In typical FD fashion, we decided to chat the NBA Draft Lottery, but not the first game of Nuggets/Lakers. Shoals had zingers galore, Ty Keenan dropped PAC-10 knowledge, Dr. LIC made several WILD-ASS claims, and I took dictation.

Shoals: What would make this lottery exciting? I think if a team jumped, I'd be yelling like a cow. Could anything else?

Ty Keenan: If we're going for drama, there is a potentially interesting situation if the Warriors get #2, because Dan Fegan is Rubio and Al Harrington's agent.

Recluse: Who gets Rubio is the most (only?) exciting thing about this draft.

Shoals: Ricky Rubio has a woman's desperation in his eyes

Dr. LIC: Ricky Rubio's nickname is FOOLZ GOLD.

Is there any chance David Stern doesn't have mob connections? I mean, really.

Recluse: "We never lose date smackdowns"!!!!!!

Shoals: What else makes a man that short that confident?

Recluse: A HUGE COCK

Shoals: Welcome to the terrordome. I mean, synagogue.

Are there still actual balls?

Ty Keenan: I think it's numbered balls that come out in a sequence, and the sequence corresponds to a team.

Shoals: That sounds like some crazy robot shit, not a bingo machine.

Recluse: Brandon Jennings's Twitter is the best thing ever, by the way.

Shoals: I just realized that his Twitter actually is an oracle of sorts tonight.

Recluse: Brandon Jennings is smart. I kind of can't believe he got an SAT score red-flagged. Maybe he got a legitimately high score? Check it:

"Most Important thing about the Draft/NBA, Get on a TEAM that fits your game and kill those 3yrs and GET THAT Big 2nd contract! O yea and WIN"

Shoals: Webber would pretend he can eat a giant hamburger.

Dr. LIC: Sacramento is poised to blow next year. that is a prime coaching job.

Recluse: Wait until the lottery. There are very few game-changers in this draft.

Shoals: Magic and Bird need to be on a "Golden Girls" remake.

Shoals: How much better would this Heinekin ad be with a Kool G Rap song?

Dr. LIC: No white girl knows the non-chorus words to "Just a Friend."

Shoals: Sometimes, JVG props his chin up on his mic. JVG doing "One Mic" in hip-hop karaoke is funny to me.

Shoals: Is this a new scary Jew? Did that guy take the place of Adam Silver?

Dr. LIC: Bilas is already convinced Derozan won't be picked early enough.

Shoals: Bilas is still trying to atone for Josh Smith.

Recluse: Hey, Ty Keenan, is Harden really a better NBA prospect than Derozan?

Ty Keenan: He's just more polished, but Derozan's ceiling is much higher


Ty Keenan: Anyway, Harden plays sorta like Roy did towards the end of his time at U-Dub, but not nearly as consistent and just worse in general.

Shoals: What does Blake Griffin do in the dark that determines his greatness? Shit like a horse?

Dr. LIC: Wait, Bilas literally has Curry in the top ten? Curry is the next Redick.

Recluse: Does Brandon Jennings have a draft suit advantage since HE LIVES IN ITALY?

Dr. LIC: Lakers are a terrible matchup for Denver. Nugs could beat anyone in the East though.

Recluse: Nuggets would not beat Cavs, dude, come on.

Dr. LIC: The matchups completely favor the Nuggets: Melo cancels out Lebron (bold statement). Dahntay Jones would guard James, too. One-on-one. Billups > Mo Williams. Nene/Birdman >>>>>> ENERGY>>>>> Z and V. Melo is sneakily unguardable.

Ty Keenan: Lebron is loudly unguardable.

Shoals: This isn't worth getting into.

Dr. LIC: C-Webb at the Kings seat is sadder than Jesus at the last supper.

Shoals: In what capacity does C-Webb rep the Kings? Did he retire a King?

Dr. LIC: Also, IF THEY DONT GET THE FIRST PICK it's all his fault why would you put him through that?

Shoals: This is the lamest party in the world.
Dr. LIC:
Thorn can't lose. Oh shit: Thorn vs Colangelo in a battle of CANT LOSING!

Ty Keenan: Why is Reggie Jackson a good luck charm?

Shoals: Reggie will work for cereal.

Dr. LIC: Reggie's ego gets him into everything.

Recluse: Kevin Love looks like he's primed for his confirmation.

Ty Keenan: If Silver is there, then who was the other Jew?

Recluse: N: "Who is that ghoul?"

Dr. LIC: Adam Silver is Stern's goon.

[It is revealed that Sacramento has the #4 pick, precipitating various exclamations, many profane.]

Ty Keenan: This is so sad for Webber.

Shoals: They probably hired him to come on because they know he can take it. What hasn't that man been through or been blamed for?

Shoals: When doesn't the #1 overall matter? When the Clippers get it!

Dr. LIC: Griffin is doomed.

Ty Keenan: This guy has definitely never been on tv before.

Recluse: He's never talked to a girl before.

Shoals: He doesn't own a phone.

Dr. LIC: He owns a non-mobile phone.

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At 5/20/2009 12:06 AM, Blogger Michael said...

Great to see the return of the live blog. The biggest key that I want to touch on, though, is that I totally echo Dr. LIC's point: Griffin is doomed. It's a sad state of affairs when a place that kills All-Stars wraps up the only (maybe one of two if we include Rubio?) piece of this draft that matters. How tragic.

At 5/20/2009 12:13 AM, Blogger Jiminy Jetpack said...

clearly the story of the night revolves around the thunder. Ford's mock draft had Rubio going to the Thunder, only makes them more compelling. Sure griffin would've been epoch-shifting, but rubio definitely does add some flavor. I just wonder how transformational his presence will be - i expect more of the same style as this last year with better results, but griffin would've provided a level-up

At 5/20/2009 12:25 AM, Blogger Ben said...

Jesus, J.R. Smith is terrifying. Playing against him must be like living in some medium sized town with a serial killer on the loose. The real horror is knowing that there's no way to predict his bombs or defend against him--a dread that holds you hostage. He wasn't that good tonight but there was still a stretch where he was hanging all over that game, promising violence.

At 5/20/2009 1:46 AM, Blogger neck washington said...

I'm still befuddled by chad ford in general. The kings can't get people to come to games, so why would they draft a 'tough player' that reminds people of a frattier etan thomas? Does 'ricky&rudy&oj' trump the un-fulfilled promise of 'rudy&oj&josh'? I, for one, hope that the warriors draft austin daye, since they need a long, skinny, confusing sf to play off of anthony randolph and brandan wright.

At 5/20/2009 2:39 AM, Blogger j said...

Dr. LIC: No white girl knows the non-chorus words to "Just a Friend."

god that has been bugging me since the first time i saw it

At 5/20/2009 4:55 AM, Blogger Jed Bartlet said...


At 5/20/2009 6:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. The Kings have become such losers They even lose the lottery. And thus Malcolm Gladwell is refuted. The Draft System does not reward losing. The lottery makes sure it will not. And no fear for Memphis. Griffin and Rubio will be available at #2 and so Oklahoma will receive: Blake Griffin. lol

At 5/20/2009 6:35 AM, Blogger Joe said...

the draft system rewards losing on the slightly larger scale because the biggest losers ever won it.

who would have thought a commercial with a biz markie track could actually be angering to watch?

At 5/20/2009 7:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Recluse: Does Brandon Jennings have a draft suit advantage since HE LIVES IN ITALY?

My favorite line of the night.

Sactown will rise again. Or move to Vegas.

At 5/20/2009 12:38 PM, Blogger John said...

he owns a non-mobile phone has got to be the burn of the 10's

At 5/21/2009 1:05 PM, Blogger chris said...

Can't FD take the lead in generating buzz around Thabeet? This would send a player unlikely to make a big impact to the Clippers and give Griffin a chance to play where he'll be seen and useful.

Let me start it off by saying that Thabeet is long and has huge upside potential.

At 6/14/2013 6:02 PM, Blogger Jim Philips said...

I think that it si great that you are doing that kind of things. It feels much as a conversation. I don't know why Host Pay Per Head doesn't do that.


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