwen Ifill's "role" in the debate last week.

--I miss the old days, when we would have been the first to bring you this story, but no doubt it's probably getting pub on like thirteen blogs already. Most notable about this piece is that I forgot Stephen Jackson got RUN OVER BY A CAR.

--Have to link to Zill for his insight on Carmelo and the Nugs. Back when the T-Wolves were competitive, Carmelo + Denver were public enemy No. 1 for me. Now all I can do is shake my head at them for getting in too deep with Karl-ball, tossing Camby into the ocean, and digging a baby blue grave for Iverson. Not that this is the ballsiest of claims, but mark my words right now, after the Nuggets stroll to the All-star break with a barely passable .490-.510 winning percentage, Iverson will be shipped out to a contender and may even win his first ring this year. Could be Detroit, Boston, Dallas, or even Phoenix...I just don't see Iverson going out of this league quietly.


















--On to the topic du jour, what Gawker has dubbed the "Jewish Civil War." I'm sure many of you last week got a chance to see Sarah Silverman's plug for "The Big Schlep," shown below:



Amusing, sure. I admit I laughed. But after the novelty wore off, I started to recall that every election year, famous people from Michael Moore to Ralph Nader pull a whole bunch of stupid self-serving stunts that are supposedly "for the cause" but really do more harm than good and generally don't make people vote democrat, and the Silverman video falls into that dump of stunts. (I will say, however, that the whole cringe-inducing Will.I.Am. "Yes We Can" thing shockingly is an exception...shit definitely caught on). Further unsettling was Jackie Mason's response to this video, shown here:



Now, regardless of what YOU think of Silverman or Mason or their videos, picture that small-but-critical block of elderly Jewish voters in Florida. Assume they are "active" online. First, which video are they more likely to see? Second, which video is more likely to sway them? Silverman is speaking to young fanatics who are already voting Obama and are gonna have a tough time convincing their grandparents to do the same. Mason is speaking to his generation, and actually sounds like a rational human being. It pains me to say it because I was a huge Silverman fan circa Mr. Show, but I am siding with Mason here in terms of effectiveness, utility during a critical election in which old people have been shat on (how is it ok that McCain's death is being discussed as an absolute certitude?), and is just plain right.

As an aside, I've been following Silverman over the years and (HATE TO DO IT BUT I HAVE TO) have become increasingly uncomfortable with how comfortable she is being racist toward blacks. What pisses me off is that it's generally under the guise of "hey I'm making fun of Jews and I'm Jewish, so I can make fun of [black people] too," which is such a piddily defense given that self-loathing is virtually the first principle of Jewish comedy and is therefore a given. Second, she has exploited her hipster cred to where she has clearly become a White Act and rarely places herself in any context where a black person would call her out on it (by the way, did anybody catch her and Jenny Lewis at the Apollo? Wonder how that went over). Third, she's simply doing more racist-at-black-people humor than anybody else. Exhibits A and B (of Z) below.





And of course there's the episode of the Sarah Silverman Program where: "Sarah has been denied entry to a tennis club, supposedly because she is Jewish, and argues with a man that claims being black is harder than being Jewish, Sarah tries to prove him wrong by putting on blackface." Hyuk hyuk. Look, it's not like Jackie Mason is any sort of a mensch when it comes to race relations either, but I find Silverman's brand of "cool racism" particularly annoying. Apologies for my rant, especially to those of you who have given us shit over the past few weeks for not focusing enough on basketball. But when the term "Jewish Civil War" comes up, best believe FD is gonna be there to resolve things.

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.26.08

It's AUGUST MFERS.


For consistency's sake:


















RIP Kevin Duckworth.

Shoals pays proper respects.

and:



The holy grail.

The thoroughness on Gerald Wallace.

Each Day Is a Lifetime, 8.25.08

I am experiencing what's either Olympic withdrawal or pre-Convention jitters. Regardless, I have chills and can't see, so this will be brief for now. Maybe I'll pull something real together for later.

-BOXIANA. FD loyalists know Shoefly, and might even remember his epic boxing post of 1.5 years ago. Well, after much preparation, he's launched a blog of his own. It's about boxing, but let me say: A true liberated fan need not be bound by what sports he supposedly likes or does not like. So read and rejoice. (BS)

-My final Portraits in Patriotism. Shows clear signs of illness. (BS)

-Good ole reliable Jim Souhan singles out Allen Iverson in the latest recapitulation of the "Team-USA-2004 really motivated this year's team to win gold...as though it was Iverson's fault for what happened that year (hmm, I seem to remember now-"redeemers" Dwyane Wade, Carlos Boozer, Carmelo Anthony, and LeBron James on that team as well). Regardless of this storyline's idiocy, two tremendous blows have been dealt to Allen Iverson's legacy over the past three months--neither of which have involved him. (1) is the Redeem Team narrative that simply tosses Iverson to the dogs as not-a-national-folk-hero-of-the-Steve-Smith-caliber.

The caricature of AI then gets used as the paper-doll foil for everything America does NOT represent (good thing for Marbury that he never grew cornrows. (2) Kevin Garnett wins a ring. I've wondered over these past two months...whose legacy does this affect more? KG's or the legacies of Iverson, Dirk, T-Mac, Jason Kidd, (and maybe LeBron?). Prior to this year's championship, we could always look at AI and KG as the two warriors who never won a ring. Now that he is stuck on a terribly coached team that isn't even getting out of the first round of the playoffs, the mystique of Iverson is beginning to dissipate...but it's NOT HIS FAULT. The sad thing is having to wonder whether these two events (which have inevitably motivated Iverson) will be counteracted by the wearing down of his body. (Dr. LIC)

Brown Recluse, Esq.: Iverson and Duncan were BY FAR the two best players in Athens. And Wade, Melo, and LeBron whenever Larry actually let them play. To assert that AI was in any way responsible for that team losing is just wrong.



-I spent almost two hours Sunday trying to write something on how, in the run-up to the first Obama/Biden appearance, the MSNBC compared DE's finest to Koufax, taking some time to get his gifts under control, and a boxer who punches a lot and lands enough of them. Obama was, in passing, likened to LeBron, with talent that immediately manifests itself. This had something to do with the whole Darwin's Athletes conundrum, since here a white politician was the more athleticized, and the possibility that Biden might be a more stereotypically "black" politician than Obama. Like really, who has more in common, style-wise, with Al Sharpton?

But then I got stuck on the issue of the Undrcrwn and Air Obama tees. Would those ever be made for a white, Latino, or Asian candidate with a similar cult of cool surrounding him? I'd say maybe, and yet it's hard to completely erase the issue of race, any more than I can unequivocally say that Obama's skin color is proof of a brave, new tomorrow, rather than—for some voters—proof of a desire for that. What makes it especially complicated is that, while Obama has made no secret of his love of hoops, branded himself the first basketball president, and expressed adulation for Dr. J, he's also, by his own admission, closest to Tayshaun Prince on the court. So as a speaker and a movement, he's MJ, or fiery Vince. But if you actually look at the man, on the court and in the finer points of his politial gamemanship (quoth his brother-in-law: "if you want to know about a man, play basketball with him"), that's only the tip of the iceberg, or maybe even an optical illusion.

So yeah. Biden has conventional style. Obama's is more complex, to the point of rupturing that corny, but indefatigable, connection between everything that can be interpreted as appreciating the value of style. I'm going back to sleep. (BS)

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.22.08

-Snoop in legal trouble, Mad Men—I mean, Wire—fans hold their breath. Such are the perils of "non-traditional actors." But don't forget, Anwar Glover (Slim Charles) beat a gun charge with the help of George Pelecanos, so things should be fine. (BS)

-American patriot Sam Adams thinks that Team USA's success in these Olympics is largely due to the teaching of "leader of men" Coach K. Personally, I would attribute their improvement more to the huge upgrade at guard from Allen Iverson, Stephon Marbury, and rookie Dwyane Wade to Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul, seasoned veteran Dwyane Wade, Deron Williams, Jason Kidd, and Michael Redd. Having a more experienced Carmelo and Lebron probably doesn't hurt either. Or the extra motivation that comes from their losses in Athens. But, yeah, it's probably all because of Coach K. (BR)

-Also, shit happens for a reason. J.R. back in Denver long-term. Somehow, he's seeming less disposable than either Melo or Iverson. (BS)

UPDATE: Deal is three years, which actually makes a lot more sense for both times. Some commitment, probably slightly generous, but everyone covers their ass.

-Via Tirico Suave, the straight-from-China story of Kobe's love for graphic novels, especially "that dark shit." I know, he's a rapist prick egotist whose 81-point game actually sucked. But seriously, people who don't think Kobe's a fascinating personality are just stupid. Oh, I forgot, he probably saw The Dark Knight and only then picked up the hobby, after someone's dorky younger brother mentioned them to him and his marketing people sent him a text message. Fucking poseur. (BS)

-I've watched a lot of basketball in the last decade, and I have zero recollection of this born-to-be-obscure AmEx ad, with major stars Elden Campbell and Jamal Mashburn:



Notwithstanding the uncomfortable association of New Orleans with dark, abandoned houses, I fail to see how this was supposed to make me get a credit card or find solace in these two noble NBA athletes. If anything, it makes me want to stay the fuck away from the city, and voodoo, and basketball players who come off as the black guys about to die halfway through a horror movie. (BS)





















-I hate Andrew Bogut. I hate his condescending attitude toward the NBA, his holier-than-thou pronouncements in the international about the beauty of life with the Boomers ("no one's playing for a contract"), and just generally, the fact that he talks shit in the off-season and then saunters back to the NBA each season like everyone shouldn't want to kick his ass. But more importantly, how is he not already doing what LeBron or Kobe shouldn't/couldn't/wouldn't do? As we know so well by now, Bogut is Austrailian, but he's also Croatian, and thus owes Europe his instinctive appreciation for all that is righteous and profound in sport. His heart belongs to Europe. And yet that NBA contract is just too juicy to pass up. Granted, he signed this $14 million a year deal before the Exodus began, and maybe some club in Kiev might have offered him a comparable rate. The point is, though, he's whoring himself out, living in exile, and defying his principles for the money, just like some people think American All-Stars never will. If he had any balls, he would've been that pioneer. (BS)

-Yeah, no shit we're late on the Jeezy/Nas joint. It's because we're not an mp3 blog, and I spend all day reading rumor pages. My two cents: I know the Obama campaign gets annoyed with shit like this, but I'm not even so sure this is about Obama. It almost seems to be a song in spite of Obama. He's in there, as is Bush, but only as references. When you're emailing Jesus and backhandedly forgiving the late Pimp C, bigger things are happening. You are also talking to someone who still had "What You Know" as his ringtone well into last year, if that's any indication of what moves me these days. (BS)

-DEATH OF A DYNASTY. Or wait, BIRTH OF A DYNASTY, since that would make the greatest swimmer ever. Fuck public relations, make babies. (BS)

-For the record, Bethlehem is a Jewish name.

-UPDATE: Really, could anything be more confusing and complicated for my view of the universe than Darius Miles joining today's KG in Boston? Especially if you click on the link to see the SI cover, which just might trump a certain SLAM cover in terms of breathless D-Miles optimism.

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.21.08

- Everyone's still talking about Usain Bolt. Over at AZSportsHub.com, there's actually a poll based on my post asking who's the more impressive athlete--Usain or Amare? For the record, I voted for Usain Bolt. (BR)

- ESPN is going for the more conventional comparison of Phelps and Bolt. Relatively speaking, is this blue/red or is it black/white? Regardless, it's much more impressive to be the best sprinter in the world when there are at least ten times as many sprinters as swimmers gunning for it. (CB)

- Taking it back to the hardwood, Shoals makes the argument that Team USA's dominance in Beijing proves that all that talk about the NBA style not translating to the international game was bunk.

- While we're on the subject of the Olympics, economist Ian Ayres advocates more citizenship flexibility, which he assumes would lead to more Americans competing for other countries, and potentially some form of post-nationalist liberated fandom: "You could, of course, still root for the redeem team, but suddenly you might want to cheer for an Angolan team populated by N.B.A. players with dual citizenship." (BR)



- Settling the question once and for all of whether we should like Dorell Wright, Tom Ziller refers to him as "mystical swingman, Dorrell Wright". (Dr. LIC/BS)

- Shoals is geeked that Polvo is headed west in a couple weeks. Get familiar with this hilarious local television news piece on the famed Chapel Hill scene from the early 90s. Ultimate dude Dave Brylawski makes a number of brief appearances. (BR)

- If ProStars were done today, who'd be the third? LeBron/Tiger are gimmes, but who rounds it out: Jeter, Roddick, Peyton, or Earnhardt Jr? If you have any better suggestions, leave them in the comments. (CB)

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.20.08

Just a quick thing or to from me today...I hate August.

Trouble seems to follow Antoine Walker everywhere he goes. Even to R. Kelly's favorite spot, the Rock N' Roll McDonald's.

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.19.08

Don't neglect Joey's banner of belonging!

-Ta-Nehisi Coates has been doing excellent work since he took over from our dude Matthew Yglesias over at The Atlantic.com. Yesterday, he posted his (intentionally lame?) list of candidates to be spokesperson for the white race--a sort of counterpart to Al Sharpton--featuring such luminaries as Tamir Goodman, Leona Helmsley, and Princess Leia. Were there to be an actual spokesperson for the white race, I would nominate Bob Costas, who in his role as staunch defender of the purity of sports, kinda already is. (BR)

-The new Game album has jokes: "Black war mafia, new millenium Genovese/ Got a million dollars says LeBron don't win a ring." (Dr. LIC)

-I really, really hope we've mentioned The Black Fives Blog before, because it's one of the better basketball-related sites in existence and always a great read. But if not, here's Claude Johnson pointing out correcting some of the history and questioning the premise of a piece I wrote for Spin about basketball, the Olympics, and music. In all fairness to myself, I don't think my thing was entirely serious, but Claude's post is, and helps the whole "basketball is not jazz" cause that I sort of betrayed with my article. (BS)

-My TSB colleague Large gets a giant FD gold star for including a Richard Thompson video in this post. That song reliably makes me tear up all the time, and always has. But my question: Would it be irredeemably un-PC to nickname the sprinter Richard "Black Lightning" Thompson? The colonial twist notwithstanding. . . (BS)

-So a few weeks back, Ben Golliver and I engaged in a long discussion about the relationship between blogging and New Journalism. I was skeptical and said the same shit I always do. He had a vision. Now, Ben's brought it to fruitition, and I feel like a moron for having ever doubted him. This is some calling card shit right here. (BS)



















-John Lewis to McCain: KEEP MY NAME OUT YOUR MOUTH. SIlverbird and I joked that Lewis is so obscure to right-wingers (something McCain didn't exactly help with his ultra-obscure account of Lewis's legacy, which seemed to involve a bridge and honor), this could lead to a major spike in Modern Jazz Quartet sales. (BS)

-Mutoni sent along this pic:



Quoth Marcel: "After seeing this, I'm even more convinced now that LBJ thinks of himself as everyone's dad, regardless of age." (BS)

-Feast your eyes upon the buffet of feeling that is Nick Anderson's (latest?) wedding. (BS)
















-I've become enthralled with this Maurice Jones-Drew Madden commercial...



...because until he cracks the joke about being on the cover, I seriously thought this was one of those "Joe Average plays Madden" spots like this one. I cannot get over how FREAKING SHORT HIS ARMS ARE. This all got me thinking, Maurice Jones-Drew would be the worst basketball player ever. And then I thought to ask you all, what other REALLY GOOD other sport athletes would make the worst basketball players? (Dr. LIC)

Each Day Is a Lifetime, 8.18.08

-LA Times reminds us that manners, not winning, are what the Redeem Team is all about.(BS)

-Simmons once said that David West was so underrated, he was soon going to be overrated. Does this mean that FOX feels Shane Battier is such a divinely modest role player that he's actually a spoiled superstar? (BS)

-I'm not exactly an expert in African-American male grooming practices, but I've got to say, some members of Team USA were looking conspicuously unkempt in the hair department this weekend. We're talking about a sport where, because of the uniform, players want to look fresh and clean whenever they take the court. Plenty of them get daily cuts, and/or employ their own personal barbers—to say nothing of the braid-maintenance necessary to be Carmelo Anthony or Allen Iverson. So why, in front of the biggest audience imaginable, does Chris Paul have an uneven, frizzy hairline and a mustache that resembles my "three weeks and it's all I've got" efforts? Deron Williams's cowlick-ed hair, and scrawny beard-strip thing that's totally 7-11? And that Tayshaun Prince reminds me of one of those farmer's market acquisitions you can't make sense of when you find it in the fridge two days later. I wouldn't be surprised if no one in China knows how to cut black hair, but it's kind of fucked up that the Olympic Village seems incapable of furnishing this simple courtesy. I've decided that Wade's shaved head was a preemptive strike against these difficulties, not a BACK statement like Vince's 2000 mini-fro. (BS)

UPDATE: Ziller says Tayshaun got a haircut.

-Can someone explain to me why lush, sensual FanHouse Fantasy Football is running ads on TPM? (BS)

-You know who really loves style? The U.S. Army:



Seriously, I have no idea how that makes any sense as a recruiting pitch. Maybe for one of those Third World militias where everyone gets to dress funny. (BS)

-Blah blah blah, Ben Gordon has played his last game as a Bull. I just don't get why people care about this guy. Fine, his shot is nice, and he can go bonkers in the fourth. But he's a very good second-tier player, not a limited star. He's got "Knicks" written all over him, and I'd take Jamal Crawford over him any day of the week. (BS)

-To me, this is a microcosm of what's so fucked up about race and patriotism. This shows how it comes out in Team USA (where's Iverson at?), and of course, this election is rife with it. I think we all know that, for Americans who have at various times felt somewhat alienated from their country, coming to love it is a struggle, or at very least a complicated process. Shouldn't that make it more authentic than someone born into it, for whom there's never been any question, or possibility of disjuncture? Especially when, with Bush and McCain, the process of going from a fuck-up to a responsible adult (whether through God or torture) strengthens their narrative. It's like Collinsworth, whom I actually like, is trying to bait Kobe into admitting that patriotism is a costume he's trying on, an old-fashioned, hokey one that doesn't jive with him. Like the very act of discovering how much you love this country, which has been part of the Redeem Team's energy, cheapens patriotism. Certainly, it can't measure up to the unflinching, immanent goodness of those who have always been close to the bosom of the Homeland. And yet Obama's lifetime of success has nothing on politicians who need to be shocked into becoming adults. (BS)

Carter Blanchard: Maybe I'm just being too much of an apologist for the other side lately (I just spent a couple days trying to convince my dad that the vast majority of McCain's gaffes are completely benign), but I really don't take this as a shot at Kobe. I mean with the "historically" bit there's clearly the suggestion that not being raised here means your love of country has to be proven before we can be 100% you're not a spy, but that has way more to do with his international-ness than his skin color I think. And the part that people seem to be going to arms over, the "cool" line, reads to me much more like a shot at young anti-Bushites that inexplicably don't have flags sticking out of their ears and asses rather than anything aimed at Kobe specifically. There's obviously fucked-upness embedded in it, but I'm not sure it's quite as bad as you and others have been suggesting.



BS: I don't think it's a shot at Kobe per se, but it does sound a lot like Collinsworth is trying to find a fissure, even welcoming one. Like "come on man, you can't be serious, this is so square." It has as much to do with his needs and expectations as it does Kobe's actual feelings. And really, do you see Michael Phelps getting asked questions like this? It's that whole question of what it means that America's highest-profile athletes, aside from Phelps, are black people who, in this country, some large amount of the population still links with hip-hop and thugs.

Brown Recluse: Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I get the sick feeling he's using Kobe as a proxy for Obama--he spent his formative years overseas, he's well-spoken, he's black, he's cool, he inspires mass adulation, etc. Actually, do people of Collinsworth's generation hold family, faith, and fidelity dear? He grew up in the 70s, which I guess could be post-hippie nihilistic or Silent/Moral Majority, depending on who you are. That he was a football player from Florida (Go Astronaut High!) probably cuts in favor of the latter, so maybe you're right.

CB: I think you'd get a similar response if a youngish person was going on about how important family, faith, or fidelity was to him. As in, this is much more about Cris's generation gap and assuming automatically that anyone below the age of 40 pisses on the the things his wizened generation holds dear. Although I suppose I have to concede that the surprise would only be increased if the young person also happened to black, which I guess proves your point that there's definitely a racial component to it too.

BS: And incidentally, how is it that playing for Team USA (whether you're Chris Kaman or a no-show) and not playing for Team USA can both call your patriotism into question?

CB: Now that I've had some driving to think about it, you guys are totally right, that question is completely: "Wait a second, I thought Michelle never felt pride and Barrack wouldn't say the pledge. When did flag-waving become hip again?"

BS: Fuck the police.

Special Weekend EDiAL

2008 might be the year that redeems sports.

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.15.08

Let's set it off with a piece of short non-fiction from Shoals:

Wednesday afternoon, my better half and I went to get Vietnamese food around 5PM. We were both kind of groggy, hungry, and glazed-over, and our waitress immediately decided that we'd worn ourselves out watching the Olympics (we need a better name for them. The Games?):

Waitress: You look tired. Been up watching the Olympics, huh?
Us: Actually, we have been watching them non-stop.
Waitress: Me too. Who are you rooting for?

(Slightly awkward silence all around. I start looking around for some evidence that this is one of those Asian restaurants where the food doesn't match the owners, to see if maybe she was secretly Chinese or something. At this point, I should remind readers that I look like every ethnic group in the world at once, and my girl is half-Cuban, which doesn't exactly "look like" anything but seems a relevant fact there.)

Us (mumbling): You know, lots of different countries. It depends on the event.
Waitress: Yeah, it's complicated. But hey, we just all like watching the best athletes and rooting for them, right?
Us: Right. So many different athletes are fun to watch.

Never had I thought that Liberated Fandom could save me from such a potentially weird situation, especially when it comes to the Olympics—the ultimate in traditional fandom.

















-Desmond Mason going back to Oklahoma. Am I going to have to stop acting like the Oklahoma City (Thunder) don't exist? The Oklahoma Okies have seriously turned into the amalgam of the past 20 years of the NBA. White guys, Africans, Euros, prodigal sons (Durant), wiley veterans (Joe Smith) three-point specialists (Donyell Marshall), and now a dunk specialist. (Dr. LIC)

-How come everything involving Van Exel is automatically hilarious? Especially if it's striving for normalcy and grandeur. (BS)

-I don't know what's more dope about this Adrian W. column: Kidd robustly pointing out the double standard applied to the NBA, or Gasol's "it was all the in spirit of the Olympics." This is spot on: Plenty of people are just waiting for them to pull a Barkley and get ignorant, and thus absolutely demand we field a team of Reddicks in the future. Gasol, on the other hand, seems to feel that making fun of others is part of mingling with them on the world stage; mockery, even with a little bit of poor taste, spices up the already fraught competition. Is this being comfortable in one's cosmpolitan skin, or a rarified version of playground trash talk? Old World playfulness or vulgar NBA influence? Maybe there's no difference, aside the cluster of associations each carries with them. And how they're judged accordingly. (BS)

-New Portraits in Patriotism this morning. I'll let you in on a secret: I try and put myself in the mindset of McCain or Bush when I write these, and feel half-crazy by the end. (BS)
























-Predicting the existence of YouTube

-Really good primer on gigantism, which has affected Sun Ming Ming, Gheorghe Muresan, and Andre the Giant among others. The pituitary gland apparently turns your body into its own personal Barry Bonds training regiment. Scary. (Dr. LIC)

-Best part of this Sarunas screed: Stephen Jackson's so loyal, to everyone, it's like codependent. (BS)

-Former NBA journeyman Vincent Askew (who is 43) was arrested this week for having sex with a 16-year old girl in Miami, and I have to admit I was surprised that was a crime, since the age of consent is 16 in most states. Turns out it's a felony in Florida whenever "a person 24 years of age or older...engages in sexual activity with a person 16 or 17 years of age." With such a bright line between college-dude-pulling-high-school-trim and creepy-old-predator, I was struck by the wishy-washy language of "16 or 17 years of age." Why not "17 and under"? Is that too difficult for panhandle rednecks to understand? (BR)

UPDATE: There is a separate statute in Florida that deals with people between the ages of 12 and 16. The statute I cited above does deal only with 16 and 17 year olds, so the language makes sense. I hereby apologize to all Floridians for my baseless speculation about their ability to comprehend the English language. It is I whose reading was not up to snuff. As penance, I will spend the weekend reading Eskridge's Legislation and Statutory Interpretation. (BR)

-Special Endorsement from Dr. LIC:

Your dude is back.
























I just saw Tropic Thunder last night, with uncertain expectations, and holy sh*t--this film is a modern classic. For those worried that Stiller went soft with Night at the Museum, the Meet the Parents franchise, and Heartbreak Kid-type exploits, have your hopes restored. Social commentary/skewering of "Hollywood's excess" aside, this movie simply has more jokes than anything I've seen in recent years. With a 10-minute opening segment that is the comedy equivalent of "R O S E B U D"/Connie Corleone's wedding, the movie maintains its funniness for its duration. And Downey, Jr. should seriously be nominated for an Oscar. See it.

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.14.08

Animals = always a good thing. (TK)















--Mark Kiszla is baffled by the Chinese love Kobe Bryant is receiving during these Olympics. Shoals and I were all over this over a year ago, but this adulation is definitive proof that, despite his flirtations with the Chosen People, Kobe is totally Asian. (BR)

--Can someone explain the T-wolves reference to me in this new Ludacris/T.I. song? Luda says:

"The first round draft pick - later for you imbeciles / The car is all black like it got traded to the Timberwolves"

Is the car all black because being traded to the Timberwolves is like being sentenced to death?
Is the emphasis more on the "first round draft" aspect of the line? Like how the Wolves always have first round picks?
Certainly he can't be referring to an all-black line-up given that the Wolves went out and copped Kevin Love and Mike Miller as their two major off-season acquisitions.

Update: Booo, I figured it out. Luda follows this line with "And I keep a little bit of that green up in the lining." so all he's doing is referring to the little-used black road jerseys.
















Kobe video from Slate. The subtlety is lost on me. Also, at this point, isn't making fun of Kobe as easy as, making fun of religious people or yelling "F-ck Bush" at a hip-hop show? (sigh).

Each Day Is a Lifetime, 8.13.08

-In an interview with the A.V. Club, Woody Allen shares his feelings on this year's Knicks. A key passage, carved out of a much longer answer:

WA: What I'd like the Knicks to develop into is a team that's fun and that's colorful and that you really like to watch every night, which is the way they were many years ago. It was fun to watch them, because they didn't just pile up wins in unappealing ways.

AVC: Like the [San Antonio] Spurs.

WA: Yeah. I'd really rather be entertained and have them come in second than be bored stiff and see them grind to a first-place finish.

-I have no idea if this is done by someone who doesn't know shit about sports, or only knows about sports. Or maybe the rumors are true, and youth culture has truly passed me by. Ray Allen is totally Kathy Acker. Last year's Sonics were like a Sonics reunion. Stop me when you start slipping on the trail of drool. (BS, via FanHouse)

-I've been pumping the air horn for Delonte West all summer, and now suddenly feel quite stupid about it. Presuming this rumor pans out. In every way, Mo Williams is a superior, more solid player. Then again, how bleak is it that Mo Williams—capable, occasionally explosive, not leaking left and right—seems like the key that unlocks Cleveland's championship dreams? Or is it a testament to Bron's ever-mounting might?



-I keep asking myself "why doesn't Iguodala play for Nigeria?" Not that I know anything about international basketball. Or am unaware that he's been a part of the Select Team. But if Chris Kaman will don the colors of a country he's never heard of, why wouldn't Iggy have tried to become the savior of Lagos, just this once? Would that preclude him jumping to the USA in 2012? This is just indicative of everything that bugs me about him (contract aside): He could be a totally weird, innovative player, like a smaller, more explosive, less precious Diaw. Instead, he's a passive swingman with some fundamentals. I want allies, not martyrs or shining lights for Tony Allen.

BR: They should convince someone with no chance of making Team USA--say, Rafer Alston--to get dual citizenship with Nigeria. How does Nigeria not beat everyone in Africa with this team?

PG: Rafer Alston
SG: Ime Udoka
SF: Andre Iguodala
PF: Emeka Okafor
C: Obinna Ekezie (played at Maryland, started 31 games for the Hawks in 04-05)

(Although, I guess Okafor is ineligible because he rode the pine for the Americans in Athens.)

BS: Wait, you get ineligible for shit like that?

BR: You can only represent one team in national competition. At least, that's how it works for soccer. Assume it's the same for the Olympics.

BS: So Iguodala on the Select Team would mean no Nigeria for him?

BR: That's not technically international competition, right?

Amateur, off-base psychology time. Wasn't Andre's dad Nigerian, but he abandoned him, and he was raised by his African-American mother and stepfather? Maybe he doesn't feel any connection to Nigeria, and in fact, rejects it?

BS: On draft night, there was some dude at his table in a gigantic print robe/head-dress combo. My barely educated guess was that dude was Nigerian.

-I've been wanting to post this all week, and believe it or not, I keep getting tripped up by the complexity of the argument I want to use it to make.



We can argue all day about just how different athletes area from porn stars, but I'd argue that acting schlubby around the house runs more counter to their image than something comparably mundane would be an NBA player. And yet I think it's remarkably effective in enhancing the brand, or whatever the kids say when you're tugged from two directions. (BS)

-I'm going to buy up the domain name www.draperized.com when I can think of what do with it. Hopefully you all get this joke.

-I had some other thoughts to share on my lack of Olympic crushes, and my complicated relationship with Stacey from What Not to Wear, but this post has already seen more lady-objectification than the previous three years of FreeDarko. So we'll skip that. Stay tuned for our epic discussion of men's gymnastics.

Each Day Is a Lifetime, 8.12.08

Slow day, long picture.

-Sorry if I was flip about Isaac Hayes's passing. Here's my favorite thing he ever wrote (with David Porter of course). Also, on the off chance you haven't already, read KD's take, even if I think there's another four-on-the-floor origin story to be told. Sidenote: YouTube's rise in the music preview game cannot be underestimated, especially for rare-ish stuff.

-Now that I've finally got a chance to see her in action I have to say that Hannah Storm is notably pleasant on these late morning Sportscenters. (Dr. LIC)

-I love Mark Spitz being a hilarious kvetcher and being the one guy not to buy into the Michael Phelps hype. Phelps is just a WASP savior with questionable political leanings lest we forget. (Dr. LIC)

Shoals: He is like a shark in the water. If that's good enough for Melo, it's good enough for me. Sharks defy politics, and embraces only the higher and lower politics of mankind.

-Meet Jorge Castellenos of Mexico. He hates the Pope, loves Christ, enjoys long song poems about witchcraft and genocide, and has over 400 performances on YouTube. Shirt-optional performances. Here's his meditative Olympics offering:



If ever a soul could crush you with its solitary determination. . . (BS)

-Yes I'm linking to Deadspin as though you haven't read this yet. Lots of good points made here. I'm (predictably) not mad at all if Team USA turns these games into And1 exhibitions. Windmill dunks are the hoops equivalent to swimmers yelling deliriously and puffing out their chests. What disturbs me is Coach K's weak half-hearted "excuse" for the dunking. Why make excuses? Why is dunking even wrong when it's been established that the hoops-viewing portion of the Chinese population is going apeshit over Kobe and LeBron. There aren't any "records" to really break in hoops, but if there were, telling the USA not to dunk when they're up by a lot is like telling a sprinter to slow down at the end of the race when he has a commanding lead. (Dr. LIC)

-I hope no one freaks out and kills me over this, but I can't help but feel like the Olympics are totally 9/11. That's the last time I felt compelled to sit in front of the television as if marathon spectatorship were a meaningful act. A lifestyle, even. (BS)

-I interviewed Josh Smith for TSB. Further coordinates when it's up. (BS)

Each Day Is a Lifetime, 8.11.08

I know everyone's up to their hips in Olympics, but please check out my attempt to look elsewhere. Now, the trinkets:

-VERY SPECIAL UPDATE: Dr. LIC's real name, and first article for ESPN Mag.

-Yes, we all know Jackson had a track record of honesty before the Warriors—the Pacers were like some primal scream therapy, and the Golden State he found the perfect synthesis of his two past selves. Whereas Ricky Davis has rarely demonstrated anything resembling civic virtue. But here Walton's Wisdom, suggesting that Baron/Ricky could be Baron/S-Jax redux. Not so silly, when you remember just how multi-skilled Tyree Ricardo really is. (BS)

-The Dream Team through the lens of Kurosawa. I think. I don't really watch him much; I stand by this quote from Cinematic Damnation: "Yes, I know, Kurosawa's films are better from an artistic standpoint. However, most of Kurosawa's films, as wonderful and emotional as they are, just aren't that much fun to watch. Fukasaku's films, on the other hand, are a fucking blast. As Patrick Macias noted in his book Tokyoscope: The Japanese Cult Film Companion, if Kurosawa is Japan's John Ford, Fukasaku is surely the country's Sam Peckinpah". (BS)

-Is Masha's mention of "Shoals" a sign of her deep respect for my writing? Ironically, this translation reads a lot like older FD. (BS, from MC Welk)



-This shit is getting everywhere already, but we stake our claim out of principle and deepest feeling. In her autobiography, Jane Fonda credits Lewis with getting her into radical politics on the set of They Shoot Horses, Dont They?. Responsible for Hanoi Jane and rolled with Tarkanian. That's like Moe Berg for the empire I never knew. (BS)

-While everyone else worries about whether (women's) beach volleyball is sexist, I'm struck by how much it's like basketball, right down to the language of the announcing. It's basically like a non-stop series of drives to the basket, if there were someone living in the basket. Good time to revisit Wilt Chamberlain's major role in the game's development.(BS)

TK: Is it worth mentioning anything about how the Bushes and Kissinger looked really bored during the game, or is that just assumed at this point?

BS: I do think it's interesting that, between how unfettered the USA played, and that Nike commercial (and the fact the Coach K turned the team onto Marvin's rendition) that BLACK IS NOW OFFICIALLY AMERICAN.



-I'm surprised that I'm the one making this trenchant point about NBA families and the Olympics. (BS)

-Old All-Star game footage is getting to be a dime a dozen, and oftentimes just succeeds in stripping away the luster of legend. Uh, not this clip from the 1977 ASG, the first one Dr. J played in the NBA. It looks like the Olympic team, without all the angst:



In the future, someone will start fabricating "historical" YouTube vids. If only so that will replace the "look what I did on a video game" video that is the bane of my inefficient existence. (BS).

UPDATE: Via First Cuts and Unsilent, for now all we can do is gaze on it at Dustin's blog. Hopefully there's a shirt in the works, and I'll get one. Especially since the Beasley "I have a dream" joint never got made. (BS)

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.8.08

I kind of hate football right now:

--Our old friend Dan Hopper catches something in the Carmelo Anthony episode of cribs that may cause us to revise our definition of "Black Jesus," which already appears twice in the Free Darko Macrophenomenal Pro Basketball Almanac glossary. Carmelo's description of the painting seriously needs to be watched for full appreciation.

--When someone asks you what Free Darko means, just show them this.

--This piece from The Root on LeBron's political inclinations appears surprisingly too late given the scuttlebutt on whether or not Coach K and Don Vito Colangelo has ordered a gag rule on political talk at the olympics. Nonetheless, this piece is nice (and unique) in its optimism for athletes' political involvement.

--Just note how surreal it is that Silas and Smith are co-coaching a team. SITCOM (BS)

--This decidedly slays this, which decidedly slays this. As Shoals notes, "That dsr song mentions a throwback ostertag!!!!!"

--Good conversation on the Marvin Gaye "Star Spangled Banner" jumpoff, which has been the topic of much discussion lately for its appearance in Nike's newest Olympic advertisement. Personally, I think the Nike ad is kind of weak and really undermines the awesomeness of Marvin returning from drugged out seclusion to use the NBA as centerstage for a dramatic return. That moment has zero to do with the Olympics. Also, just for the record, we put Marvin's anthem on this site in the first installment ever of "Thursdays with Thurl."
















--And now, a dissection of the news of the day. BLAMP!!!

Carter Blanchard: This is so fantastic. Conley/Mayo/Gay/Smith actually feels like something real. Sad that the Hawks are dead, but maybe their spirit will live on in a more viable form just a little to the west. Darko so would be on this team.

Brown Recluse, Esq: Darko reborn as Andris Biedrins? That blows my mind. Is this what Darko needed all along, to be on a team like the Hawks or the Warriors?

Ty Keenan: I would be nervous about this if it ever took the Hawks management fewer than seven days to do anything.

Carter Blanchard: Somehow I think this fits your redundancy theme. Rather than turning Smith into a high energy role player, or pairing Gay with someone more proven to pave his way, this is such a beautiful collection of questioned lost souls, whose solidarity will fuel them. Even Mayo as an overhyped rookie somehow fits the identity of "tantalizing but can't trust him."

Bethlehem Shoals: Also, obviously the new Darko shirt is the original with all the Grizzles jumping around him.



















UPDATE: This photo is all about the blazer and the flag. In the words of Shoals, "THE HAIR IS OVER." (Chris Mottram)























DOUBLE SUPER-UPDATE:

Peep Flex's jersey in the opening seconds:



(Caps told my brother who told me, Shoals)

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.7.08

Hello world. The majority of these links come from Shoals:

Carmelo's NYTimes Olympics blog is predictably boring, and a tad misspelled:






The photo of this situation is pretty priceless:
















Wise words on J.R. Smith.

I'm getting excited for Sunday, just waiting for WARNs to break this down.

Important roundtable discussion on grammar and, well, I'm not gonna try to spell his name.

Just another Kobe wannabe:

















Shoals sent me this but I'm not quite sure why.

UPDATE FROM SHOALS: the ryan howard thing: his protrade abbreviaton is "RHOWA," as in, the white supremacist term for "racial holy war."

Charles Barkley, Jerry Rice, and Ray Allen at Lake Tahoe. Pure hilarity.

...And Sir Charles getting--in the words of Henry--a little PG-13:

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.6.08

-It's raining basketball and politics!!!!! My proper crack at the Darfur issue, and a fake LeBron interview that's probably better (and more succinct) than the post. And, in the kind of gnashing irony that can only come from online basketball journalism, at some point today you can read both my earnest, Obama-esque takes on Team USA and the latest installment in my ongoing satire of basketball patriotism. (BS)

SHOALS ALSO SAYS: I agree with Henry on this: Team USA could at least sign the truce letter. Even if saying "hey Sudan, do the right thing" doesn't impress me much. Or maybe that's exactly why they should do it...

-What the hell is going on in Dubai????. Relevant because Shoals had the call of the week last week when he proclaimed that "[Michael] Jordan should move to Dubai. It's the only place he makes sense." (Dr LIC).




















-So wait, the Kings have "an unofficial-official gag order" on all Artest-related matters until Ron Ron's officially gone? I know that's supposed to keep anything from jeopardizing the deal, but really, it just seems like a token gesture, a polite send-off. It would be more suspicious—and always has been—when it appears Artest has no skeletons in the closet. That's just not right, and it disturbs the flame-throwing basketball equilibrium. (BS)

-While Oregonian report is a day old, I wanted to point out how much more grown Oden looks. We've heard that he got too jacked up from lifting weights, and he never really struck me as a scrawny kid with a shoulder-span (NEW DRAFT JARGON ALERT) that would fill out. And Oden always looked about 6,000 years old. But he really is looking like a teen whose body is maturing. For some reason, this makes me think about Young Shaq vs. Prime Shaq with both awe and sadness. (BS)



















-If anyone has video of the club show Polvo played in Chicago at the Subterranean, please get in touch. I need it for something important. (BS)

-This Amir Johnson giggles skit is even better for being filmed off the jumbotron. We haven't forgotten Marquis Daniels. (BS)

-I know it's pretty lame to link to the Leader, but (a) this article about baseball closers is amazingly well written, and (b) this completely illustrates the disparity between the amount of good sports writing on baseball compared to basketball. I mean, ESPN's basketball analogy to this, is Hollinger, whose exclusive formula is essentially gaffled from baseball's sabermetrics, and has a really difficult time relating this formula to the actual goings-ons of a basketball game (can someone tell me what PER predicts?), much less the business of basketball. I'm putting out a call for more substantive hoops writing that actually uses statistics to make interesting points, not just to appear science- y.(Dr LIC)

-More solid gold from the masters (Dr LIC):



UPDATE: Portraits in Patriotism II now up.

Each Day is a Lifetime, 8.5.08

Read Shoals. We report, you decide. On to the lynx:

When I read this hot Janeero Pargo rumor, my first two thoughts were "why would anyone forsake the joy and ease of playing with Chris Paul" and "dang, why won't trickle overseas let up?!?!" (BS)

No one likes Coach K, or this slobbering article, but it does more or less call him an exceptionally organized players' coach. With D'Antoni and Nate McMillian completing the staff, should that come as any surprise? The Post wants this to be TEAM PLAY at its finest, but it's important—as it was with the Celtics—that that impetus wasn't imposed from up above. (BS)





















Hold up, I thought that Stuckey's emergence made a Pistons blockbuster an option. Now it's security, obivating the need for a move. The Pistons paradox: They're hard-working and honest, except for when they're moody or touchy, and these off-season rumors—along with the bound-to-happen youth movement—could really go either way. Has a ring ever made a franchise so insecure? (BS)

Louis Williams, five years and $25 million. The key piece in Philly's future: Is he leverage against Iguodala? An attempt to make Andre Miller dispensable (which would be stupid)? Don't look now, but between Monta, this deal, and the mild C.J. Miles turf war, the combo guard finally became kosher. It also showed in this year's draft, where the "is he a point guard" question ultimately mattered little. (BS)

This video has been making the soccer blog rounds for almost a week now. It beats the hell out of that Getty Images uniform leak. (TK)

I loved Will's piece on Deadspin about how boring the olympic athletes are. This is somehow relevant to the Team USA/whether-or-not-to-speak-out topic in that these athletes are so f--king groomed to "represent their country" they can't show the slightest bit of intrigue or personality. I miss Bode Miller. (Dr LIC)



















My brother sent me this facebook group. There is a great photo of Lamar Odom in the pix section in which he is rocking some ridiculously flamboyant valet-looking red jacket. Highly questionable photo of Sticky Fingaz from Onyx in there as well. No mad face. (Dr LIC)

UPDATE:



Jordan in a 1990 Euro All-Star game. Dude has all ten parts, including the pre-game, if you feeling like braving his YouTube user page. Apologies if this has made the rounds before; I couldn't tell. (BS)