We All Mourn in the Right Way

Bethlehem Shoals: The dreads are gone. But does the spirit live on?

Eric Freeman: I was under the impression that it was a Samson-type deal, in that they serve as his armor from the divine.

BS: I know Luke Ridnour needs the Armor of God to take the court. But is training the Nuggets really that much of a risk to his person? Does JR Smith throw weights around for fun?

EF: I would not be surprised. It's a team of thugs!

Tom Ziller: I think he cut them because he had trouble fitting them in his tanning bed. Or that his tanning bed was cooking them too much. Burning hair smells terrible

EF: Is there not a hole on top for long hair? Tanning bed engineers need to think about their product a little more.

TZ: There is something about the Nuggets that makes cutting off long/longish hair cool. Or Maybe this is a commentary on the death of the Nuggets as stylish. Birdman jumped the style shark, Melo went mainstream ...

EF: Has Billups ever had hair? I don't think he even did in college.

BS: He was born bald. He has eyebrows, though.

TZ: I've never seen Billups with hair

EF: He did! Maybe people made fun of his squiggle and he stopped.



TZ: He looks like Penny when he has hair.

BS: Do you think he had to get them as part of being the Nuggets trainer? Like reverse dress code?

TZ: That'd be great. But what does Al Harrington have to do? Billups can get away with the baldness due to respect and prestige.

BS: I never liked the nickname "Baby Al". He always looked 58 to me.

EF: He kinda looks like what I wanted to see at the end of Benjamin Button: a giant baby.

BS: A world-weary baby? I think that's what I mean?

EF: I would expect a giant baby to be world-weary.

BS: Not if it were brand new.

TZ: Yao weighed like 13 pounds at birth. That's almost a bag of cat litter. Wait, maybe Hess is trying to catch on with the Heat.

EF: Isn't that team basically going to strength-coach itself? Or is the strength coach only going to work with Dexter Pittman?

TZ: That's why he wants a job there. He can relax

BS: That's all it takes to audition for Miami? A tan and sensible hair?

TZ: Shavlik Randolph got a contract, didn't he? He has the most backwards name in the NBA.

EF: I think he took his mother's maiden name as his first name.

TZ: From Hess' official bio: "Hess lives to obtain peak performance in his own life." Maybe he bought a convertible and the dreads were creating too much drag.

BS: They are pretty inefficient in general, from a performance standpoint. But not from a maintenance one.

EF: That's why David Lee doesn't have them.

BS: We should make a program where you can give any NBA player a Hess makeover. Like Steph Curry.

TZ: Who needs it most?

BS: Do they get the supernatural powers? Wait. What if all the hair experiments on the Nuggets were part of Hess's "peak performance" regimen? Not any form of cultural expresison.

TZ: Good call. That would explain the abnormally high hair turnover.

BS: It's like that Pistons guy and his water molecules. Follicles and molecules almost rhyme.

FIN