We All Mourn in the Right Way

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Bethlehem Shoals: The dreads are gone. But does the spirit live on?

Eric Freeman
: I was under the impression that it was a Samson-type deal, in that they serve as his armor from the divine.

BS: I know Luke Ridnour needs the Armor of God to take the court. But is training the Nuggets really that much of a risk to his person? Does JR Smith throw weights around for fun?

EF: I would not be surprised. It's a team of thugs!

Tom Ziller: I think he cut them because he had trouble fitting them in his tanning bed. Or that his tanning bed was cooking them too much. Burning hair smells terrible

EF: Is there not a hole on top for long hair? Tanning bed engineers need to think about their product a little more.

TZ: There is something about the Nuggets that makes cutting off long/longish hair cool. Or Maybe this is a commentary on the death of the Nuggets as stylish. Birdman jumped the style shark, Melo went mainstream ...

EF: Has Billups ever had hair? I don't think he even did in college.

BS: He was born bald. He has eyebrows, though.

TZ: I've never seen Billups with hair

EF: He did! Maybe people made fun of his squiggle and he stopped.


TZ: He looks like Penny when he has hair.

BS: Do you think he had to get them as part of being the Nuggets trainer? Like reverse dress code?

TZ: That'd be great. But what does Al Harrington have to do? Billups can get away with the baldness due to respect and prestige.

BS: I never liked the nickname "Baby Al". He always looked 58 to me.

EF: He kinda looks like what I wanted to see at the end of Benjamin Button: a giant baby.

BS: A world-weary baby? I think that's what I mean?

EF: I would expect a giant baby to be world-weary.

BS: Not if it were brand new.

TZ: Yao weighed like 13 pounds at birth. That's almost a bag of cat litter. Wait, maybe Hess is trying to catch on with the Heat.

EF: Isn't that team basically going to strength-coach itself? Or is the strength coach only going to work with Dexter Pittman?

TZ: That's why he wants a job there. He can relax

BS: That's all it takes to audition for Miami? A tan and sensible hair?

TZ: Shavlik Randolph got a contract, didn't he? He has the most backwards name in the NBA.

EF: I think he took his mother's maiden name as his first name.

TZ: From Hess' official bio: "Hess lives to obtain peak performance in his own life." Maybe he bought a convertible and the dreads were creating too much drag.

BS: They are pretty inefficient in general, from a performance standpoint. But not from a maintenance one.

EF: That's why David Lee doesn't have them.

BS: We should make a program where you can give any NBA player a Hess makeover. Like Steph Curry.

TZ: Who needs it most?

: Do they get the supernatural powers? Wait. What if all the hair experiments on the Nuggets were part of Hess's "peak performance" regimen? Not any form of cultural expresison.

TZ: Good call. That would explain the abnormally high hair turnover.

BS: It's like that Pistons guy and his water molecules. Follicles and molecules almost rhyme.


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At 7/28/2010 8:31 PM, Blogger Mars Sunshine said...

You have no idea how much this conversation means to me. Why must the Nuggets run from their true selves?

At 7/30/2010 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"We should make a program where you can give any NBA player a Hess makeover."


Denver Nuggets I-phone app. Take picture of family, hit Dener Nugget App and grandma looks like Birdman and your niece got sleeves and a freshly shaved bald head like Anthony Carter.

This must exist already.Is this how Cuban made his fortune?

Perhaps one could use it on other teams or players. For example, Cole Aldrich gets Mellowed. Just an idea.

I digress.


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