Wood Don't Bother Me

Here's a track, and accompanying fantasy-vid, from Wayman Tisdale's posthumous The Fonk Record. George Clinton and George Duke are involved. Thanks to Catchdubs for the tip.

I don't have the energy today for a real post, so instead, I'm going to read through the headlines and make a couple of jokes about each one. Also, I want to get back to reading Mark Jacobson's The Lampshade, which might be the best book I've ever read. You should buy it and leave me along for the weekend. Just don't bring it to the gym with the dust jacket on. It's kind of like a personal version of when a certain "history of an racial slur" book came out, and the country learned that you're never as alone as you think on the subway.

-Tony Parker is staying in San Antonio. Have they even played yet this season? It must have gone really, really well. $50 million for 4 years. Royce Young observes that Parker isn't as old as people think; is entering his prime; and might not be as injury-prone as we've come to believe. I don't even know what "injury-prone" means anymore. One appendage? A mental deficiency? Just a badly-made body that nevertheless, was high-test enough to make the NBA? God is weird. I'm just happy that we can stop talking about Parker to the Knicks. Call me crazy, but I believe more in Felton as a distributor, at least in an up-tempo team or off athletic bigs, than I do Parker. Part of my respect for Duncan, Manu, and yes, Hill, stems from the limitations of Tony Parker. His playmaking has always been wanting, although it's improved; he's got no range on his shot; and yeah, he plays off of guys with a far more intuitive grasp of the flow of a possession. How is he so much better than what Russell Westbrook was before he started to get his brains squashed into one single skull?

-From Ken Berger: When the Magic were eliminated by the Celtics last summer, Dwight Howard wrote up a list of perimeter creators he wanted and stuck it out there for all the world to see. What a great guy. This comes out (or back, I don't remember it) in a Berger piece about ... last night's drubbing. The question we're left with is, naturally, what's Howard thinking now? Vince Carter, who was supposed to be that perimeter threat last year, and presumably still now, called the loss to Miami "a wakeup call". The subtext here is whether or not it's fair to consider Vince relevant anymore, and with that, whether he's wiling to call himself irrelevant, take a back seat in anticipation of another scorer arriving. Players do that once the new kid's in town. But before? Ouch. Oh, and I initially thought ""It felt like the entire team landed on the back of my head" was about the pressure of the team's situation; it's really about his injury that everyone laughed at.

Note: I misread that first VC quote this morning -- both when it came, and what it referred. But that only mollifies the situation slightly. Thanks to Tray for pointing it out.

-The Sixers intrigue me. They have a critical mass of useful, encouraging, or RIGHT NOW pieces, at near-every position. But -- questions of rotation aside -- they inspire little confidence. It's not that the team is crowded and tense like steerage. I also have probably not adequately considered the Doug Collins Problem. But can it really be that things are so bad that Iggy wants out (no -- Broussard says everyone botched his original report)? Do they really badly need some sort of #1 to lead the way, be a little selfish, etc.? Can they be franchised by the Rockets management?

-The Warriors, unless Curry is dead this morning, somehow have more personality than in the Last Days of Nellie, while playing much more coherent ball. Guys like Biedrins and Wright seem to have spent the summer getting better just to make Nelson look bad. Monta is now one of the most totally kosher, and digestible, redemption narratives I've ever seen -- NO SACRIFICE. Talk to Eric Freeman sometime about his complicated feelings on Josh Hamilton, then I'll give you my really insensitive counterpoint. Anyway, to sum up the entire team with a tweet I delivered last night, WE ARE THE DORELL WRIGHT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. Now if only my stupid fantasy league hadn't already snatched up the whole GSW roster in the draft.

-Blake Griffin mortal, Clippers demoted. I need to make some time to watch Cousins, once Evans is back. Evan Turner really surprised me against Miami.

Here is a song that is so perfect that it's perfect for any occasion. You could use it at a wedding or a funeral:



It's like every single thing I love about The Band, plus Memphis soul, and I never get tired of it. I wonder how many movies it's been in. It should showed up on This American Life, which probably happens more often than I think. Happy Halloween!

-Stray thought: After reading Kevin Blackistone's column on LeBron's ad, which connects that nagging final line with Muhammad Ali, I'm more confused than ever. Before I read that, I'd decided that "should I be what you want me to be" just didn't match up with every prospective response to "what should I do"? If it's a recasting of the question, then it's a punchline that negates much of the introspection, and willingness to put himself under the microscope, that came before. That Ali reference would seem to support that turn. But it's a Muhammad Ali quote. As KB points out, it's wholly inappropriate; if LBJ did change the world, it was only for very elite athletes.

The real effect, though, is just that of utter, icon-laden, obfuscation. A brilliant ad is ending, needs a flourish ... how about MUHAMMAD ALI!??!? You can't argue with that. Or fail to be moved by it, once you get it. Evoking (invoking?) Ali suspends all discourse. It's vague enough -- or more precisely, disjunctive enough -- that we're left with nothing there but FUCK YEAH SHIT IS DEEP LIKE ALI. Either it's a distinctly Nike-ish (think "Revolution") use of truly important cultural matter to signify, well, something important and deeply cultural by association, one that deflects any conclusion and leaves the ending vague and impressionistic. Or it's just crass. Either way, that last line drifts further and further away from the rest of the ad. They should just re-cut it without that final sentence. Just the shot of him gliding.

That was a lot of yelling. I'm going to read. I don't know why I waited so long to check out Lew Kirton, but here's a good song by him.

Dream Week: Waking Up the Past

FD's Undisputed Guide to Pro Basketball History will be officially released on October 26, but the celebration is beginning early. Inspired, and curated, by Brian Phillips of Run of Play, DREAM WEEK features some of your fastest and most favorite writers trying to crack the mystery of Hakeem Olajuwon and his Rockets.

Sebastian Pruiti was the founder of NetsAreScorching, a blog dedicated to the New Jersey Nets, and currently runs NBA Playbook, a site that uses videos and images to examine the Xs and Os of the NBA. You can follow him on Twitter. Nate Parham covers Seattle-area basketball for SBN Seattle and manages SBN's women's basketball site Swish Appeal.com while fantasizing about the day the Golden State Warriors return to glory. He has previously written here about Allen Iverson and the NBA's treatment of MLK Day.

The video of Dwight Howard imitating Hakeem Olajuwon's moves was a chance to stretch the imagination for those in search of possibilities for Howard's still limitless potential.

But it was also a reminder of just how great Olajuwon was. At 47, he navigates the block more smoothly than many NBA hopefuls you'll see in the pre-season right now. Watching him articulate the logic of his game to Howard shows just how wide the gap is between the Dream and the guy who most people consider the best center in the NBA today.

As Hakeem explains the logic of his game, the Dream Shake that we all remember him for is revealed almost as one part of a process of keeping the defense completely off balance, one that starts with a jump hook and "ends" with playing mind games with opponents' understandings of gravity. This was a guy who approached his face up game as a positional shift from center to small forward. A guy whose footwork was far more thoughtful than instinctual. As such, the Dream Shake was one part of a repertoire that was as gracefully cerebral as that of any player who has ever played the paint.

Of course, it's unfair to compare Howard to an idealized vision of Olajuwon at his best. But as long as we are, though, let's take it a step further: what - if anything - could Howard's Magic learn from Olajuwon's championship Rockets teams?

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Thus far, most of Dream Week has has focused on the Rockets' 1994 championship team. But it's the 1995 Rockets might be seen as the template for today's Magic - with the trade involving Clyde Drexler for Otis Thorpe, the championship trio of Drexler, Olajuwon, and Robert Horry seeems like a stronger comparison to the Magic's trio of Howard, Vince Carter, and Rashard Lewis.

At least on the surface, it would be reasonable to suggest that the Rockets pioneered the Magic's strategy of surrounding a dominant interior presence with three point shooters to space the floor, as John Hollinger described: "Tomjanovich...set a series of 3-point shooting role players around Olajuwon and relied on Hakeem's dominant low-post skills to do the rest."

The 1995 Rockets led the league in three point attempts, well ahead of the field in both the regular season and playoffs. In their classic Game 1 victory in the 1995 Finals, they combined with the Magic for a record-breaking number of three-point attempts, with Kenny Smith setting a record for threes in a Finals game at that time, including a clutch three to send the game into overtime.

That perimeter shooting prowess certainly contributed to the "Clutch City" nickname that the Rockets acquired (though is not, as some might assume, its origin) and has clearly shaped their legacy. However, sports legacies also have a tendency to congeal around those defining moments, washing away some of the fine grain details.

Just as the Howard video reminds us of the full nuance of Hakeem’s game, revisiting the 1995 Rockets reveals a far more dynamic and versatile team than the more methodical legacy we might normally credit a "4 out 1 in" team with. Tomjanovic described their strategy as simple - and to some extent it was.

"We wanna run every opportunity we get," Rudy Tomjanovic told Doug Collins at the time. "We want to post Hakeem or Clyde and when we get doubled we want to shoot the three."

For the Rockets, shooting threes was low on the list of priorities, somewhere behind scoring off turnovers, scoring in the early offense of rebounds, and posting Olajuwon or maybe even Drexler. Yet as "simple" as it was, part of pulling that off to win a championship was that there weren't really pure "specialists" in the Rockets' playoff rotation — skills were distributed evenly across the roster, meaning that all of those players standing around the perimeter were capable of doing more than launching threes.

But when comparing the 1995 playoff Rockets to the 2010 Orlando Magic, you have to start with the centers - not only were they the centerpieces of their team, but each was arguably the best center their respective eras.

Similarities

The biggest similarity comes at the defensive end, as both centers anchor their team’s defense, primarily doing it with blocked shots. During his two championship winning seasons, Hakeem Olajuwon averaged 269.5 blocks each season. Dwight Howard’s block numbers weren’t as high as Hakeem’s, averaging 229.5 blocks during that span. However, they get their blocks in very different ways.



Hakeem patrols the paint, relying on good position. He doesn’t really get sucked out of the lane, and usually finds himself in perfect position. In the first clip from the 1995 Finals, Hakeem spends most of the possession denying Shaq, and when the ball handler attacks the lane, Hakeem simply slouches off of him.

In contrast, Howard relies more on his athleticism than positioning. He can quickly get from one spot to the other, and this leads to a ton of help side blocks. In the clip, he is following his man, but once Darko starts posting up, Howard gets in help position in time to send the shot flying out of bounds.

Differences

Both big men led their respective teams in scoring the years that we are looking at. But Hakeem was the focal point of the Rockets offense, while Dwight Howard was part of a balanced scoring effort. This showed in the way that the scoring was broken down. Olajuwon scored an average of 2094.5 points a year during his two title winning seasons (25.0% of the team’s points); Howard, 1563.5 points a year during the past two seasons (18.9% of the team’s points).

This difference in scoring responsibility is due in large part to the difference between what the two teams tried to establish. The Rockets pounded the ball inside to Hakeem whenever they got into their halfcourt offense. In 93-94 Olajuwon took 1694 shots or 21.2 attempts per game (most in the NBA, more than double the Rockets’ #2), and in 94-95 he attempted 1545 or 19.5 attempts per game (more than double the Rockets’ #2).

During the 1995 Finals, there were instances where the Rockets entered the ball into Hakeem 5-10 consecutive possessions, including a number of re-posts.



Howard doesn’t get nearly the offensive touches as Olajuwon did. Howard was actually 3rd on his team two years ago with 979 shots (or 12.4 a game). Last season, Dwight was 2nd on the Magic in shot attempts with 834 (or 10.2 attempts per game). A lot of it has to do with the fact that Olajuwon might be one of the best offensive centers ever while Howard is slightly below average currently, to put it lightly. However, another reason for Howard getting less shots is that the Magic focus more on three point shots. Dwight does get touches inside, but the clear purpose is to set up three point shots rather than to let Dwight Howard work in the post or set up another posting opportunity:



More specifically, the lack of reposts is a result of Howard's teammates spotting up for shots when the ball gets dumped inside instead of putting themselves in position to make a catch and dump the basketball back in the post (like how the Rockets do in the first clip).

Other than touches, another big difference between the two players was their technique in establishing post position. While Hakeem was a master at getting position to set up his moves before even touching the ball, Howard struggles to receive the ball in a position where he is comfortable scoring.



Look at where Olajuwon makes the catch on this post up: right outside the lane on the block, which is as close as you can get while avoiding the three second call. This gives Olajuwon the ability to make his move from a comfortable distance, and knock down turnaround jumpers (like the one in the above clip) with relative ease.



Howard on the other hand, makes his catches way too far away from the paint. This catch away from the lane is what really hinders his post game. When Howard makes his move, he is too far away from the basket, which puts him outside of his comfort zone to finish. He usually establishes very good initial post position, but he gives it up between the time when the ball is passed and when it arrives, mostly because he relaxes and stands tall instead of staying low and maintaining the position).

The final thing to look at when comparing Hakeem and Dwight’s post game is the actual post moves. . Hakeem's footwork and the vast array of post moves that he described to Howard made him nearly impossible to stop and are the major point of separation between the two.



One of the things that made Olajuwon so difficult to defend is that he could turn to either side and use either hand to finish at the rim. Rather than having a set direction or predetermined moves when he goes to receive the ball, he reads the defense exceptionally well. In the two above clips, Hakeem makes the catch in almost identical spots, but he turns towards the middle on one play and towards the baseline in another.



Beyond the post, Olajuwon's shooting ability made him a very tough guard. As described by Tomjanovic, Olajuwon wasn’t the only post threat – Drexler was a strong second option against many guards in the league. From 10-15 feet out, Olajuwon was more than capable of receiving kick outs in that "reverse" high-low game.

But it was Hakeem's fantastic turn around jumper along the baseline side makes him almost impossible to double. When he makes his catch along the baseline, the only place a double can come from is up top, basically forcing Olajuwon into one of his best moves.



While Olajuwon can select from a vast number of post moves to keep defenders off-balance, Howard basically has two that he relies upon heavily and perhaps more methodically than Olajuwon. The first, is a face up hook move that utilizes his athleticism and speed:



Howard's quickness allows him to be so successful with this move. He also has a pretty nice touch with his hook shot using either hand. Dwight’s second go-to move works off of the hook:



Dwight likes to act as if he is going to go towards the middle, then spin towards the baseline quickly (again using his speed to his advantage), and catch the defense off guard. However, the problem with this move is that it leads to more turnovers since Dwight is putting the ball on the floor more than he really should be:



Yet perhaps a more subtle difference between the two centers that had a significant impact on their teams' performances is their assist rate.

Olajuwon posted an assist rate of 17.2% during the 94-95 season, while Howard posted an assist rate of just 8.7% last season. Given the Magic’s inside-out approach, this might come as a surprise. Yet when Dwight kicks it out, he usually gets a "hockey assist" rather than a true assist:



In the above clip, Dwight Howard kicks the ball out to a player that swings it instead of shooting. So it is often the second pass with the defense recovering wildly that gets the assist on a wide open three.

In contrast, Hakeem was able to pick up assists a number of different ways.



On this kick out, Robert Horry pump fakes, takes one dribble, and knocks down the easy jumper, meaning an assist for Olajuwon. With the Rockets not relying as exclusively on finding three point shots as Orlando does in their 4-out, 1-in style, Hakeem has a number of assist opportunities on the inside.



Plays like that begin to explain what separated the Rockets from the Magic as a unit. Just as Olajuwon's passing ability was what made him such a dangerous first option in the post, what might define their supporting cast as unique is their all-around efficient ball movement.

Comparing point guards

The point guard tandem of Smith and Sam Cassell didn't necessarily do anything spectacular as playmakers. During the 1995 Finals, the point guard rarely penetrated past the three point arc, instead taking a few dribbles and quickly getting the ball either into the post or to another perimeter player. Even though Cassell definitely looked to drive to the basket more often, the role of the Rockets' point guards was generally limited to getting the ball up the court and initiating the offense.

However in not holding the ball long, the Rockets tandem also didn't make a whole lot of mistakes despite appearing less dynamic than the Magic's tandem of Jameer Nelson and Jason Williams. In addition, they made very good decisions with the ball as distributors and scorers, particularly with Smith's three point shooting. The result is that they were statistically efficient enough to fill the roles they played within the Rockets' system.



Even more interesting is that when the Rockets were at their best in the 1995 Finals, they were hardly the three point shooting half court team that their legacy suggests. In their most dominant runs beyond Game 1, this was a team that fed off their defense - both creating turnovers and Olajuwon controlling the defensive glass - and looked for fast break points and early offense before they even looked to post anyone up. In Game 2, they established a double digit lead without even making a three until Cassell hit one with 9:15 left in the second quarter.

Comparing complementary perimeter players

In addition to an emphasis on transition, part of what allowed them to rely less on their point guards once they got into the half court was outstanding ball movement, not only as the logical outcome of having a strong post passer in Olajuwon surrounded by shooters, but also due to very efficient ball handling and playmaking from Drexler, Mario Elie, and Robert Horry. Much more efficient, in fact, than the Orlando Magic's perimeter rotation.



Of note in the numbers above is that even though the Rockets' perimeter players had higher turnover percentages, their assist ratios were significantly higher at comparable positions, meaning that they offset mistakes with successful plays quite well.

Drexler was a much more efficient passer than we might remember him for, capable of both setting up others in transition and kicking out of the post efficiently. Carter most closely approximates Drexler, but while both are probably underappreciated passers Drexler was much more adept at using his athleticism to attack the offensive boards.

Although Horry has become much more well known for this clutch three point shooting, comparing him to Rashard Lewis as "stretch fours" reveals another rather wide gap. In addition to being a more efficient passer and offensive rebounder, Horry's athleticism on the defensive end drew some comparisons to Scottie Pippen. Regardless of how hindsight looks upon the Pippen comparison, Horry was far more dynamic on the wing than Lewis, especially on the defensive floor where he seemed to be everywhere.

The Magic's bench rotation might give them more depth around the perimeter than the Rockets had, but none of them approximate either Elie's playmaking efficiency or his free throw rate. And while Pietrus could certainly replicate what Elie brought on the defensive end, Elie was a better offensive rebounder than every Magic perimeter players except Matt Barnes.

It's also worth noting that one of the most significant reasons for their amazing playoff run as a sixth seed was significantly improved ball control. After finishing the season at 18th in turnover percentage (15%), they were 2nd in the league during the playoffs (11.5%) while also maintaining the league's second highest playoff pace at 92, not exactly markers of a deliberate half-court offense. During the Finals, their turnover percentage dropped to 8%.

The skillset of the complementary players around the two centers separates these two teams as much, if not more than, the individual differences in the post. The Magic simply don't approximate the passing ability of the Rockets as a unit. The Rockets' higher free throw rates at point guard and around the perimeter demonstrates a bit more aggression going to the basket than the Magic – free throws don't often occur from standing around the arc and waiting for kick-outs. With players all over the court capable of getting to the rim and passing to cutting players, the Rockets were not rigidly locked into an inside-out game. Their strength as a unit was to keep the defense off-balance by having remarkably diverse scoring options.

A better comparison?

This begins to bring some clarity to what the Magic lost in Hedo Turkoglu, if that wasn't already obvious. Although comparing Carter, Howard, and Lewis to Drexler, Horry, and Olajuwon appears to make more sense on the surface, the playmaking ability of Turkoglu - and even that of Courtney Lee - made that Magic team far more comparable as a unit in terms of being able to knock down perimeter shots and creating scoring opportunities with ball movement.

Looking forward to 2010-11, perhaps the even better vision for the current Magic might be that 1995 Magic team that challenged the Rockets - they were second in three point attempts during the playoffs that year and far more reliant on their three point shooting. Yet even with that comparison, a young Shaq was a much more effective offensive player than Howard. But if we're looking for attainable goals, it's a much more reasonable short-term bar to reach because Shaq was not near the passer or mid-range scorer of Olajuwon. But that still puts the pressure on Howard.

The clash of two teams with centers surrounded by perimeter scorers was effective because those two interior focal points were lethal scorers in ways that Howard is not yet. Perhaps one could interpret that in one of two ways – either Howard is not a player to utilize as a focal point or the NBA is just a very different place now. One thing’s for sure, though - he's not the only person who would have to step up his game to approximate the 1995 Rockets.

FreeDarko/adidas Super-Bargain!!!!

Some of you may recall the Dwight Howard and Derrick Rose web spots we worked with adidas on. To pass the time this summer, adidas has decided to put some of Big Baby's Dwight Howard art on a shirt.

While the tee's been spotted in the New York store and at this summer's adidas Nations camp in Dallas, there has yet to be an official release. In the meantime, we've been given a limited number to play around with, so here's the special offer: spend $100 or more at the FreeDarko Imperial Outlet, and you'll get one of these FreeDarko/adidas joints before anyone else on your block for one penny. If you want, Big Baby, myself, and any other FD members will sign it for you, too.

Remember, we only have the stock we have, so be sure to check availability before placing your order, unless of course you just feel like buying that Kobe print for the hell of it. Which is always welcome, of course.

When Stations Shift, You Find Your Own

Not that I think it's my God-given duty to size up the Finals and decide who's up, who's down, but you've got to admit that Lakers/Magic does present a certain number of curious proposition. For one, these two are neither mismatched nor equals. It's like they exist in parallel universes. The Lakers, as we all know, as flushed to the gills with ability, but only periodically harness it all. The Magic, well, we didn't realize it until recently, but so are they. And they bring it on the regular. Does that make Orlando overachievers, Los Angeles underachievers, and no one but the Cavs the underdogs? The Magic's has been a season of peaks and valleys, hitting their stride, then losing Nelson, then picking up steam again, then hitting a wall earlier in the playoffs when Howard's identity came into question and Turkoglu was hurt. And now, they're riding high, so high, again. The Lakers? Friday was the first time all playoffs they've looked like the Lakers we expected to see come and visiti pestilence upon the postseason. Now you tell me: Which is inconsistency, which on a voyage of self-discovery and perpetual adjustment?

What's more, while this series doesn't seem to have STAR BATTLE written all over it, it will certainly challenge the "nobody digs Goliath, ya dig?" axiom of the modern NBA. Because, simply put, Howard is love and lightness, Kobe the darkest side of Jordan, the least ecstatic aspects of his game, streamlined and boiled down to something potent, metallic, and kind of smelly. That's not to say that Kobe's still the man we love to hate, just that he'll never be easy to love—in much the same way that Chamberlain, and even Shaq, found themselves troubled by.

Here's some fragments from a piece I wrote this spring on Shaq for a certain well-known web magazine. This was from draft #3, and apparently wasn't snappy enoigh. So sorry, guys. In any case, I think it's pertinent here for describing just how far Howard is indeed with "the new Shaq," in terms of natural magnetism and ability to worm his way into our hearts without making us feel engorged or cloyed by absurdity:

O'Neal wouldn't be the first athlete always angling for the spotlight, or looking for ingenious forms of self-promotion. But compared to, say, the whip-smart expressiveness of Muhammad Ali in his prime, O'Neal is at once light-hearted and uncomfortably deliberate. He excels at spoken spectacle, assigning himself absurdist nicknames (my favorites: The Diesel, The Big Aristotle, and Shaqovic) and making off-color jokes about opponents, like his disparaging reference to rivals "the Sacramento Queens."

From the beginning Shaq saw himself as an entertainer, which explains 1993's platinum rap album Shaq Diesel and film roles ranging from the 1996's Kazaam, in which Shaq played a genie, to 1994's Blue Chips, an underrated look at corruption in college sports that starred Nick Nolte. The more he does, the more control he exerts over his image. And with good reason. In the fraternity of superlative NBA big men, O'Neal stands alone in his non-stop levity. Wilt Chamberlain, Bill Russell, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Patrick Ewing, and peer Tim Duncan, to name a few, were pensive and aloof—and often criticized for it. O'Neal has seemingly spent his entire career trying to break the mold, replacing the towering, faceless Goliath with a hip-hop Paul Bunyan. Shaquille O'Neal may have been Joe Frazier or (young) George Foreman on the court, but preferred the garrulous, daft Ali role off of it.



However, this disconnect comes with a price. Shaq's behavior can get downright ugly when his ego, image, or brand are threatened, since this could send him plummeting into in the annals of large, bitter, awkward freaks. For evidence of this, look no further than the litany of "sidekick" guards who have proved essential to his success: Penny Hardaway in Orlando, Kobe in Los Angeles, and Dwyane Wade in Miami. In the post-Jordan NBA, smaller, more dynamic players are the unquestioned center of attention. Style-wise, they're the Ali's, with inventive games that suggest a richness of personality. Shaq, always the talker in these relationships, always casts himself as the alpha dog, a font of charisma whose dominant play was a matter of fact. At the same time, in each case the other guy was emerging as one of the most exciting, inventive players in the league, leading O'Neal to turn cold and toward them, and however incidentally, move on to another team. [I think you all know how Shaq fell over, and then turned on, Penny, Kobe, and Wade].

Nothing sums up this paradox more than the mural on the bus Shaq brought to an LSU game in 2007: some sort of gangster super-summit, where Shaq presides over Scarface, Tony Soprano, and Vito Corlene, among others. Hilarious, but also quite sinister. Not coincidentally, during his time with the Heat, Shaq was fond of an analogy that cast his Hardaway as Fredo, Kobe as Sonny, and Wade as Michael. Coppola's films and The Sopranos have been defanged by their absorption into pop culture. But watch those movies from start to finish, and you'll realize just how unsettling they really are.

Heavy, huh? Man, been waiting for a while to get that out. I have to say, though, that this series might explode this paradigm, and perhaps summarily frustrate Shaq's grand mission in life. Despite O'Neal's attempt to undermine Howard, or Howard's obvious inferiority as a pure center—perhaps one of the reasons this slippage is possible—Dwight, with his boyish good looks and effortless acrobatics, is that lovable big men Shaq never could be. Yes, we can debate for days when he is in fact a big man, or just a bigger Amare. But the Superman has stuck there without any sense that we're being forced into embracing his might (like how Superman really could have destroyed the world whenever he wanted). On the other hand, Kobe, while he remains the epitomal post-Jordan off-guard, we all know that this trappings of his game have become so methodical, his aura so admirably bleak, that it's transformed the dream-like "as an explosive shooting guard, I will get rings" of Jordan into a optimization of the position so that it embraces as much of the big man rigor as is possible. LeBron is unstoppable, quasi-religious. Kobe is so professional that he's always adjusting, a character who is about as Terminator-like as guards can possibly get. Like when they made the evil robot a hot lady for T3.

That's not to say that Kobe lacks charisma. He has kind of reached that rare, glare-laden apex where, no matter what his game has evolved into over the years, or what its finer points are, fans respond to him as a showman. You and I know, though, that the man is probably replacing his blood, or grafting metal onto his spine, in hopes of turning this positional role into something with the certainty, and even the purposeful vacancy, of the big man. Howrad is so young, it's hard to gauge where he's really headed. But for now, he's a hunk of muscle unstoppable down low who is also so easy to love. And it's Kobe whose human drives and expressions of self seem more of a technicality or, even to supporters like myself, an afterthought in his grand pursuit of basketball perfection. That's not to say he's totally inhuman, on or off the court, but the personality of his position (and by extension, the Good Kobe that has so many fans) is no longer a restriction on how he looks to put together grade-A efforts.



And to turn briefly to one more WTF about this series: Does this tell us shit about the future of the game? The Lakers are by no means a reasonable template for success. Top to bottom, that team is loaded. In ways new and old. What other team can boast one of the league's most promising pure centers, as well as its second-best Euro, and a post-Garnett weirdo—all who may or may not figure prominently into the game-plan on any given night? It's almost like a brief history of the last eight years of the NBA, all on one team. Except that participation by all is optional, or maybe selectively minimal. Put simply, other teams have no chance at copying this one, and that's without even getting into Kobe's embattled, but persistent, standing among the league's elite.

The Magic offer a far more interesting case. They have this big man who is both more and less than the past. There's a chance they stumbled into it, and that the tandem of Lewis and Turkoglu are both essential and came as a surprise. And when healthy, they have an All-Star point guard. This is old worship of height, plus the age of the point guard, plus a kind of post-Euro Sudoku puzzle that only master coach SVG could make sense of in such a non-obvious fashion (and, as Kevin Pelton has pointed out, this team would suck if deployed in obvious fashion). I also pick up a distinctly Pistons-meets-Suns vine int he way Lee, Pietrus, and even Reddick are used, though maybe now I'm just laying it on thick. In short, this team has everything but a Kobe or LeBron, which is a really fortuitous spot to be in. And chances are, any other squad with this roster would screw it up. So we might be looking at an utter singularity here that both bridges and invalidates the entire ferment of conventional basketball wisdom, past and present. In the end, it comes down to the twist you put on it. Traditions and trends, new and old, can tell you some basics, but past that, you're on your own. The question is, what does it take for a team like the Magic to be absorbed, as the Suns were? The Warriors certainly weren't . .

Orlando Magic, just keep being yourselves. History will sort out the rest. As will the results of this series, incidentally.

Baked Alaska

I usually hate the sun, in fact, it places undue pressure on me to love life and makes me that much more determined to hide in the shadows. But fuck it, it's been gorgeous here for three days, there's only so much basketball on, and no one's checking their email. So I'm suddenly filled with spring fever—more like compulsion—and have to get to the water and get my tan on.

Before I run out the door, though, I did want to say a few things about last night's game. Sorry for the lack of frilly language, these are more notes that grew out of post-game conversation:

-I recognize that this Cavs loss somewhat mutes my latest spasms of LeBron-mania.

-That said, it is kind of sad to watch Bron go straight at Howard like the DPOY doesn't have shit on him. You wonder if an angrier Dwight might help here.

-At some point, I began to wonder if the Magic could only win, or at least impress me with a win, if they made a comeback that was . . . ummm, magical?

-Based on conversations with my friend Nate, Kevin Pelton, and my own two eyes, it's become obvious to me: Howard is a monster on offense provided he's in motion. Give him the damn ball, just make sure he's cutting, leaping, or in a position to make one step and then dunk. That's why, even though he could stand to diversity his offense, it is on SVG and other players to see this gives them a tremendous weapon right now. See also Game 1 of this series.

-Someone needs to tell Howard that him stationary in the post is a total dead-end. Unless he's got a total mismatch. When Amare was a raw killing machine in 2004-05, the trick to his success was that he avoided this situation like the plague. Now, Howard will never be able to expand his range, or ability to put the ball on the floor, like Stoudemire has done—the main way he's overcome the obvious limitation of not playing in the post. So who knows what the long-term prognosis for Howard is. But Amare was never as imposing as Howard. There's no reason he can't be used creatively so that, in short, the post is always the terms set by Howard's lateral or upward motion.

-Not surprisingly, Kevin just realized he'd said something like this several years ago:

For years now, Howard has drawn comparisons to Phoenix's Amaré Stoudemire because of how both players have a prodigious combination of size, strength, and athleticism. The comparisons break down at some point, because Howard is a far better rebounder and defender than Stoudemire, but the Magic clearly learned from how the Suns accelerated Stoudemire's development by pairing him with Steve Nash and surrounding him with double-team neutralizing outside shooters.

And also. . .

We're trained to recognize that those kind of outside shooters help beat double-teaming of a post player, a style so popular in the NBA in the 1990s that was perfected by the Houston Rockets around Hakeem Olajuwon. However, the Suns of recent vintage have demonstrated that deep threats can be just as valuable when it comes to running pick-and-rolls. Even though Magic point guards Carlos Arroyo and Jameer Nelson are not on Nash's level, the Orlando pick-and-roll is still difficult to defend because teams can't leave the outside shooters to provide help and because Howard is so good at going up and getting the ball on lobs to the rim.

-KP adds: "The point now is they realized this a long time ago, and then seemed to forget it in these playoffs, either because Nelson/sorta Turkoglu were hurt or because of ORTHODOXY."

-Tangentially related, Rafer Alston is so weird. He's at his best as a straightforward guard. Nothing outside-of-the-box or too improvisational.

-So yeah, despite Joey's earlier critique of Howard, the Magic could be making a lot more of the current situation. And maybe Dwight could stop making me feel so damn bad for him, as LeBron plays like him with perimeter skills.

-It's true, I wrote something claiming that a big game from J.R. was more important to the Nuggets than Billups stepping it up. That probably would've made more sense around these parts. But I would still like to forget it happened.

-GO WONDER PETS!!!!!!!

Some of Where We've Been

By now, you might have already seen the fruits of FD's collaboration with adidas. If not, behold:





I also want to direct your attention to a couple TOTALLY FD columns I wrote yesterday for The Baseline:

-This Gund/Gray/Bron incident was so shriekingly literary, I nearly considered pitching it like I was a real writer.

-I still agree with this assessment of what Kobe/Melo means, even if last night's game hardly followed the script. That was the most graceful, morally permissible, battle of the titans you could get in the NBA. Also, that game struck me as part-NCAA, part-pros. Don't ask me where that intuition comes from.

-Also, don't neglect last night's dream-like lottery live-blog.

Don't hide from your parents!

Oh, and also: IF YOU LIKE THE ART IN THESE ADS, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER VISITING OUR STORE:

Write with Your Feelings

Below is an exercise in conjecture about Andrew Bynum. As you consider it, please also remember to check out The Baseline, where Shoals has been going in all day, every day. Today should be especially good, as Mr. Bethlehem uses his commodious TSN space to write two columns.

Most likely, few people anticipated that the Game would emerge as such a committed NBA observer when he dedicated his career to the lowest-common-denominator rap in which 50 Cent traffics. And yet, it's undeniable. There are so many examples. A few years ago, on "Beautiful Life," Mr. Taylor spit, "Fo'-dot-six Range/Ben Gordon dip game/That's bullshit/I never been to a Knicks game/Or sat inside of Ms. Chang's/But I watched Tim Duncan in the Olympics go for 45 against Spain." Last year, on "Red Magic," it was: "I'm in L.A. Gasol-in'/But when I'm in New Orleans/You can call it Chris Paul-in'." On "My Life" with Lil' Wayne: "Got a Chris Paul mind state/So I'm never outta bounds." And later, on "Baggage Claim," he again name checked Chris Paul (he is always rapping about CP3) before looking to both the past and future in prophetically asking, "What up, Bynum/How's that playoff knee?/Next timeout/Tell Kobe run the play off me."

So, indeed, Bynum, what up with that playoff knee? Well, so far the results have been mixed. But if Sunday was a game about Andrew performing as he can, and as he has when not impeded by those precarious appendages of his, tonight is perhaps a game about whether or not it's even a relevant inquiry. Tonight we find out not if Bynum matters, but if he knows that he is supposed to matter.



The Game (the rapper, not the sports competition) may not be an NBA thought leader. In fact, it's good that he isn't--in some ways, he is a perfect barometer for what matters to the everyday fan. You usually don't get rapped about if you're a nobody. Nobodies especially don't get rapped about by the Game, an MC so hypersensitive about how he is perceived and so self-conscious about his references that you sometimes pity his therapist while also assuming that you and he would find ample common ground. That he would include a reference to a player who has accomplished little and is best known for summoning Kobe's parking-lot ire stands as testament to just how much is expected of Andrew Bynum. Andrew is supposed to matter.

The trope permeating media since Sunday has been that Andrew Bynum is a key to the Lakers' championship run. If he plays like he did in Game Seven against the Rockets... is the condition upon which the NBA appears to now hinge. It's reasoning with roots in Denver's impressive playoff performance, Denver's imposing front line, and the memory of L.A.'s feeble stand against the Celtics in the 2008 Finals. Similarly, Bynum-as-dispositive-element is presented in the framework of which things must occur to allow for the Lakers' success as a team. Lost amidst these analyses, though, is what the Denver series means for Andrew Bynum, not what Andrew Bynum means for the Lakers. If J.J. Abrams were to direct Andrew Bynum's life, tonight would likely be some kind of wormhole in the space-time continuum through which the future could be seen and at which Andrew's present self and future self would converge to determine who would be the real Bynum.

Ignoring its implications for the greater Los Angeles team, Denver is a unique challenge for Bynum because the Nuggets' front court is a litmus test for NBA significance. To this point, Andrew's knee has mattered to the Game because that knee is considered to be the reason why an NBA star has not yet been born in full. Weighed down by the yoke of his much-touted potential, Bynum has titillated his audience with improvement and flashes of dominance when not injured. One could maybe argue that Andrew, in some ways, is perhaps a better version of Dwight Howard, as the former has obvious room to grow and already possesses a broader range of skills. And yet, because of the injuries, and because he has been learning the NBA, Bynum as we know him is not the Bynum for which we hope. In that respect, we'd like him to be more like Dwight, whom we've already seen flourish (albeit with some obvious cause for concern). Now, finally, we get to find out if that injury, that playoff knee, was worth wasting bars about.



Most young players, with few but awesome exceptions, need three or four years to understand the NBA. They need to explore their abilities in the new landscape, they need to identify who they will be, they need to get used to running into the Charles Oakleys and Tractor Traylors of the world (just ask Danny G). To be blunt, they need to learn how to play against grown-ass men. Andrew Bynum needs to figure out if he can play with grown-ass men on a regular basis, and Denver has them. Luis Scola is a solid NBA player, but when you're being called "That Louis Guy" on PTI, you probably have not yet arrived. And in a post-Yao world where Chuck Hayes and Carl Landry are the Tiny Town Twin Towers, you haven't necessarily been prepared for up to seven games with Nene, Kenyon Martin, and Chris Andersen. More importantly, you haven't yet been tested in a fashion that directly imperils or validates your destiny. (That's a real J.J. Abrams sentence, isn't it? How can destiny be changed? If it could, would it really be destiny? This is where the LOST logo would flash across the screen.)

Andrew Bynum will help us understand tonight if that playoff knee matters, and if he's going to realize the meaningfulness which has been taken as an article of faith, as something to which he is entitled. Nene's girth and persistence will challenge him. Martin's nimbleness and ferocity will challenge him. Andersen's hops and energy will challenge him. Andrew will not be able to escape any of it. A hallmark of this Denver team, particularly in the playoffs, has been the gathering intensity that seems to hang over the court each time the Nuggets walk onto it, this building, palpable tension which ultimately is unleashed in almost feral fashion, with a Denver opponent overwhelmed by the onslaught. Bynum will have to find a way to sustain his energy and his focus as this comes bearing down. Failing that, he will have to decide if he both understands and is willing to undertake that which is required to consistently perform at the heightened level of execution demanded by the playoffs and the attendant greatness which they extract. Win or lose the series, will Bynum emerge chastened and diminished or challenged and hungry? Will he understand why it needs to be the latter? Among the hardest transitions required by the NBA is that from player who can contribute to player who regularly does. It's a process which cannot be accomplished in one evening, but tonight will offer a glimpse into how Andrew will navigate this specific sort of turmoil.



In The Dark Knight, Bruce Wayne lamented that having ventured out into Gotham's festering crime, he returned keenly aware of what he would have to do, and become, to properly fulfill his destiny as the city's savior. Only, he wasn't sure if he was willing or able to undertake that process of growth. Tonight, Andrew Bynum will wander out into a darkened Gotham. It remains to be seen if he'll come back ready to take on all that's required for success, and if he'll know that he's supposed to. If he does, then we can expect more Game verses about him in the future. If not, should he ultimately just be some balky knees and frustrated shakes of the head, Game will have to find someone else to rap about.

There Is No Satisfaction in Singing Almost

There are so many things which I'd like to write about Dwight Howard that we should probably start with the most simple one: he's not nearly as good as he should be.

"Should" is subjective and judgmental, but really, it's a word of perfect utility right now. What else fits? Want to be objective? Want to shoehorn this obvious ineffable truth into some awkwardly fitting metric? Go ahead. If you want to tell me that the defensive player of the year, the leading all-star vote-getter, the first-team All-NBA center, the fifth-most efficient PER player has done just fine for himself (thank you, very much!), be my guest. It only proves the point. No matter what anyone says in objective defense of Howard, it only illustrates that he isn't nearly the player he should be. I mean, fine, let's do it your way: those pretty, shiny measurements don't belie the truth? You really want to tell me that oh-so-great Howard isn't underwhelming when he's the meek leader who has now twice in a row allowed his team to blow fourth-quarter leads against an opponent that is wounded and undermanned?

There is no avoiding this stark reality--precisely because Dwight Howard can otherwise be so good, that he isn't when it matters is hurtful. That he could be so much more only demonstrates that he should be. A break-out fifth season of more blocks in fewer minutes, steady authority over the defensive boards, and the occasional but expected 20-20 doesn't compensate for the fact that among "superstars," he's the one least likely to make you believe. Kobe, Lebron, CP3, Dwyane--those guys scare you, because you know they can choose victory. For that matter, who wouldn't pick a Billups, or a Pierce, or a Nash, or a Duncan before settling on Howard as a player in whom he or she will invest the confidence that a victory is only a will away? All of the misguided axiomatic reasoning that Howard is dominant means little when he so clearly isn't. As the Celtics get open looks across the court and at the rim, I don't see a defensive player who enables his teammates to be better. As the Magic live and die by the three, I don't see a pivot whose mere presence improves opportunities for the subordinates he's meant to bolster.

I get that some of it isn't his fault, but let's not forget, either, that most of it is. It is not Stan Van Gundy's pathetically panicked approach which makes Howard's hook shots awkward and ill-advised. It is not the neglect of passes which should have been thrown that limits Dwight's range. It is not the failure to work the ball inside-out which has robbed Dwight of an actual arsenal after five years. And forget the free-throw shooting; that probably wasn't even the problem on Tuesday night. Sure, it was stultifying that a 60% shooter at the stripe received the ball with 6 seconds left when trailing by three, but it was his first touch of the final three minutes because, after a series spent watching Superman stifled by an always-scowling Jimmy Olsen wearing Kryptonite green, his teammates surely had no faith that he could lead by example.

That's the great Dwight Howard? A player whose dominance has been exposed as such a charade that his own teammates are scared to throw him the ball? Dwight Howard should be better than that. His accolades and accomplishments certainly would say so. But again, I'm not relying on those perhaps objective data, because it's not the real point. Howard's frailty is like porn: you know it when you see it.

Of course, let's acknowledge the parts of this that aren't his fault. First, his coach sucks. Strategically and tactically, Stan Van has been exposed as a whiner whose strokes suggest that he'd be more comfortable in shallower water. It surely doesn't help Howard that the Magic do so little to maximize his strengths and keep him involved. (P.S. There is a sad parallel to be drawn between Robert Parish's regular ownership of Patrick Ewing as the latter's pupil is now owned by the former's successor.)

Second, in a league now made for guards and wings who move in new ways and play with new styles, the traditional notions of big men start to feel archaic. Which is not to say that they are obsolete--the Spurs have perfected a system which starts with the strengths of a traditional post. However, one can't fairly criticize Howard for all that he isn't without also recognizing that unlike, say, LeBron, Dwight is not an initiator of a class that can so easily dominate NBA basketball. He depends on others to get him the ball, to let him have some space, and so forth. A great big man can be the league's best player, or maybe the player who makes the greatest impact, as Shaq used to be. But even O'Neal needed teammates who understood him, and even O'Neal bristled at times when his teams didn't appear fully committed to the sacrifices required to extract all they could mine from him.

This last point is one worth dwelling upon for a moment: we treat big men differently. Throughout Lig history, great centers have enjoyed a unique romantic mythology. From Mikan, to Wilt, to Kareem, to Walton, to Moses, to Olajuwon, to O'Neal, it has been ever seductive to both witness and then embellish moments of domination when physical presence and prowess simultaneously illustrated the game and overpowered it. There has always been elegant simplicity behind the dunk shot, sky hook, Dream Spin, alley oop. We have memorialized the central big man as the hulking ubermacht, a tradition born of the general inclination toward celebrating a certain physical aptitude literally embodied by these biggest men. Arguably, the common narrative for a center, and the traditional role which we collectively envision, unfairly simplifies how it all works. Every great center listed above had help. Moreover, a player like O'Neal always needed an all-star wing to illustrate Shaq's own greatness, an odd cipher in which Shaq enabled a Penny, who in turn enabled a Shaq. Anfernee Hardaway ain't walking through the door in Orlando. Dwight does need some help.

Yet fairness should not substitute for honesty, and so we are back where we started: Dwight Howard should be better than he is, even once we control for bad coaches, limited teammates, and unfair notions of traditional big-man exceptionalism. None of this means that Howard won't get better, or cannot. In fact, the shortcomings of the Magic this year may ultimately serve to heighten the enthusiasm with which we congratulate Howard for an ultimate triumph. At 23, he has time to improve. But right now, not even YouTube dancing or elaborate all-star theatrics can excuse that Howard was invisible on Tuesday, did nothing to stop Sunday, and has emerged as something of a vexing enigma.

Really, he should be better than that.
 

The Gunpowder Sequence

[All part of my six-step program to get me back blogging regularly, Shoals joined me last night to chat up the Orlando-Boston game. As usual, heavy editing was done to make this sound somewhat interesting and to preserve our credibility]

Dr. Lawyer IndianChief: I want to talk about the Oscars at some point
Bethlehem Shoals: Did you see Rondo break up an alley-oop earlier? That seemed especially germane, given yesterday's post.
Dr. LIC: I give in, Rondo is good. He still kind of seems like a product of the environment, though
BS: I don't think so. It's not like he's leading the league in assists, or they're always out in transition.
Dr. LIC: I have a working theory that confidence is the only thing that distinguishes a great player from a good player. Tony Parker/Manu Ginobili were considered pedestrian before they got confidence. Now the same thing is going on with Rondo. Those guys never got better, they just got confident.
Dr. LIC: Wait, this might be an incredibly stupid theory























BS: Parker got better. He was totally one-dimensional and had terrible judgment.
Dr. LIC: What was his one dimension?
BS: Effetely fast.

Dr. LIC: Did Doc Rivers just say "ass?"
BS: Webber said "ass" earlier. "Ass day" is the new "Fan Night."

Dr. LIC: Have we discussed Bowen getting more votes than Melo, Dirk, Gasol, and Artest?
BS: That is obscene, and makes me think that All-Star voting is really lame, if San Antonio is champs at it.
Dr. LIC: That is some Obama in Iowa shit
BS: I mean, that explains why Duncan is in every year, despite everyone not caring about him.
BS: Oh one thing . .. the transition game Boston has is all because of Rondo's growth. Just wanted to get that out there.

BS: The Celtics bench is like a bad version of Animal House.

Dr. LIC: Orlando's achilles heel is their lack of home court advantage
BS: Why are there people cheering for the Celtics? Because of Doc Rivers?
Dr. LIC: Because of STARS?!
BS: Dwight Howard is a bigger star than anyone on the Celtics. He got three million votes, and none of them were from San Antonio
Dr. LIC: Probably from foreigners, though

Dr. LIC: What if Howard's dunk contest win changed him and the Magic forever?
BS: It did. And what's weird is that the media points to that more often than the Olympics as his big breakthrough, even though they aren't explicit about what the nature of the breakthrough was. It's their grudging default.
Dr. LIC: THE DUNK CONTEST IS BACK
BS: It's back with that fucking Nelson/Howard commercial. NO PANTS ALLOWED.




















Dr. LIC: I dont think I saw a single game of the Olympics. In my defsen, there is a psychology article about why people prefer watching live vs. taped sporting events, but I can't remember why
BS: Which is why you're sleeping on Wade
Dr. LIC: Wade would be so much iller if his name was pronounced Wah-day and he was Nigerian
BS: You're getting him mixed up with Iguodala. Also, people prefer live events because they don't know the outcome.
Dr. LIC: Right, but what if you still don't know the outcome?
BS: Someone does, somewhere. And it gnaws at you
Dr. LIC: Really? What about movies? Other people have seen them, they know the outcome. You don't care?

Dr. LIC: Turkoglu has sneaky length
BS: I was trying to figure out Gasol's relationship with length. It's sort of the same thing.
Dr. LIC: I thought he had a dwarf wingspan for his size
BS: It's like his arms grow as he moves them
Dr. LIC: His hair makes him an optical illusion
BS: Actually, that might be it. You expect him to dunk, but he ends up laying it in at the rim. Which makes it look like his length came out of nowhere, when in fact, it shouldn't even have come down to one of those actions that screams "length."
Dr. LIC: Yeah, but the alternative explanation is "he's just a Euro"
BS: Like he's a wuss with the length? There's no elasticity or snap to it?
Dr. LIC: I get the sense he has weak bones. No vitamin D.
BS: Umm, Gasol's wingspan is 7'5". So you can cut everything we said about its magically growing. It is just that he's a Euro.



















BS: Webber is absolutely killing it right now
Dr. LIC: Webber has nothing to lose anymore
BS: He's also like the anti-cliche machine. Has anyone else ever called out a GM in reference to all-star voting? And the pain is so real. . .

Dr. LIC: I just thought of something I found strange: I got an email from nba.com encouraging me to vote for All-Stars multiple times. They're basically begging people to screw up the system (To clarify: They want people to vote multiple times...i didn't get the message multiple times)
BS: I will say this About amare, who I don't think deserves to start: I like thinking he set up that site and YouTube campaign just so Bowen wouldn't get in. That's noble and awesome.
Dr. LIC: Amare is being bitchy this year
BS: Amare needs a coach. Also, someone should call out Shaq for not keeping amare in line/making him get through the darkness.
Dr. LIC: Kerr needs to cut his losses and fire Porter. Bring in ANYONE high profile. Or Cotton Fitzsimmons

Dr. LIC: People in San Antonio are likely unemployed => MORE VOTING
BS: I wonder how All-Star voting correlates with unemployment
Dr. LIC: The NBA city with the highest unemployment rate is Detroit
BS: Yeah, of course, but Iverson would've gotten in anyway
Dr. LIC: . . . followed by Sacramento. Damn, too bad i can't control for population with this data.
BS: DID YOU HEAR THAT, ZILLER?!?! Even Salmons is more worthy than Bowen. Come on, get on this. BTW, this from Tom last night:

Anthony Randolph was born in East Germany (Wurzbach) in 1989, six months before the Wall fell.

Donté Greene was born in West Germany (Munich) in 1988.

(I have no clue why Randolph was born under a Soviet flag. His parents are military, he grew up in Pasadena. I don't see any U.S. military installations particularly close to Wurzbach, though the town is near the West-East border.)

Dr. LIC: By the way, LeBron was six years old when House Party came out
BS: You're not allowing for sequels.



















BS: Have you ever thought about how the All-Star game helped promote small ball/positional fluidity through its refusal to designate SF/PF or PG/SG? Actually, that's probably just a throwback to when guards were more skilled and there was more SF/PF overlap instead of SG/SF overlap.
Dr. LIC: Something we always allude to but never say straight up: If you're a SF, you're basically screwed
Dr. LIC: Beasley, Durant, Carmelo, Gay can never be a one man team
BS: I can see that. The 2/3 "swingman" can handle, which is why they can be a one-man team, as in the iso era, which is why we're somehow still stuck with that overlap today. That's what's so throwback about Melo: He needs a point guard.
BS: Actually, Durant can handle. Has handle, whatever.
Dr. LIC: I remember a few years ago I was part of a focus group for Nike. They were asking us (a bunch of young folk) if there was any cool basketball slang we knew of that might be region-specific or whatever. I mentioned that it was popular for people in Minneapolis to say "poke" for "dunk." "Took your cookies" was the one that generated the most noise around the table.
Dr. LIC: All of this meaning i have no idea how to express someone's "handle".
BS: I think it's like having a head—you never really need to say it's there. You need to with "put the ball on the floor," but handle is self-evident, because it's expected that certain positions will have some handle or other.
Dr. LIC: What is Lewis?
BS: Lewis is a black Euro

BS: The Recluse used to always say that the SF was once a tweener slot. Not strong enough at shooting to be a guard, but not strong enough to play 4.
Dr. LIC: Wait, what if the 2 AND 3 are completely just tweener positions? 2's can't pass/facilitate, but are too small to play traditional small forward.
BS: Well yeah, but also the 2 and 3 get conflated. So basically everything that's not a 1 or Andrew Bynum is a mutt. Incidentally, LeBron really has no position anymore. Especially because West and Williams are both combo guards, and Big Z is shooting 3's.













Dr. LIC: Boston is going to make some insane deals at the deadline.
BS: For whom? Marion?
Dr. LIC: You're gonna see crazy people coming out of retirement. Webber. . .
BS: SHAQ
Dr. LIC: Marbury?
BS: Marion is the new Marbury.

BS: One time some Celtics moron wrote a fake "retirement of Len Bias" post, that imagined he'd never been the greatest he was supposed to be, but still ended up being darn useful.
Dr. LIC: I should do that for Malik Sealy
BS: I left a comment that mentioned the fact that some people's hearts just don't deal well with coke, it's a total crapshoot when you die. And he deleted it!
Dr. LIC: Well, IT LIVES NOW
BS: I found some public access show once of Malik Sealy's family talking about what they learned from him and how they used it to succeed in life.
Dr. LIC: Malik Sealy's family isn't doing too well last I heard. By the way, the driver who killed him has been arrested for like two DUI's since
BS: Maybe it was an old show.
Dr. LIC: I met this dude in SF a few years ago who said he ran a recording studio with Sealy in new york and it was like D&D level.

BS: Did you hear that? Rondo=confidence.
BS: You know, i think with Rondo, as with Manu, the team just had to figure out what they had on their hands.
Dr. LIC: I didn’t hear it. . . I muted it to watch this D&D All-Stars video on YouTube.
BS: Um, I thought you'd typed "it was like a D&D level"



BS: Notice, Boston as a team looks much better this year=Rondo looks better. So he's not a product of the environment, he's an integral part of it.
Dr. LIC: Nah, it's like a Moebius strip.

BS: Let me tell you why I don't like the Magic: They have the ultimate modern big man and a very effective meat and potatoes PG. And everyone else launches threes
Dr. LIC: That is NBA moneyball, though
BS: Not really, when Shard has a max deal
Dr. LIC: Well, the NBA cap situation makes REAL moneyball somewhat irrelevant. But that's the formula.
BS: 2005-06 suns are moneyball. Nash for cheap, Diaw for nothing, Marion, and a bunch of shooters.

BS: Doug Collins is now taking seriously Pierce's "i'm the best in the world" comment because he was MVP. of the finals and is underrated as one-on-one player. Pierce has become so overrated he's underrated. Plus he has self-esteem issues, which should be endearing but aren't.
Dr. LIC: I'm just going to take this opportunity to say KG's allusion to superman w/r/t pierce was SO F--KING CORNY.
BS: Superman's always corny, so it only works with corny players, i.e. big men. Otherwise, it's DOUBLE-CORNY.

BS: Wait, did Collins just intentionally imply that Reddick has problems figuring out which three-point line to shoot from? men's or womens??!?!
Dr. LIC: You know that song "Patches" by Clarence Carter? I am trying to think of some 90s rap song where the rapper sang the chorus or a version of that chorus. Does that ring any bells? It's driving me insane. First Fugees album maybe?
BS: This Turturro commercial is like the wop Love and Death.
Dr. LIC We need to interview Turturro. He has played a Jew, an Arab, a Latino, an Italian with perfect cultural sensitivity.

[redacted discussion of Ndudi Ebi]

FIN.

Green's Next Dunk: Falling Spikes

My 10 Bold Predictions column is up on TSN. The Cavs are officially my blind spot.

Apologies in advance for writing about the meaning of samples. I left grad school for a reason, and it wasn't to do the same shit around people who didn't find it novel.

Regardless, like all of you commenting down below, I kept getting stung by the Wade/ATCQ/Lou Reed collison. It was almost as jarring to me as when, in 2004, the intro to "Heroin" was used to sell a 4WD vehicle that helped you rock-climb better. That case was simply stupid, and within a few days the commercial had replaced the (wordless, but iconic as anything) guitar figure with some fifth-rate Yo La Tengo biting. Which might have very well been Yo La Tengo themselves.

Obviously, that case is different. That was an excerpt, and one that augured the entire song that followed. Here, there's a plausible excuse: "That isn't 'Walk On the Wild Side', it's the "Can I Kick It?". And as someone whose allegiances are seriously split, I'd say that, as soon as the vocals come in, I go with the latter. These days, we'd call it lazy, or a statement, to sample such a well-known song so literally. But that's how things worked then, and there's a grandfather clause at work that keeps it safe to this day.

However, that's all me. Bethlehem Shoals has been massively affected by both Tribe and Lou Reed. I've also spent way too long parsing the concept of sampling, or at least gauging my own aesthetic reactions to it. What struck me--and many of you, I'm sure--about that Wade spot was that it felt like a major fuck-up. For anyone who didn't know "Can I Kick It", or have a strong history with the song, it was Wade wandering dusky streets with "Walk on the Wild Side"'s loping gothic behind him. The "Heroin" commercial was, strictly speaking, more of a fuck-up. But at least there was this dissonance there. Here, the visual enhanced the ambiguity.

I have to think that—unless the ad agency is just fucking stupid—this ad just isn't for Boomer or Lou Reed fans. They're the only ones who will giggle at it, but they'll be drowned out by those who either don't know either song, and thus place primacy on the Tribe joint, or those who think of "Wild Side" as a decontextualized sample (I think it's hard to claim that it's playing off of the original song's meaning). But demographically speaking, they're just irrelevant. This isn't using the song "Heroin" in an ad for fitness, it's using a famous rap song, with its own set of connotations, that happens to draw on a sleaze-rock classic. There's an inside joke in there, but it's not a liability.



Anyway, the point of all that was to get to Dwight Howard. Billups texted me right after that dunk, saying (loose quote here) "everyone in that arena was thinking Soulja Boy, right?" I'd been thinking Shaq 2, but then Howard went out of his way to hammer it home: "It's my favorite song." And, if the white people didn't get it the first time, "it's like the song." Here's what's weird to me: Howard is one of the league's most wholesome rising stars. Why would he tempt fate by pushing unsuspecting fans that much closer to Urbandictionary.com?

Unless Dwight's smart about this, and knows that, when it comes to Soulja Boy, we really are living in two Americas. For some, the dance is about flying like a superhero, and that's consistent with the nice big dude Howard needs to sell. On the other hand, for plenty of people that reference is decidedly filthy, even if repetition has kind of reduced its edge to mush?

Of course, I've got to assume that Howard wants it both ways. That he wants that superhuman quality with an ear to the streets—without having the latter detected by anyone who might balk. And here, it's unequivocal: He wants it to mean two things, and it's both. It's a bolder move than Wade's commercial, which was only ever going to trip itself up with double meanings. Good thing it had insurance. Howard, he's out there without a safety net.