FD Ground Game Prep

When you put out a book, you go forth. That's why, once we've all done our share of post-election celebrating, screaming, or cackling, and after Thanksgiving dies down, Big Baby Belafonte, Silverbird5000, and I will be roaming the East Coast. And potentially Dr. LIC and The Recluse, too. We're in the process of finalizing our schedule, and working out our costume changes, but figured we'd put out an open call here for any college students who'd like to see FreeDarko give a lecture at their campus. Preferably the kind that goes through the student activities committee and pays for our gas money. You'll get to see us try and make a book reading interesting, ask us questions, and then find us a bar that's showing that night's Grizzlies game.

So if this sounds like something that might interest you, and you're in a position to set it up for somewhere between 12/1 and 12/12, shoot us a brief message at freedarko at gmail dot com. Our lives don't depend on you, but it could be fun for all involved.

And if you don't happen to live around there, fear not. We will be gracing other parts of the country with our presence, so stay tuned.

I Can't Bake Fealty

Hats off to Fat Contradiction. Despite showing up only about twice a year, and usually to hurt my feelings in the process, he's earned a spot in the Commentors Hall of Fame. So when he takes me (us) to task for taking bland, conventional views on Stephon Marbury, and in some sense betraying this site's radical principles, I cry, bristle, and then start typing.

It's true, FreeDarko is preoccupied with the ways in which off-court manner and behavior bleed into our perception of an athlete's on-court identity, and vice-versa. The sneaker thing, though doomed and not particularly original, was a shock to the basketball system. His willingness to let his guard down with the media, be in that of a man released or an utter loon, could've rocketed Marbury past old teammate Garnett on the too effin' real scale. The Tracy Morgan/Jordan moments of 2007 were either a man losing it or maybe, like some of Josh Howard's less couth episodes, what everyone's already thinking anyway. My all-time fave has to be the "Money makes a man do crazy things," delivered in the midst of courthouse pandemonium, with a smile, and with full knowledge that his skeezy testimony had just pushed him into the Page Six gulag.

I don't remember exactly when The Recluse said this, but I still believe: "I predict Marbury in ten years to be some sort of deranged community activist, like a cross between Jim Brown and Mike Tyson."

All of which is fine and good. But let's not forget, as a player Steph is an absolute stinker. Fine, he's flashy, in that great line of PG's who wow in the city and disappoint as pros, is the very definition of clubhouse wrecker, fosters zero chemistry, and is street as hell without it amounting to much of anything. I've railed against early Iverson as FD taken too far; Marbury is certain strains of our philosophy turned back against us.



His game could not be more depressing. At his best, he could dish like crazy, use strength, elusiveness, and start-stops to find his way to the basket, and take over games to the surprise of no one. Unfortunately, there was absolutely no logical way for him to synch this up with other players. I've always believed that Iverson's main problem was not having players around him who understood—or could make good on—exactly how you work on offense with a ball-hogging, clock-eating, tunnel-visioned shop-wrecker who could split defenses and emerge as an impromptu playmaker more than you thought. Marbury was a far more traditional point guard, just a palsied version of one. Sadly, there's no external solution for the Marbury problem, no acceptable complement.

So he's a waste. The same brain that makes him a perennnial sideshow in street clothes also destroys any hope of his being a real "revolutionary figure." He's a corrupt city pol who just so happens to march in the streets or project a flamboyant image. Marbury is a parody on the court, which makes it hard to feel any real enthusiasm for or confidence in his public persona—unless we're just all about marveling at the outspoken idiot. That's why, for all our commitment to the big picture, you can't escape the man and his game. Marbury's game is just stupid, and at best, that serves as a counter-weight to whatever he's other become. At worst, it taints the whole thing with what you could only describe as mundane lunacy, outrageousness in the service of drab.

Was Marbury was better person when he was with Garnett? Would you really call the last two years a "personal breakthrough?" He was certainly less rigid in Minnesota. In Phoenix, though, when he actually experienced some success, you saw it more clear than ever: He'd become a drag, predictable, counter to the whole spirit of energized, creative basketball that supposedly flowed from the semi-disciplined urban mileau he came to embody. But as his game became less and less truly energetic and alive, what you were left with was empty swagger, skill you had to grudgingly admit (never admire), and someone whose claim to fame lay increasingly in his biography and symbolism. If that's totally severed from a man's performance, or ends up carrying all the weight, then that's when I turn my back. If nothing else, to protect the doctrine.

I wonder if it works the other way, though. Probably not. If you grew Anthony Randolph in a test tube in Iowa and had him shilling for Activia, I'd still ride.

FD Guest Lecture: Dribble Down Economics

A very timely guest lecture, courtesy of Atticus Van Zandt.

A bad NBA player with a large contract is basically bad debt. It's an asset that's worth significantly less on the open market that what you paid for, and it sits on the books restricting your ability to manage your organization. Zach Randolph is, essentially, an illiquid asset, and there’s not much that separates NBA franchises from investment banks. During the past decade, the NBA saw an explosion of bad debt. The arms race of contracts made the competition for free agents explode and suddenly even mediocre players were getting contracts far greater than their actual worth. While such contracts had always been present in the system, during this time, they threatened to overwhelm it.

Everybody makes mistakes. It’s when everybody makes mistakes at the same time that you get gridlock (and unintended pregnancies).Sometimes this gridlock can be resolved by somebody simply taking a step back so that somebody else can step forward. You admit your mistake, pay your penance and somebody who made better decisions benefits.

Most NBA fans understand the mechanism through which bad contracts are typically resolved is trade. However, when a large number of franchises are burdened with the same kinds of albatross contracts, trade is suppressed. I can't trade you my Antoine Walker (even if I sweeten it with a David Lee) if you've already got a Big Country Reeves on your payroll. The system breaks down, nobody gets resolution and otherwise healthy franchises whither. To whom do you pay penance when everybody has sinned equally?

In exceptional times of collective mass lapse in decision making– when you can’t take a step back because the guy behind you followed right into the same mistake– resolution is much more complex. You need a central figure to facilitate progress. Sometimes it takes a hero. But just as often, it takes a goat. Someone who’ll not only eat everybody else’s trash, but do it willingly, because that’s what he was made to do. When extrapolated to a larger scenario, that goat takes on an almost messianic quality.



What you need is one place where everybody can dump their bad debt, even if it's just for pennies on the dollar, to get it off their backs. With all the troubled assets collected in one place, you have one severely struggling entity, but the overall community actually improves. That’s where the goat steps in. And since at least 2003, there’s been no bigger goat in the NBA than Isiah Thomas and the New York Knicks. Steve Francis, Starbury, Eddie Curry, Jalen Rose, Penny Hardaway. Jerome Williams. Not only did they take on contracts that nobody else would (or could) touch, they re-signed depreciating talents to new contracts, thereby keeping them off the market indefinitely. You don’t think somebody else would’ve signed Allen Houston if the Knicks hadn’t re-upped him? Maybe nobody else would have paid quite the same premium, but he would’ve become a drag on a payroll nonetheless. The same goes for Jerome James.

Hank Paulson is obviously an NBA fan in the midst of bringing the Knick theory to the financial world. Essentially, what the Treasury is proposing is the creation of a government-sponsored Fail Corporation—a financial markets version of the Thomas Knicks, who's job it is to collect all the bad debt from the open market so that the otherwise healthy organizations can get their illiquid assets off the books and continue to operate and trade with each other. The Treasury will play the role of James Dolan—a pocketbook that’s limits are matched only by its tolerance for under-performance. It’s unclear who will play the role of Isiah, who in a brilliant stroke of irony has himself turned into a bad contract sitting on a balance sheet.

However, the real lesson of the exercise is to rewrite the legacy of Isiah in the NBA. Had he not come along, would the league have suffered the same crisis as the credit markets? Would troubled franchises like the Hornets or Trailblazers have ever seen the relatively quick recovery they’re now enjoying? Where will the Zach Randolphs go now in an Isiah-less league after even the Grizzlies and Chris Wallace have turned up their nose?



Just as the collective greed of the American banker hasn’t increased significantly in time leading up to the credit crunch, neither has the intelligence of the NBA general manager leading up to this time of prosperity in the age of Isiah. There are still going to be marginal players signed to contracts far in excess of the actual value of their ability that will clog payrolls for years to come. The question is, how will the league manage this bad debt in the future? Instead of one huge debt dump, you might see a smaller collection of mini-Knicks spring up to fill the void, but such a four-quarters for a dollar approach would surely lack the efficiency of one central institution. You could even see a slight shift in regulatory controls, such as we have already seen the NBA move toward with the limited contract forgiveness.

However, the role of Isiah may have been little more than an anomaly that helped to prop up a fundamentally untenable system in need of a drastic change to its structure. The Knicks, like the government bailout, may be a disservice by merely delaying the inevitable collapse needed before a real cure can be found. As the Steve Francises of the future accumulate across payrolls, the league will stumble inevitably along to stagnation. Without an Isiah to relieve the pressure, the NBA will be forced into places that would previously be unthinkable. Other leagues have seen such desperate times before, and that’s why NFL players don’t have guaranteed contracts.

Men are generally praised most for actions that are against their instincts- by doing the things they know will cause them harm, but will benefit others. The difference between a goat and a grenade jumper is that the jumper has to overcome his basic wiring to perform his task. That’s the action of a hero. The goat’s action is actually driven by his instincts and performs his task the same way he breathes air. While it may not be heroic, there should still be some appreciation for something that simply functions the way it was intended– like Rain Man watching the dryer spin. And it’s in that simple appreciation, that Isiah should find his legacy. In the meantime, the financial world, and the country as a whole, unknowingly waits for a goat to perhaps save them from the real, painful change they need.

Scratch All Backs

We've got a more substantive post coming later, and I'm not in the business of posting videos that have turned up already on bigger sites. But these are too amazing, and work too well in tandem, to not waste air out here.



(via You Been Blinded)

(via Awful Announcing)

Takes me back to kinder, more innocent times. For the league, for this site, and for us all.

No Limit Too Long

-If you have a story about how loud My Bloody Valentine is live, leave it in the comments section. Those are the only conversations I seem to be having these days. Based on hours of YouTube research, I've decided none of you would've lasted five seconds in 1991 (see above). Also, All Things Considered, I'm calling you out: Your Will Hermes feature on ATP was obviously using the studio version of Loveless material. We live in a nation of cowards.

-If you want to hear about basketball, go read my latest TSB column, on the subject of Marbury and Europe.

-This blog is hereby suspended until everyone buys the book, and those who have pay my student loan. Only the one.

Basketball is the New Snobbery

Let's talk about sports in politics. Not athletes endorsing candidates, or the need to cast candidates in athletic terms. No, this is the apocalyptic extension of the "he is like me" issue that Dr. LIC treated a few weeks ago. Now, with Palin, we're down to "he is me."

So instead of just peppeting stump speeches with sports metaphors, or, as Obama does, allude to the Packers' loss when in Wisconsin and mention his own Bears misery, these candidates need to throw out the playbook and just talk about sports. Constantly and endlessly. Think about it: First, this election was about gas and corn syrup. Now it's shifted to the apoplectic market which, sorry, is way too abstract and removed from most people's lives. What's the perfect antidote? The National Football League, natch. I swear, if Barack just got up there—during the debate, even—and rattled off ten minutes of non-descript "who's hot, who's not" talk about this year's topsy-turvy beginning, he'd walk away the clear-cut winner. Not just "he watches football, like me," but "his brain is similarly consumed by it."

But of course, it has to be convincing, authentic. And therein lies the hitch. Notice, I'm only talking about the NFL—neither Obama nor McCain can claim a college team of note, unless you count Cindy's Trojans (a net minus?). Plus, as partisan as NFL fans are, they've got nothing on the provinicial trappings of college sports. So good look mentioning any other college team at Ole Miss. . . or finding any other sport that's really real before that audience. That's where the Obama campaign has the edge: Its multi-tiered, situational approach to just about everything could gauge where and when to use this tactic, as well as how much to mention his Bears versus the home team, and what exactly the audience would buy. Contrast that with McCain, whose best gimmick seems to be inserting city-specific Hall of Famers into his P.O.W. tales.



And then there's that tricky issue of race. Look, I know why Obama played up the basketball thing. It earned him cred in the black community, and made him seem young and hip. But even if the sport's no longer highly toxic on the identity politics front, it's still seen as a black game—unless you're laundered by a Big 10 program, or grew up playing in a lunch box. This News One piece by Drew Ricketts is a little strident for me, but it has a Dwyane Wade quote that, while it thrills me, is exactly why Big O's basketball identification could subtlely drag him down:

Wade: Wooooowww.... One thing about Obama is that he has his own style... and that's what we love. He's not the typical presidential candidate. Anyone else who's been in office before him knows that. He's not afraid to showcase his style. He loves to play basketball. He hoops and that's how he stays in shape. He doesn't run on a treadmill. You can go on and on about the arguments of policy and experience, but at the end of the day, hopefully he becomes our president. We'll all be better for it.

All I'm saying is, that's not going to hit voters the same way "that call sucked" is. It might even come across as alien or alienating. So while sports could win this election for someone, in Obama's case, it's going to involve some back-pedalling on his First Baller image. Or least an attempt to reach across the aisle and show that this kind of relationship with sports dones't mean he's shut out of discussing just what's going on with Favre on the Jets. Also, never mention the Chargers. Yeah, on second though, Big 10 alum seems almost as important as religious background when picking national candidates. Because that's what the people are buying: Not an echo of themselves, or someone who feels their pain, but someone who isn't about to feel joy or pain over that high-falutin' stuff outside their purview.

I could see Obama comparing the Bears QB situation to Bush's advisors, or McCain conflating Michael Vick and Jason Campbell. The smart move, though, is to leave all politics and policy behind. Just turn this into a contest to see who can talk sports better. Not more knowledgeably, or passionately, but just who can prove how much football they're really made of.



Also, fuck this.

EDIAL, 9.22.08

The tourney ends, and thus, we remember another tradition.

-Ready for Obama Jewish Semiotics #44757345? Turns out Michelle has a rabbi in the family, a cousin who trained in a sect, but was then vetted and accepted by the white Jew establishment. Here's the full story about RABBI CAPERS C. FUNNYE, JR. I'd been preparing a taxonomy of Black Jews, including some sort of authenticity index, but didn't feel like getting in a fight over the Lemba. So suffice it to say that, even if the Ethiopia thing is not quite literal, this guy's not hanging in Times Square or part of a certain hilarious Miami cult.



-More Barry: In a Times piece on Obama, the teacher, the following passage explains, well, everything about everyone:

Obama’s rootedness in the real world shaped every aspect of his teaching. He laced his lectures with basketball analogies. When a student observed the death of Jam Master Jay of the hip-hop group Run-DMC by wearing the group’s trademark tracksuit to the racism seminar, Obama acknowledged the gesture with a nod and a smile. (“I can assure you, that would not have been a common response among the faculty at the University of Chicago,” Joshua Pemstein told me.

-Ladies and gentlemen, Joshua Pemstein today

-Although the first sentence of this New York Times article about football players wearing wristbands around their biceps actually mentions basketball, the author fails to mention the man who most likely started this trend--NBA strongman Ben Wallace. Ironically, Stern cited the NFL as a model when he outlawed wearing wristbands on the biceps a couple years ago.



Possibly the first footage of Dr. J as a pro (at all?), from one of those fabled NBA/ABA exhibitions, no less. Erving enters off the bench and while he's not exactly dominant, there's that sense that he—and a lot of the ABA players, in fact—have seen things that the likes of Oscar and Wilt just haven't. Not saying they're better, even though they go on a run in this clip. But this isn't sloppy street vs. button-down expertise, it's the great unknown pushing up on the powers that be.

Presidential 21 Tourney: FINALS

All that came before.

Round 5 results (Final):

(1)LBJ 21, (1)Lincoln 17

Johnson gets last laugh; wins title in classic post battle with Lincoln

Based on the arc of each player throughout the Tournament, many anticipated the championship game between the hulking Democrat Johnson and the lithe Republican Lincoln to be a broader referendum on power vs. finesse, on the big man of the past vs. the big man of the future; what materialized, however, was a very traditional-looking contest as the two talented players clashed in the post. Lincoln made it a contest, but Johnson played a controlled game to deny the brilliant Republican the 21 title.



Johnson’s game plan was clear from the beginning. Upon getting the ball for the first time, he dipped his shoulder and powered to the goal for two, dropping Lincoln in the process. Johnson was extremely amped, and this excitement may have been responsible for him missing a few easy layups. Nevertheless, Johnson used his size and his positioning to race out to a 7-0 lead.

Lincoln seemed to take Johnson’s plan of attack as a personal challenge. Though initially pushed around on defense, Lincoln quickly began to use his wingspan and leaping ability to contest everything Johnson put up. Furthermore, instead of playing on the outside and shying away from contact on offense, Lincoln went right at Johnson down low. The lanky Republican flashed a myriad of sweet low-post moves to give him some space against his larger opponent. This fearlessness and footwork helped Lincoln pull even with Johnson.

But with the contest knotted at 13, Johnson kicked it into another gear. While he was patient and poised on the block, he moved with urgency and displayed some impressive footwork of his own. Johnson closed out the game at the line, and then fell to his knees, smiling and crying simultaneously. Lincoln was clearly dejected, but he was gracious in defeat. After allowing Johnson a moment to drink in his victory, Lincoln went over to congratulate his opponent, and then shared a joke that made Johnson unleash a belly laugh that shook his entire frame. Given how hard Johnson fought to win this Tournament, no one could blame him if he never stopped laughing.

Presidential 21 Tourney: Round 4 Results

Click here for prior results, and at TSB, my token Beasley post. Howard, Arenas, Beasley. . .it's like the man up above is trying to force us to stay current.

Round 4 results:

(1)LBJ 21, (1)Harry Truman 18

LBJ rallies to beat Truman in memorable Democratic final

Today Lyndon Baines Johnson earned the right to play for the championship. To say that he merely overpowered his competition on the way into the final would be misleading. While he definitely capitalized on his advantage in size and strength, he also employed smart game plans to overcome his competition. Nowhere was this more apparent than in his 21-18 comeback victory over Harry Truman earlier today.



Truman’s range and speed gave him the early advantage. Because Truman hit two outside shots to start the game, Johnson was forced to extend his defense. When Johnson reluctantly came out of the paint, Truman took him off the dribble for an easy hoop to go up 11-4. Johnson adjusted, however, and scoring became more difficult for Truman thereafter. Shaking off his Round 3 sluggishness. Johnson had a spring in his legs that he hadn’t shown in the earlier rounds determined to contest every single shot that Truman launched, Johnson draped himself over Truman, but in a controlled manner. Truman never lured Johnson off his feet, despite numerous pump fakes.

With Truman under control offensively, Johnson committed himself to playing catch up. Johnson scored a string of points by backing Truman down to the post after checking up or clearing. Johnson took his time on the blocks, maneuvering himself until he hit reached his comfort zone and put in easy ones from close. Sensing that Truman’s legs were weakened by his futile defensive efforts in the post, Johnson stopped going out to defend Truman’s outside shots, which stopped falling anyway. For the winning basket, Johnson caught his own rebound that had rocketed off the rim to just outside the right block, turned his back to the hoop, took one hard dribble into the lane, then put in a runner off the glass.



Awaiting Johnson in the final is Abraham Lincoln, whose growth in this Tournament has been nothing short of a revelation. Lincoln knocked off the mighty Ronald Reagan to advance to the championship game, but he will have his hands full against the larger, stronger Johnson.

(1) Lincoln 21, (1)Ronald Reagan 18

Lincoln prevails in epic game with Reagan

Despite having a remarkable game (or perhaps because of it), Ronald Reagan simply added to the legend of Abraham Lincoln, who has been playing out of his mind since his lackluster performance against Gerald Ford in the opening round. In a game that several have dubbed this the real championship, the two Republican finalists did not disappoint, staging an epic match that people will be talking about for years to come. This contest was all about two men playing at the height of their abilities. Both men played with style, but it was always in service to the end of scoring or defending. The game was played at a blistering pace, yet the action seemed to unfold in slow motion.



Reagan took the early lead on a long jumper from the right corner and a lovely lefty teardrop. Reagan’s head fakes and jab steps kept Lincoln slightly off balance, just enough to get his shots off over his taller opponent. Reagan’s movements were crisp, but Lincoln stuck with him all around the court. While Lincoln only blocked one of Reagan’s shots—he used his left hand to jerk a Reagan lay up attempt directly out of the air—he altered more than a few. Reagan was so focused, however, that many of them fell anyway.

Lincoln played mostly facing the basket. He utilized his ever-improving handle to get him within 10 feet of the basket, where his jumper was automatic. Lincoln drove to the basket, but only when the opportunity presented itself. In one unforgettable drive, Lincoln launched himself into the air from inside the circle, released both hands from the ball before he reached his apex, and swung his arms down to his sides as the shot fell through the net. On this play and others, the sweeping movements Lincoln made with his long arms had an almost hypnotic effect.

It was fitting that Lincoln won this game on a shot from outside, because his versatility has been on full display as the Tournament has progressed. LBJ’s victory over Harry Truman in the Democratic final sets up a highly anticipated match up of the two big men with completely different styles and approaches. A very hungry Lyndon Johnson is the only thing standing between Lincoln and the title, but if his victory over Reagan is any indication, Lincoln will be ready for the challenge.

Presidential 21 Tourney: Round 3 Results

As the tournament hits its crescendo, don't hesitate to look back and get your analysis on. Or to read FD's latest on Gil's injury and Josh Howard.

Democratic Bracket

(1)Harry Truman 21, (1)FDR 15

Truman outlasts ex-teammate/mentor FDR in marathon slugfest

Much ink has been spilled about the fact that Franklin Roosevelt was a mentor to former teammate Harry Truman, who had received no formal basketball coaching before joining the team; in truth, the two were never very close, and one could sense the tension between them on the court today. Smoking for the first time since he’s been here, Roosevelt played clinching a cigarette holder in his teeth and twice burned Truman’s arm while contesting his former teammates’ shots. As usual, Truman’s outside shot was money, but Roosevelt kept the game close. Every time Truman knocked down a clutch shot with a hand in his face, Roosevelt would counter by swishing, banking, or rattling home buckets on hard drives to the hoop.

Free throw shooting was the only major issue for each player. Due to missed opportunities from the charity stripe, Roosevelt went back to 11 three times and Truman went twice. As the two traded scores and momentum shifted with every possession, they started to engage in some friendly jawing, which hinted that their relationship was, in fact, amicable. Truman ended the protracted contest by taking the ball down to a few feet inside the left baseline and kissing a mid range shot off the glass. Truman now has date with Lyndon Johnson to determine who will represent the Democrats in the finals.



(1)LBJ 21, (1)Bill Clinton 17

LBJ triumphs, Clinton goes down in embarrassing, sloppy affair

In the Tournament’s ugliest game to date, Lyndon Johnson outlasted Bill Clinton 21 to 17. Rumor has it that Johnson and Clinton attended the same raucous gathering last night and that both were out until dawn. This rumor has yet to be substantiated, but if true, it would explain why both arrived smelling of booze and cigar smoke (among other things) and why both played as if wading through molasses. Clinton and Johnson were visibly winded from the start, grabbing their shorts and rarely wandering out of the lane on D. There were turnovers galore and too many bad shots to count. The listlessness of Johnson and Clinton made for a thoroughly unmemorable game.

The lone spark came when Johnson accidentally tipped in a Clinton miss when going for a rebound. For 5 minutes the two Democrats argued passionately about whether the hoop counted for Clinton. The opponents’ arguing styles could not be more different: Johnson dealt in bluster and profanity; Clinton made his case with careful reasoning. Johnson’s body language was aggressive and threatening; Clinton’s signaled curiosity and sympathy. Their shared sense of humor, however, is what led both men to agree to shoot for it (Johnson ended up winning the possession). Even though he came out on top, Johnson must right himself and return to his earlier tournament form if he wants to survive the next round against Harry Truman, whose huge win over FDR catapulted him into the Democratic final.



Republican Bracket

(1)Abraham Lincoln 21, (3)Pat Buchanan 7

Lincoln continues to improve, impress in big win over Buchanan

Today, Pat Buchanan ran into a runaway freight train named Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln was a defensive beast, getting a piece of just about everything Buchanan put up. When Buchanan countered by shooting fadeaways, Lincoln still got his fingertips on the ball. When Lincoln had possession, he was quite relaxed. He handled the ball with confidence, attacked the rim, and dropped a few 15 footers on the way. Lincoln also notched his first dunks of the tourney in this game. The first was a straight-legged one-hander that put Lincoln up 7-0; the second came with Lincoln up 16 to 3: after Buchanan stripped him twice down low, Lincoln recovered the ball and unleashed a thunderous two-handed slam, pulling up on the rim then smacking the backboard with both hands before landing.

Although Lincoln has looked excellent in his last two games, he has yet to face top-notch competition. That will change next round when he takes on a revitalized Ronald Reagan, who blew out George Bush in the day’s other Republican contest.



(1)Ronald Reagan 21, (2)George W. Bush 5

Reagan routs Bush, will meet Lincoln in Republican final

What a difference a day makes. Yesterday, Ronald Reagan was preparing to go home after being outplayed by Richard Nixon; 24 hours later, he is in position to reach the finals. Of course, this drastic turn of events was made possible by Nixon’s alleged illegal videotaping of Reagan’s practices and first round game. As a result of this alleged transgression, Nixon was DQed and forced to forfeit his win over Reagan. In any case, Reagan made the most of his second chance, putting on a clinic in his matchup with George W. Bush. Reagan’s renewed sense of vigor was palpable; he regularly tugged at his shorts and smacked the ground as he defended Bush on the wing. Reagan kept up the intensity on offense as well, going directly at Bush and scoring largely on easy layups, runners, and short jumpers in the paint.

As in his two previous games, Bush demonstrated a single-minded devotion to his crossover, which, one again, simply did not work. Bush seemed to be merely going through the motions. The once supremely confident Bush looked like a broken player even before there were any points on the board. Reagan will now advance to play Abe Lincoln for the Republican crown and the chance to play for the overall title.

FD Guest Lecture: Something About Robots

Ziller weighs on yet another urgent current event. But don't sleep on the Recluse's take on the Josh Howard situation. Really, don't. Or the ongoing, unspeakably awesome, Presidental 21 Tournament.

Gelf published a keen, damning piece on faux media-driven controversy in the ever-tiring baseball stats-vs-scouts war. ("Ever-tiring" because anyone who knows anything in that sport saw the light years ago. Those withholding belief have become a farce and their denials self-parody. Sort-of like everything about a particular presidential campaign.) In the Gelf post, Jake Rake notes the baseball war has basically moved to a cold phase, with mutual understanding overriding deep hatred despite the lasting media narrative. (I mean, damn, FJM's been dormant almost all fall.) That isn't the case in the NBA, of course, and it never will be. TIMELY NEWS HOOK: Gil.

Last year, no shortage of "scout" types basted Arenas because the Wizards had the audacity to play well without him. It's the fucking Ewing Theory gone mad: if a team is X units of good when player A is healthy, and X, X-1 or X+1 units of good when A is injured, A must be useless, overrated, not worth the currency he graces. Basketball, the most interdependent game in the whole universe ... and we'll leave out players B through E. NEVER MIND that one of the cornerstone pleas of the anti-stat basketball crowd is the nonlinearity and INTERDEPENDENCE of basketball. They argue that you can't measure a player's worth because there are too many variables. But when a player beloved by science doesn't get enough W's, it's all on that player's talent/production/performance. It's a completely two-faced argument.



Is it a secret that the formulas generally adore Gil? Dean Oliver rates Arenas highly. Same for Hollinger and the adjusted plus-minus set. (Berri hates scoring and thus is recused from the matter.) Almost all basketball seamheads consider Arenas an elite efficient scoring genius. So the opposing view from much of the anti-stats crowd -- elucidated so plainly in David Friedman's senseless assault on Gil last year -- is that all those points come at a cost to the team, as if Arenas scoring 30 a night on solid shooting dismisses the grit and effort and team play Washington trots out there when dude's off playing grab-ass with Beau Biden.

The argument aganst Gil from "basketball purists" (that term's loaded like a Kennedy) is that Gil gets his, but does not contribute to the team in any meaningful way. PROOF: the Wizards did well without him. The argument by the maths: Gil gets his, which helps the team. PROOF: the Wizards got good when Arenas came 'round, and basic arithmetic indicates Gil does many important basketball tasks (score, pass, draw fouls, shoot) extraordinarily well, which helps the team. There's no way to prove who's right, insomuch as there's no way to make irrational, anti-reality folk concede to fact when their heart's fixed on a narrative that feels good.

If someone isn't willing to believe Arenas is an amazing talent based on the proof which exists, you'll never change their mind. So really, the best this season of Gil could have provided to we of the pasty numberkind who have is an appendix of truth, a fuck-you synopsis of mathematical philosophy. All we lost was the chance to point at the scoreboard during a game without a mercy rule. So Gil's valiant ascent with Caron and 'Tawn to maybe first-round home-court has been dashed, and the thieved opportunity for a minor victory stings. But the war rages on. IN DIOGU WE TRUST.

A High-Tech Lynching, Or An Exercise in Verbal Disenfranchisement

Earlier today, Mike Fisher of DallasBasketball.com wrote a point by point response to Bethlehem Shoals's recent Josh Howard post. In my view, it didn't really add much to the discourse, so I won't bother with a point by point response to his response. But, I did find his other post on the situation, entitled "'Disenfranchised' In Dallas: J-Ho's Latest Diss," to be much more interesting and quite revealing, although maybe not in the way he intended.

I specifically want to address the issue of disenfranchisement, since Fisher uses the word in his title and repeatedly invokes the phrase "the Disenfranchised Black Man" throughout the post. When he first uses it, he actually calls it "the Legend/Myth of the Disenfranchised Black Man." Perhaps I'm being too literal, but the disenfranchisement of the black man is not a myth. It is a verifiable, horrible truth. I am sure that, being a patriot, Fisher knows enough about American history to know that, prior to the ratification of the 15th Amendment in 1870, black men did not have the franchise, or the right to vote. It's probably safe to assume that he knows about the Jim Crow era, during which black men were effectively denied the right to vote, and that this period did not end until the Voting Rights Act of 1965. Hell, Fisher might even know that 1.4 million black men are not allowed to vote today, as a result of felon disenfranchisement laws.

Since Fisher's a Mavs fan, I'm sure he knows that Howard is from North Carolina and that he was raised by his grandmother. He probably realizes that this means that black people were not allowed to vote for a significant portion of Howard's grandmother's life. Indeed, he writes: "Maybe he's got a personal tale of racial oppression. More likely, he's got a personal tale relayed to him by an older relative." Fisher even encourages Howard to "use it" and "express it," but then comes the key quote, the moment when Fisher shows his (white) ass: "But not like this."

Fisher, a white man from Texas, seems to think he gets to determine how and when it's appropriate for a black man to express himself. Not only that, but he also gets to determine who has and has not suffered from racism: "[W]hile racism exists it certainly hasn’t resulted in [Howard] personally suffering too greatly." And he criticizes Howard for being arrogant! An offhand, off-color comment at a flag football game pales in comparison to a white man stating in a public forum that he thinks he gets to decide when racism exists and when it's appropriate for black people to speak. I don't know how well Fisher knows Howard (I'm guessing not at all), but even if they were boys and went bowling together every week, the level of presumptuousness here would still be shocking. And it runs throughout the entire post.

Let's take a look at the full quotation:

This circumstance does not call for a dissertation on the meaning of The Star-Spangled Banner. That dissertation is provided (for free, J-Ho) to every second-grader in this country, and while Josh might’ve skipped that day in school (maybe he was smokin’ in the boys room?) the information is certainly available to him. He might learn that the flag is neither white or black, that while racism exists it certainly hasn’t resulted in him personally suffering too greatly, and that whining as if he’s somehow been penalized by being an American is a insult to citizens (black, white and otherwise) who over the course of the last 250 years truly had a reason to be upset, angry and disenfranchised.

First, given the chronology I laid out earlier, the use of "250 years" is quite curious, since the United States of America didn't even exist 250 years ago, and it's only been 43 since the Voting Rights Act. Yet, in 2008, a white man from Texas is telling people that "the Disenfranchised Black Man act" (emphasis mine) is "tiresome." Also, nowhere have I ever read that Howard feels he has been "penalized by being an American," but it's absolute fact that he's been penalized for being a black American. If one takes even a cursory look at the statistics, one knows this. Black men are far more likely than their white counterparts to be unemployed, to be incarcerated, to be killed, to die of disease, etc. The depressing list goes on and on. But, no one today "truly" has a reason to be upset or angry. It all happened 250 years ago. And I won't even get into the infantilization of framing this as a second grade education Howard is too dumb to process, or the use of the word "whining" (but I will note that Phil Gramm is also from Texas).

Before I end, I want to return to this word disenfranchisement. The right to vote is not a joke. It is something to be taken extremely seriously, especially in the black community, where people literally died (and not that long ago) for it. If Fisher's breezy (and incredibly condescending) prediction: "I’m taking odds that while Josh talks of supporting Obama, he’ll never actually make it to the voting booth on Nov. 4." is any indication, he doesn't get it. Voting is an expressive right, one that Fisher presumably is okay with (although if you're a black man, Fisher would appreciate it if you check with him first), but it's not the only one. Humor has traditionally been one way that black people have expressed themselves in the face of oppression, laughing to keep from crying. It's one thing for Fisher to not be amused by Howard's comment, but it's a far graver thing for him to attempt (even in his indirect, ineffective way) to silence him.

Maybe for Fisher, the flag and the national anthem mean "soldiers-lives-bought freedom," but is it really that difficult to understand that it might mean something else to a black man from North Carolina? Somewhere where the American flag flew for hundreds of years, while black people were terrorized and abused and denied the right to vote. Somewhere where black men still suffer from great inequalities. That it might not symbolize freedom, but oppression? And even if doesn't signify that, that a black man from North Carolina might be indifferent to the national anthem? Isn't that his right? Can he not express that indifference to friends in what, even ten years ago, would have been a private moment?

I want to be clear that I'm not saying Fisher is a racist, but it is apparent that he has, to use his phrase, "visited arrogant foolishness". How willing should we be to excuse him? If we held him to the standard he uses for Howard, he wouldn't make it. After all, the information is certainly available to him. But I'll be generous and turn his advice back on him: Please swap your sense of humor, your Holier Than Thou White Man act and sense of entitlement in exchange for some humility.

Be sure to check in on the Presidential 21 Tournament, still going on below.

BREAKING: Presidential Tourney News

From Gordon Gartrelle...

Richard Nixon has been disqualified from the Tournament. Reliable sources have reported that Nixon violated Tournament rules by secretly videotaping Reagan‘s win over McCain, as well as Reagan’s private practices. In defeating Reagan, Nixon took away Reagan’s preferred angles and generally kept the former movie star off balance. Now it seems there may be at least a partial explanation for Nixon’s brilliant performance. Nixon has filed an appeal, but it looks as if Reagan will be advancing after all. It remains to be seen whether Reagan can ignore this distraction and focus on his upcoming 3rd Round game against George W. Bush.

Presidential 21 Tourney: Round 2 Results

Shoals keeps us current. Gordon keeps us moving with the presidential 21 tourney. Find first round results and an overview of the tournament here and here respectively:

Democratic Bracket


Northeastern Division

(1)FDR 21, (2)JFK 6

FDR defeats injured JFK handily in bizarre wheelchair game

In what will undoubtedly go down as the single strangest game of the Tournament, Franklin Roosevelt eliminated John Kennedy 21 to 6. The strange part? They were both playing while sitting in wheelchairs. The story circulating is that Kennedy somehow hurt his back last night following his big win over Joe Lieberman. It is widely known that Kennedy has long suffered from chronic back problems, but he has been mum about just what triggered this new bout of pain. Just when it looked as if he would have to retire due to injury, as Goldwater did last night, Kennedy proposed to play Roosevelt in a wheelchair. To make it fair, of course, Roosevelt had to agree to play in a wheelchair as well (Roosevelt made it a point to stress that he had never, under any circumstances, been in a wheelchair before today). After some initial hesitation, Roosevelt accepted Kennedy’s offer. But the wheelchair only delayed the inevitable for Kennedy—the pain was simply too much for him to bear: he winced after every shot and change of direction. Roosevelt, on the other hand, looked surprisingly comfortable in his chair, scoring at will against the hobbled Kennedy. Roosevelt’s win sets up a Round 3 match with Harry Truman, who eliminated William Jennings Bryan in the Midwestern Division final.


Midwestern Division

(1)Harry Truman 21, (2)William Jennings Bryan 16

Two late bombs seal victory for Truman

He may not be a showman like his opponent, but Harry Truman had a flair for the spectacular tonight, dropping two huge daggers to beat William Jennings Bryan 21 to 16. Perhaps in an attempt to be taken more seriously, Bryan played conservatively, reigning in the “street” game that has made him so popular. This contest was tight throughout, and Truman didn’t put it away until hitting two clutch shots from deep, both from straight away immediately after checking the ball to Bryan. Truman’s next game, a highly anticipated match with former teammate Franklin Roosevelt, should draw quite a bit of interest.

Southern Division

(1)Bill Clinton 21, (2)Jimmy Carter 16

Clinton all business in victory over Carter

After taking off half the game with his wife in Round 1, Bill Clinton gave maximum effort the entire game, defeating Jimmy Carter 21 to 16 as a result. The game was extremely competitive, and there were multiple lead changes. Early on, Clinton did most of his damage in the paint, but as the game progressed, and Carter’s defense tightened, Clinton began working from the elbows. Both Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter have been said to “play black.” Neither has ever been entirely comfortable with this characterization, but they generally seem to consider it a compliment. As the intensity of their contest was ratcheted up, Clinton and Carter demonstrated why this characterization has stuck. Up 13 to 9, Clinton rebounded a Carter miss, cleared out of the left side of the key, and then scored on a fantastic double pump two hander after a crossover through his legs. Not to be outdone, Carter had an even more impressive a highlight-worthy play. After cutting Clinton’s lead to 3 at the line, Carter checked the ball up, jab stepped, and shot to his left all the way to the baseline. When Clinton recovered, Carter dribbled along the baseline under the hoop, spun right, dribbled back under the hoop, then sank a lovely right-handed fingerroll over Clinton’s outstretched hand. But it was all for naught, as Clinton scored the winning jumpshot on his next possession. Clinton will now face Southern Cracker Division champ Lyndon Johnson for a slot in the Democratic final.


















Southern Cracker Division

(1)LBJ 21, (2)George Wallace 14

LBJ takes down new-and-improved Wallace to fill out Democratic Final Four

George Wallace maintained the newfound energy that pulled him past Strom Thurmond, but it wasn’t enough to beat Lyndon Johnson, who also played with a spark. The massive Texan contested outside shots, drove to the hole more than usual, and even dove for a few loose balls. But like in his first game, Johnson won this one down low. He pulled down a number of offensive rebounds and tipped several balls off the glass to himself until he could get better positioning. And over the course of the game, Johnson dealt Wallace several shots to the back while defending against Wallace in the post. These blows eventually took their toll: Wallace’s legs gave out down the stretch, and Johnson seized the opportunity to end the game. Johnson’s win means that all four #1 seeds made it through to the Democratic final four; in fact, throughout the first two rounds of the entire Democratic Bracket, the higher seeds won every single game.



Republican Bracket

Northeastern Division

(3)Pat Buchanan 21, (1)Teddy Roosevelt 10

Buchanan capitalizes on Roosevelt’s shooting woes to pull off massive upset

In his last game, Roosevelt couldn’t miss; today, in his game with Pat Buchanan, he couldn’t buy a bucket. But Roosevelt was too confident in his outside stroke to give up on his biggest advantage. Trusting that he would bust out of his slump, Roosevelt kept firing, but to no avail: on this day, his larger-than-life game was shot. To create more space on offense, Roosevelt even tried to expand the court, routinely dribbling and shooting from what’s traditionally considered out of bounds. This strategy infuriated Buchanan, who insisted on more rigid boundaries, even though by the conventions of 21, nothing is out of bounds. Buchanan didn’t have an especially great game, but he was persistent; he simply plugged away after every Roosevelt misfire. Given Roosevelt’s cold streak, it was only a matter of time before Buchanan prevailed. Buchanan’s win removes the possibility of an all-Roosevelt final, but more importantly, it gives Buchanan a chance to play Abe Lincoln in the next round.



















Midwestern Division

(1)Abraham Lincoln 21, (3)Dick Cheney 7

Lincoln finds his rhythm against outclassed Cheney

Following his unimpressive victory over Gerald Ford, questions remained about Lincoln’s ability to win it all. Maybe it was the weakness of his opponent, but Lincoln hopefully answered some of those questions in his convincing win over Dick Cheney. Lincoln’s length and deceptive recovery speed really bothered Cheney. On at least six occasions, Lincoln came from nowhere to send back Cheney’s attempted shots, and one time, Lincoln pinned a Cheney layup to the backboard. Lincoln looked better on offense as well. He unveiled a nice spin move and used the glass effectively outside the lane. Although his footwork was still a little shaky, Lincoln made huge strides in that respect. Immediately after losing, Cheney tried to get Lincoln to abide by the same post-21 shot rule that Dole agreed to in the 1st Round, but Lincoln was having none of that. In the 3rd Round, Lincoln will face George W. Bush, who stumbled out of the Southern Division by somehow beating top seed Dwight Eisenhower.


Southern Division

(2)George W. Bush 21, (1)Dwight Eisenhower 16

Bush ineffective, still inexplicably upsets Ike

In a complete head scratcher, George W. Bush defeated Dwight Eisenhower despite being thoroughly outplayed. Bush used his crossover to crush David Duke, but it’s starting to yield diminishing returns. Bush went to the crossover on just about every time he had the ball, but Eisenhower figured it out after a while, smacking it away off of the up bounce on about five instances. When Eisenhower couldn’t do that, he simply slid to the right, positioning himself in front of Bush when he saw that Bush was about to use the move. It’s not clear what was more amazing: that Bush continued to use the crossover despite the fact that it was no longer working, or that Bush managed to win the game given his failed strategy. Eisenhower’s tough game last round may have worn him down. Eisenhower certainly seemed to run out of gas toward the middle of the game, unlike Bush, who had energy to spare. If the last two rounds are any indication, Bush will continue to rely on the crossover in his 3rd Round match up with Richard Nixon, who upset Ronald Reagan in the Western Division final.


Western Division

(2)Richard Nixon 21, (1)Ronald Reagan 13

Reagan stymied by kinder, gentler Nixon; becomes third Republican #1 seed to fall
In a topsy-turvy day filled with upsets on the Republican side, top Western Division seed and prohibitive favorite Ronald Reagan fell to Richard Nixon, who played the game of his life. Nixon’s strategy was masterful from start to finish. On defense, he took away Reagan’s dominant left hand, and on offense, he attacked Reagan on the baseline. Against Reagan, Nixon was a completely different player from the physical—some might say dirty—player that he was against Barry Goldwater. The game itself was awesome, but the sportsmanship that Nixon displayed during the game was even more amazing. There were no cheap shots, no trash talking. Nixon helped his opponent up after every fall and said “nice shot” any time that Reagan scored from the field. In one night, Nixon may have softened his negative reputation. With top seeds Roosevelt, Eisenhower, and now Reagan at home, the tournament is wide open. If he can get by Bush in the next round—and if he repeats his inspired performance vs. Reagan, that seems like a good bet—Nixon will be in a great position to take home the title.

Just a Bunch of Josh Howard Talkin'

I suppose I could see the Josh Howard video (you know the one) as an Artest-like, "enough is enough" moment for me as a advocate. Like you can only defend, or love, or deny, so much when you're not bound to someone by blood or marriage—or hell, even know him at all.

Then I got going with the whole "like I actually give a fuck" thing, the same emotion I felt when, behind the scenes, bloggers were debating the validity—and worth in posting—the supposed Beasley/Chalmers photo. The court of public opinion is of interest to me, but insofar as I'm first and foremost someone who enjoys the league, Beasley puffing or Howard not being a patriot just wouldn't bother me that much.

But then I started to think it through: There's the question of context. Howard is definitely emotional about his politics, and a lot smarter than his rashness sometimes lets on. Everything in digital form eventually finds its way onto the web. And Obama's name is in there, which pretty much requires someone step in and untangle the web of meaning. If there's one thing I've learned from this political season, it's that you can never assume, or expect, too little.

So here are the official FreeDarko Talking Points on the Latest Josh Howard Matter:

-There was humor to it. It was uttered in front of a video camera before a flag football game, in a mood best described as "goofy"

-I am not suprised that some African-Americans have some animosity toward the United States of America. Are you?

-Millions of dollars doesn't change certain feelings, at least in people who cared deeply about them beforehand. If Howard had been angry, and wasn't now, we'd call him a sell-out.

-There are some things that you say among your own, that you wouldn't necessarily say in mixed, or more formal, company. Are we all non-stop liars and deceivers, hiding our true selves and living under frost?

-No shit Obama's support in the black community benefits from widespread frustration therein. Rage, even. That doesn't mean, though, that Obama himself is made of black rage. That's what we call a syllogism, and it's faulty.

-Yes, for athletes and celebrities there's no such thing as private anymore. Everything in a digital format will eventually find its way onto the interwebs. Josh Howard forgot that, and it's only going to add to his woes.

-But it's not like other athletes don't say, or feel things like this. And while you can say that they should keep it to themselves, and leave it out of the workplace, is the problem Howard's mouth or his attitudes?

-So ridicule Howard if you will, or praise him. Call him a buffoon, a throwback, or an inadvertent combination of the two. It's up to you whether this is an embarrassing gaffe or a damning utterance, a gotcha moment or some loaded shit-talking. All I know is that, if this surprises you at all, you don't know much about this country. Or about Josh Howard's inability to reconcile straight talk and public relations.

-Howard needs to sit down with Barkley. If Barkley would even be possible these days. Maybe John Thompson, for this more subtle age.

-Bottom line: Josh Howard is that player who speaks up. If you bitch about the post-MJ blandness of LeBron and, more recently, Melo, then stand up and think about this situation all its sloppy, inflammatory imperfection.

Presidential 21 Tourney: Round 1 Results

We continue yesterday's madness, with your host, Gordon Gartrelle. Again, you can download your presidential madness bracket HERE...


Democratic Bracket


Northeastern Division


(1)FDR* 21, (4)Shirley Chisholm 5

Roosevelt justifies top seed in rolling over Chisholm

Franklin Roosevelt started slowly, but eventually exhibited why he is purported to have a one-on-one winning streak over a decade long. Chisholm, for her part, proved to be a fighter, never giving up and playing hard until the very end, but she was simply overmatched. Obviously, Roosevelt’s legendary passing skills are useless in this one-on-one tournament; however, today Roosevelt proved that his remarkable upper body strength, exemplified by his forceful rebounding and his brilliant array of long range hook shots, may be enough to carry him through to the final round.

* Note: Roosevelt agreed to participate in the Tournament one condition: that there be no cameras present to document his matches. The committee agreed to grant his wish.


(2)JFK 21, (3) Joe Lieberman 0

JFK puts the brakes on “Joe-mentum,” shuts out Lieberman

John Kennedy passed his first test of the Tournament with flying colors, demolishing Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman 21-0. It’s been reported that Kennedy was furious about not getting the #1 seed, and he apparently took out his frustrations by toying with and humiliating Lieberman. Kennedy looked marvelous, hitting several impressive shots, including a few spectacular reverse layups. Lieberman did nothing to silence those who said he wasn’t good enough to be invited. He never once drove to the basket, and he dribbled with his back to the hoop for the entire game. After falling behind 17-0, Lieberman seemed to start weeping, and you can’t really blame him. Kennedy’s win sets up a match up with Roosevelt in what promises to be the most anticipated 2nd Round game.

Midwestern Division

(1)Harry Truman 21, (4)Jesse Jackson 15

Truman’s win marred by Jackson’s incessant foul calls

Harry Truman was apologetic the first four times Jesse Jackson called fouls; he was annoyed after the fourth foul call; and after number five, he simply ignored Jackson’s calls and proceeded to methodically pick Jackson apart. Hitting from everywhere on the court, Truman punished Jackson for failing to capitalize on the extra possessions afforded by the early fouls. While his on court conduct was shameful, Jackson actually showed flashes of brilliance, especially on defense. He showed some hustle and even picked Truman’s pocket a few times. On offense, however, Jackson routinely failed to get separation, which might explain his foul calls. With the win, Truman will go on to face the flashy William Jennings Bryan, who defeated upstart Barack Obama in the other Midwestern Division game.
























(2) William Jennings Bryan 21, (3)Barack Obama 18

Late free throw miss dooms Obama against showboating Bryan

In an immensely entertaining contest, William Jennings Bryan survived a near-flawless game from Barack Obama to beat the Illinois Senator 21 to 18. Obama’s lone mistake was a big one: missing a free throw after going up 20 to 15. The miss sent Obama back to 11 and gave Jennings new life. After his huge miss, Obama still almost won. He outscored Bryan 7 to 2 before Bryan scored the last 4 points. Overall, Obama played a well-rounded game indeed: his pestering defense, solid ball handling skills, and lethal mid range pull up jumper were on full display. Bryan, however, provided most of the fireworks. A wizard of trick shots and dazzling handles, Bryan hit more than a few unbelievable circus shots, shouting that he was “The People’s Champ” after sinking every one. Bryan’s win sets up an intriguing match up with top seed Harry Truman. Their contrast in styles—Bryan the showman, Truman the fundamentally sound opportunist—should make for a memorable Division final.



















Southern Division

(1)Bill Clinton 21, (4)Hillary Clinton 16

In “Love and Basketball” match up, Slick Willie comes out on top

At first, Bill Clinton took his wife lightly: not going after rebounds, shooting one handed free throws, letting Hillary go to the hole, and smiling all the while. It was apparent that Senator Clinton did not appreciate her husband’s patronizing play, but she scored at every opportunity. When Hillary scored five straight on an uncontested layup and three banked in free throws, Bill found himself down 16-12. After that, Bill’s entire demeanor changed. Not only did he stop smiling, he started blocking every shot that Hillary took, and he began swinging his elbows after every rebound. He made it absolutely clear that he was the better player. And for a moment, Bill actually seemed to enjoy humiliating his wife. After scoring the winning points, Bill bit his lip and gave his wife the thumb point, and then the two shared an icy embrace.





















(2)Jimmy Carter 21, (3)Al Gore 14

Carter solid in victory over Gore

This one was not as close as the score indicated. “Leaden” is the only word to describe Gore’s game; it’s a wonder that Golden State didn’t draft him in the ‘90s. By contrast, Carter was a blur, at times appearing to glide across the floor. While Gore didn’t really provide much of a challenge, Carter has a lot of room to improve. He didn’t hit one outside shot, instead relying on his quickness to get to the basket. Carter was somewhat reckless with the ball, losing it several times, but beating the lurching Gore to the loose ball. He’ll certainly need to be more disciplined if he wants to hang with Bill Clinton in Round 2. You can bet that Clinton won’t be fooling around from here on out.


Southern Cracker Division

(1)LBJ 21, (4)Woodrow Wilson 8

LBJ outmuscles, stymies Wilson, 21-8

Woodrow Wilson simply seemed out of his element. Abused in the post, pushed out of the lane, and muscled out of rebounds, Wilson seemed to be looking around for help defense. Lyndon Johnson’s bruising style was a sight to behold. On one memorable play, Wilson hurled himself fell speed into Johnson. Johnson lowered his shoulder and sent Wilson tumbling 20 feet backward. While Johnson is powerful, it’s no secret that he doesn’t move particularly well. We’ll see if that becomes an issue next round vs. the lively George Wallace, who took out his fellow Dixiecrat Strom Thurmond in the earlier game in the Southern Cracker Division.



















(2)George Wallace 21, (3) Strom Thurmond 9

Wallace wins the battle of the Dixiecrats due to key shift in strategy

In the early going, both George Wallace and Strom Thurmond employed a conservative, flat footed approach marked by stationary, behind the head set shots. Using this approach, Thurmond went ahead 7 to 5 after 2 hours of play. Wallace saw the writing on the wall: he began attacking with a more aggressive, vertical offensive assault, which ultimately allowed him to win the game using a 16-2 run. While Wallace decided to change up his game, Thurmond stubbornly stuck with his 1950s game—this despite rumors that he plays a modern game in the privacy of his own back yard. Had Thurmond swallowed his pride, perhaps he’d be moving on to face LBJ instead of Wallace.

















Republican Bracket


Northeastern Division


(1)Teddy Roosevelt 21, (4)Nelson Rockefeller 8

Sharpshooting Roosevelt too much for defensive specialist Rockefeller

Nelson Rockefeller came in to the Tournament known for his lockdown defense and not much else. Roosevelt, of course, is famous for his incredible offensive arsenal. Something had to give. In this match up, offense trumped defense. Roosevelt was lights out, taking all but two of his shots from deep. Rockefeller actually played solid D, but T.R. was just feeling it—no one could have stopped him on this night. Roosevelt faces pundit Pat Buchanan in Round 2.

(3)Pat Buchanan 21, (2)Bush Sr. 14

Buchanan upsets Bush 41with low post dominance

Pat Buchanan took full advantage of his size advantage over George Bush. Buchanan scored all of his field goals on the right block. While his moves were somewhat predictable, especially his head-fake up and under and his baseline fadeaway, they worked for this game. George Bush’s loss eliminates the possibility of the father-son Bush contest, so for now, Sr. can devote all his energies toward rooting for Jr. Although Buchanan should be thrilled with his win, the victory places him in the unenviable position of having to play the hottest man in the tournament, Teddy Roosevelt.


Midwestern Division

(1)Abraham Lincoln 21, (4)Gerald Ford 18

“Honest Abe”avoids upset; ekes out victory over unlucky Ford

Gerald Ford nearly pulled off the upset of the Tournament, taking #1 seed Abraham Lincoln to the wire before losing 21 to 18. Ford should have won this game. He twice had to go back to 11 after squandering opportunities to win. The second time, Ford went to the line with the score tied at 17. He sank 2 free throws, meaning that he had to miss the third on purpose in order to ensure that his next field goal didn’t take him back to 11. Yet Ford, rattled in the free throw, despite trying to miss. Such lapses were common for Ford. For instance, he gave away two separate possessions by failing to clear the ball after a Lincoln miss, and Lincoln scored after both. Ford’s mental mistakes and bad luck overshadows how talented a player he is. Ford dominated most of the game on his natural athletic ability. Lincoln, on the other hand, looked extremely awkward. He shot half of his shots off of the wrong leg and most of his layups were weird two-handed scoops. In no way did Lincoln look like a top seed, but he has a chance to redeem himself against Dick Cheney, who outwitted Bob Dole in the late game.
























(3)Dick Cheney 21, (2)Bob Dole 0

Cheney’ upsets Dole following mid-game rule change

This was, by far, the weakest game of the 1st Round. Neither player is very refined. Cheney has very little lateral movement, and dole cannot dribble with his right hand. The less said about the actual gameplay, the better. The most interesting part of the game came as Cheney, who trailed 14 to 19 at the time, somehow convinced Bob Dole to agree to a rule change in the middle of the game. Cheney proposed that the player who reaches 21 first be forced to make a 3 pointer in order to win and that missing said 3 pointer should result in the shooter’s score going back to 0. When Dole agreed, he sealed his fate. The new rule placed him at a significant disadvantage given his lack of range. When Dole went up 21-14, he missed the subsequent 3 and lost all of his points; when Cheney went up 21-0, he bounced in his 3, sealing the win. Dole will have plenty of time to think about why on earth he consented to Cheney’s mid-game rule change. Cheney will now take on #1 seed Abe Lincoln, whose stock has dropped considerably since he almost lost to Gerald Ford.


Southern Division

(1)Dwight Eisenhower 21, (4)Douglas MacArthur 19

Two Generals go to War; Ike prevails

Given that he doesn’t really fit the formal selection criteria, MacArthur had no business being in this tournament. Several pundits have offered that his tireless self-promotion is what got him invited (MacArthur’s ubiquitous “D Mac” t shirts and other memorabilia speak to his marketing commitment). Even though MacArthur probably shouldn’t have been here, MacArthur proved that his talent should not have ever entered into that discussion. By playing top Southern seed Dwight Eisenhower so closely, MacArthur silenced the vast majority of his critics. This was a back and forth slugfest with multiple lead changes, hard fouls, and no easy points. Eisenhower broke the long-time 19-19 with a fantastic double spin move and short jumper. Ike will battle George W. Bush in the Southern Division final.
























(2)George W. Bush 21, (3)David Duke 4

Bush burns paper tiger Duke with impressive crossover

All the talk about players fearing David Duke didn’t stop George W. Bush from demolishing him 21 to 4. Bush used an effective crossover dribble to shake David Duke multiple times for easy hoops. In an embarrassing performance, Duke managed only 2 baskets throughout the entire game. Bush must now prepare for the Southern Division final, where he’ll face #1 Dwight Eisenhower, who won a close game against Douglas MacArthur.

Western Division

(1)Ronald Reagan 21, (4)John McCain 10

Reagan soars; McCain crashes and burns

This game was a study in contrasts. McCain was undisciplined, frequently getting burned after gambling for steals; Reagan was measured. McCain frequently lost his temper, cursing himself after every missed play (once he even drop kicked the ball after letting Reagan score off of an offensive rebound); Reagan was calm throughout. McCain missed several free throws; Reagan pretty much won this one at the line, missing only once. Reagan is the consummate professional and the perfect example of how to play the game the right way. Nixon awaits Reagan in the Western Division final, a game that has already been dubbed “The Saint vs. The Taint.”

























(2)Richard Nixon 17, (3)Barry Goldwater 16 (forfeit)

Injury forces Goldwater to forfeit game to “Tricky Dick”

In his contest against Barry Goldwater, Richard Nixon used every trick in the book: jersey-grabbong, yelling during free throws, putting a hand directly in his opponent’s face. Goldwater wasn’t fazed by Nixon’s physical play, though, which seemed to really upset Nixon. After missing a jumpshot from the left baseline, Goldwater suffered a serious knee sprain when he landed on Nixon’s foot. Goldwater was irate, screaming that Nixon did it intentionally, but Nixon denied it and appeared visibly shaken when Goldwater went down. When Goldwater confirmed that he couldn’t continue 35 minutes after the.injury occurred, Nixon earned the right to face #1 seed and fellow Californian Ronald Reagan. Hopefully Nixon’s game with Reagan will erase the bad taste left by this game.

FD/Respectable Negroes/Communal Exercise/GO:

In the midst of political madness and NBA ground-humming, we turn this week to place you in the hands of the fine folks over at We Are Respectable Negroes. Your host is Gordon Gartrelle, who has planned a most devious exercise. Mr. Gartrelle, please proceed...

Welcome to the All-Time Presidential Candidate one-on-one 21 Tournament, a singular event over 150 years in the making. What makes this tournament so special? All of the participants ran for president either as Democrats or as Republicans (a criteria that has rankled a number of 3rd party candidates). Many of the participants actually made it to the White House, but some never even made it out of their party’s primaries. The games are governed by standard 21 rules: maximum 3 free-throws after a made basket, players go back to 11 if they score more than 21 points, no out of bounds, only blatant fouls, traveling, and double dribbles called.


[CLICK HERE to download a bracket.]






















Democratic Bracket Overview

So far, most of the buzz has surrounded the Northeastern Division, where some controversial selections have many fans talking. Selection day was bittersweet for fans of the Kennedy Brothers. John made it in as a #2 seed, but Robert and Teddy weren’t so lucky, despite their strong qualifications. Kennedy fans are especially upset with the decision to invite Shirley Chisholm and Joe Lieberman to the dance, as many believe that the inclusion of these two candidates are based on politics rather than on merit. But again, this division was simply too deep, and we haven’t even mentioned the omissions of Massachusetts candidates John Kerry and Michael Dukkakis. Also watching from home is New York’s Al Sharpton, whose formal appeal for the selection committee to include an African-American Division (comprised of himself, Jesse Jackson, Barack Obama, and Shirley Chisholm), was denied last week. Sharpton is now claiming that the selection committee was trying to send him a message by inviting the other three African- American candidates.

And folks, that’s just one Division. There are a whole bunch of stories in the other Democratic Divisions. Check out the Southern Division, where husband and wife Bill and Hillary Clinton match up in the first round. Something tells me that if Bill pulls this one out, he’ll be sleeping on the couch for quite some time. Then there’s the Southern Cracker Division, pitting segregationist Dixiecrat candidates George Wallace and Strom Thurmond against one another. The Midwestern Division is extremely interesting, with flamboyant candidates Jackson, Bryan, and Obama gunning for the more reserved Truman.

The #1 seeds are strong on the Democratic side: FDR, Truman, Bill Clinton, and LBJ. Any one of them has what it takes to go all the way, but again, there are a lot of candidates looking to knock them off. It should be fun.


















Republican Bracket Overview

And on the Republican side, Teddy Roosevelt, Abe Lincoln, Eisenhower, and Reagan are all in as #1 seeds—a formidable group indeed. Many feel that this is Reagan’s tournament to lose, but keep your eye on the lanky, unorthodox upstart Abraham Lincoln. We haven’t seen much of him to this point, but those who know him say that his nickname is “Honest Abe” because he’s The Truth. I look forward to seeing him in action. Nixon, one of the craftiest candidates ever, could play the role of spoiler. And speaking of crafty, Dick Cheney was chosen as a #3 seed out of the Midwestern Division. Cheney was a questionable choice, as he never formally ran for president. The selection committee decided to make an exception for him, however, given his unmistakable influence on the office and his practical experience as effective commander-in-chief. Another surprising choice is Louisiana’s David Duke. He’s never been considered a major player, but his game has been heavily influenced by the scrappy Democrats in the Southern Cracker Division, so his opponents would be wise not to underestimate him.

Another intriguing potential match up down the road is Bush 41 vs. Bush 43. They’re both #2 seeds: Sr. representing the Northeast, and W. representing the South. How fascinating it would be to see this oedipal real-life “He Got Game” scene played out in this Tournament.

The most notable Republican candidates on the outside looking in are New York’s Thomas Dewey and Rudy Giuliani. The latter made several passionate pleas to be included, based on his handling of 9/11, but it was not to be. And finally, the Clintons and the Bushes aren’t the only family ties here. I have to mention the possibility of an all-Roosevelt final. Distant cousins Franklin and Teddy could potentially face each other for the 21 Title, but each must make it through their respective parties’ tough brackets to make this a reality.

Fill out your brackets, people, and we’ll see you tomorrow for Round 1.