We All Mourn in the Right Way
Bethlehem Shoals: The dreads are gone. But does the spirit live on?
Eric Freeman: I was under the impression that it was a Samson-type deal, in that they serve as his armor from the divine.
BS: I know Luke Ridnour needs the Armor of God to take the court. But is training the Nuggets really that much of a risk to his person? Does JR Smith throw weights around for fun?
EF: I would not be surprised. It's a team of thugs!
Tom Ziller: I think he cut them because he had trouble fitting them in his tanning bed. Or that his tanning bed was cooking them too much. Burning hair smells terrible
EF: Is there not a hole on top for long hair? Tanning bed engineers need to think about their product a little more.
TZ: There is something about the Nuggets that makes cutting off long/longish hair cool. Or Maybe this is a commentary on the death of the Nuggets as stylish. Birdman jumped the style shark, Melo went mainstream ...
EF: Has Billups ever had hair? I don't think he even did in college.
BS: He was born bald. He has eyebrows, though.
TZ: I've never seen Billups with hair
EF: He did! Maybe people made fun of his squiggle and he stopped.
TZ: He looks like Penny when he has hair.
BS: Do you think he had to get them as part of being the Nuggets trainer? Like reverse dress code?
TZ: That'd be great. But what does Al Harrington have to do? Billups can get away with the baldness due to respect and prestige.
BS: I never liked the nickname "Baby Al". He always looked 58 to me.
EF: He kinda looks like what I wanted to see at the end of Benjamin Button: a giant baby.
BS: A world-weary baby? I think that's what I mean?
EF: I would expect a giant baby to be world-weary.
BS: Not if it were brand new.
TZ: Yao weighed like 13 pounds at birth. That's almost a bag of cat litter. Wait, maybe Hess is trying to catch on with the Heat.
EF: Isn't that team basically going to strength-coach itself? Or is the strength coach only going to work with Dexter Pittman?
TZ: That's why he wants a job there. He can relax
BS: That's all it takes to audition for Miami? A tan and sensible hair?
TZ: Shavlik Randolph got a contract, didn't he? He has the most backwards name in the NBA.
EF: I think he took his mother's maiden name as his first name.
TZ: From Hess' official bio: "Hess lives to obtain peak performance in his own life." Maybe he bought a convertible and the dreads were creating too much drag.
BS: They are pretty inefficient in general, from a performance standpoint. But not from a maintenance one.
EF: That's why David Lee doesn't have them.
BS: We should make a program where you can give any NBA player a Hess makeover. Like Steph Curry.
TZ: Who needs it most?
BS: Do they get the supernatural powers? Wait. What if all the hair experiments on the Nuggets were part of Hess's "peak performance" regimen? Not any form of cultural expresison.
TZ: Good call. That would explain the abnormally high hair turnover.
BS: It's like that Pistons guy and his water molecules. Follicles and molecules almost rhyme.