3.29.2010

Tfeht dna Evol

hanging-gardens-of-babylon

I fell asleep and drooled on my keyboard and it made this. But for more serious writing, check out my latest FanHouse column on where the fuck these point guards came from.

Remember how Obama was elected President, and race no longer mattered in America? Here's some proof of that: West Virginia, coached by Bob Huggins, stocked with your usual Huggins players, is the latest underdog to inspire us all by taking the piss out of some uppity bunch of future lottery picks. Take that, John Wall. You were shut down, and while those lazy pros who would never heed a coach's scheme won't do it, West Virginia did. That's a mark of shame you'll bear forever. You couldn't take it to the limit, you are mortal, and your whole career will be a sham. DeMarcus Cousins, big dude, you can't handle the triple-team. But they won't throw that at you in the pros because they don't have the heart. Or too much ego. Those two are opposites.

Okay, let me stabilize myself, this boat is awfully rocky on the high seas of knowing what I need and want. West Virginia. What state says America more than that one? They've had the shit shot out of them for striking (I've seen Matewan for the acting!) and otherwise just die in the mines. But they keep on. Just like those Mountaineers. They refused to quit. You know why? Because they didn't need the NBA. They knew they might be playing the last game of their college careers. And since they were Huggins guys, they weren't getting a degree, either. Some might say "oh, they are just a bunch of wannabe NBA players, how can they be so noble?" The answer? They saw the light. They might as well be white people, the way they put Kentucky in their place. No way Ebanks declares this year, he's got unfinished business—and real men take care of business.

Coach Cal, shut the fuck up. Huggins made his team work, and drew up the X's and O's to make you sweat. Fucking Italian. Go back to Africa with your fucking team. I have to say, I never liked the Bearcats, or whatever the mascot of K-State is. But Huggin is the real deal. Appalachia is the heartland, just higher in the air. God's country. You lead a horse to water, but in the end, you need a real cowboy with his hands on the pump. Who was that black dude at the Tea Party rally? He was post-racial America. Go Mountaineers.

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25 Comments:

At 3/29/2010 5:22 PM, Blogger JTExperience said...

As long as coach K and his little band of Hitler Youth don't win, I'm good with it.

 
At 3/29/2010 5:23 PM, Blogger bob said...

Pretty sour shit coming from the Capt of the John Wall D***riders Express. Way to go WVU, you were the better basketball TEAM. Also, FWIW most of the Mountaineer's squad is from NYC

 
At 3/29/2010 5:25 PM, Blogger amarestoudemaxo said...

Duke / Butler is my national nightmare. BABYFACED ASSASSIN AGAINST PAULUS 2.0

 
At 3/29/2010 5:38 PM, Blogger Grace said...

The narrative is always the problem. At least the undertones of the narrative. Especially when it comes to MM. How does one watch the tournament without a certain WWE tickle at the back of your neck?

 
At 3/29/2010 5:39 PM, Blogger Tom said...

FreeDarko and EDSBS are far and away the two most well-written sports blogs out there. That said, you're absolutely off your rocker if you think this is about race. I can't presume to speak for all of America, but I feel the reason why most people hate Kentucky--at least, the reason *I* hate Kentucky--has absolutely everything to do with John Calipari and Worldwide Wes and has nothing to do with the transcendence of Wall. I don't like cheaters, and I don't like Cal. Any time I get the opportunity to see him get his comeuppance, I revel in the moment.

On the bright side, Kentucky can't get a Final Four stripped from them this year. So there's that.

 
At 3/29/2010 5:44 PM, Blogger Grace said...

Because Huggins hasn't left a program in shambles in over 2 seasons, Tom? The whole process is filthy. Words like TEAM (bob) make a player like Wall out to be a selfish punk who needed a lesson, he needs self control or whatever cliche'd phrase you want to throw out.

 
At 3/29/2010 5:56 PM, Blogger Dylan Murphy said...

It was good for college basketball that Kentucky lost. One and done doesn't work out (sometimes). But who would be the leader of the Hitler youth, Scheyer, the captain, or Singler, who by far looks the most Naziesque?

 
At 3/29/2010 6:03 PM, Blogger Ors Kowalski said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 3/29/2010 6:19 PM, Blogger Shakey said...

Awesome rant! WV had my heart in a fist.

 
At 3/29/2010 6:42 PM, Blogger bob said...

@Dylan : Scheyer is Jewish, happy Sader.

@Grace: I'm sure you play a ton of basketball. John Wall is not a selfish punk, just won't be putting in the time at Kentucky to LEARN the pointGOD position.

 
At 3/29/2010 6:50 PM, Blogger Grace said...

@bob I love that t-shirt. I'd rather Wall learn the position of NBA pointGod in the NBA. and I do play a whole lot of basketball.

 
At 3/29/2010 7:02 PM, Blogger Mouth said...

I play a lot of basketball and all I know for certain is that I never think about race when I'm playing it.

Pre-Obama, now -- it never has crossed my mind. I even have trouble keeping score in pickup games b/c I just don't think about anything but the guys in front of me.

I'm glad I'm not you people.

 
At 3/29/2010 7:17 PM, Blogger Bhel Atlantic said...

I thought it was funny that Calipari wore a beautiful suit and Huggins wore some sort of sweatshirt. Oops, I guess I sound like the putative speaker in Shoals's narrative.

Watching WV stymie Kentucky with triple-teams, I was reminded of the Gladwell article about the press as a defensive strategy. We saw with Rick Pitino that this can't work against NBA players (and you can't motivate for long your own players to employ it). One would think that the Kentucky guys, being all athletic and all, could break the press. What happened?

 
At 3/30/2010 11:02 AM, Blogger MC Welk said...

Klosterman has an interesting take on race and Duke in this Simmons podcast: http://podloc.andohs.net/dloadTrack.mp3?prm=2864xhttp://a.espnradio.com/podcenter/sportsguy/simmons100305b.mp3

 
At 3/30/2010 11:14 AM, Blogger Andy said...

I found myself cheering for West Virginia in this game -- and I truly think I'm being honest with myself -- not because of race, and certainly not because of Huggins, but because I was struck again by how pathetic a coach Calipari is. I would wager that anyone who reads FreeDarko knows how to attack a 1-3-1, but Cal seemingly doesn't. Most of us know the importance of stopping the ball, even when it's being dribbled by a one-armed backup point guard. And, in the case of John Wall, most of us would listen to what Rod Strickland is saying to us. The man was in the league for 16 seasons.

 
At 3/30/2010 11:33 AM, Blogger W2 said...

Not handling defensive pressure is the calling card of this tourney.

 
At 3/30/2010 2:35 PM, Blogger Kellen said...

No one going to bring up Adolph Rupp in a conversation about Kentucky, race, and narrative?

 
At 3/30/2010 3:46 PM, Blogger spanish bombs said...

I feel like you often confuse fandom with mediadom. Real people don't think these things!

 
At 3/30/2010 5:12 PM, Blogger Silas said...

Maybe you just shouldn't watch college basketball.

I say this in the same way that I might say "maybe you just shouldn't drink."

I'm sorry that college basketball is the dominion of old white men who use it to reinforce their illusions about how the world works, but... I don't like you like this.

 
At 3/30/2010 6:49 PM, Blogger joseph said...

There is something wrong with my internet. I can't find the part where Shoals said that race alone strictly determined which team you prefer. I'll check again later.

 
At 3/30/2010 7:08 PM, Blogger tray said...

I mean... WVU's best players are... black... and the coaches of BOTH teams are... white, so... the argument is that there are these racist folk cool with subservient system-running black players who aren't that talented but not so much with legitimate NBA athletes who, while they play (on offense) at least fully within the restraints of the system, are a bit flashy? I mean, sure. But this is kind of like in math where, you know, you deduct common factors from both sides of an equation. You can make this same argument - pro-WVU sentiment is a function of anti-flash, pro-basketball-dullard views - without race entering into it. Besides I don't exactly think anyone is rooting against Wall. Cousins, maybe, but one can certainly see why when the college player he reminds a lot of people of most is Derrick Coleman.

 
At 4/06/2010 11:14 AM, Blogger Mars Sunshine said...

tray, Post-Racial America, tray

Brilliant piece. If the College tourney was 16 teams, best of three series, people would LOVE it, and the best teams would win. Not gimmicks.

Unfortunately that would mean less teams and more firings.

 
At 4/06/2010 11:18 AM, Blogger Mars Sunshine said...

Post Racial America, Tray

Obama's America, Tray

The joke is the NCAA needs to make it a 16 team tourney cut the terrible conferences, I'm looking at you D.U. and do best of 3 series for four rounds.

Then we'd see more than gimmicks and strategy.

And Coach K you should be ashamed of yourself. Winning with Players is so last decade! I don't care if they're White!

 
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