Reinvitiation to a Barf Growing

I would hope that some of you have asked yourself the question "why did Bethlehem Shoals beg for our financial support, pledge increased activity, and then fade in and out like the nuclear dawn?" Well, the answer is big and plain: I haven't had a home, and while I've experienced much hospitality, I've also been semi-visiting people since Independence Day. Now, the march appears to be over. I live in Seattle, and sign a lease tomorrow. Then, the deluge.

I also have been quite worried for my colleague Dr. LIC in these last few days, and troubled by my inability to internet-rush to his aid. You all know of him as our resident Garnett angst-pourer, but it needs to be told: dude has some seriously legitimate ties to the earliest stages of this franchise. Thus, it hurts me internally for him to say that (paraphrased) he was first and foremost a Garnett fan. KG may be the most impossibly iconic and anthemic member of the Association, the kind of folk hero whose accessibility only benefits from cartoonish vitality. However, I don't think that the Great Doctor need throw aside his affinity for the Wolves, since home teams are perfectly excusable if someone outside of your town might likewise give a fuck. I would imagine that only makes liberated fandom sweeter—it's a kind of metaphysical bragging rights.

In service to my comrade, I decided to take up the unthinkable and take an honest look at the Minnesota roster. I know that to all the world, this team smells like a smoking crater. Upon inspection, however, there are some not altogether unpleasant secrets waiting to speak to us next year. Regardless of how much they lose, the Wolves should, in my humble judgment, be a League Pass favorite. I wouldn't be amazed if I end up seeing more of them than I do the Celtics; as I noted last week, there's a lot more here to surprise and discover.

For one thing, there's that transplanted Celtics bunch. I can't even tell you who Minny's coach is at the moment (Randy Wittman, whatever that means), but there's no way he's as hamstrung as Doc Rivers. Rivers is a shaky strategist who is at his best when he lets 'em play. In Boston, however, no one knew how to play, there were too many worthy (and needy) pieces to get out on the floor in any consistent, chemistry-salting way, and the fans wanted immediate gratification. Jefferson may not be a given All-Star, but with minutes and levity's confidence, he can grow into his game next season. Ryan Gomes has one of the finest barbers in the NBA, and in the West could turn into a swank, Luke Walton-esque helper. Gerald Green may be forever lost at sea, and yet in a supposed wasteland of a team his ability to throw up a streaky 15 might not be seen as false progress.

It's historically significant that this trade went seven-for-one, since that's never happened before. It also makes it far too easy to view it as "Minnesota got a mediocre Boston team," which it's actually a young nucleus made into welcome refugees. Fine, Garnett's willingness to play in Beantown makes it safe for black people; I still can't imagine why, at this juncture in America, the Celtics would be close to anyone's ideal professional situation. Especially for the young and wary (or naive). They've been liberated, and introduced to the already relatively hilarious Wolves pack of Ricky Davis, Randy Foye, McCants, Craig Smith, and new Face of the Francise Corey Brewer. Who, to exaggerate something the Recluse said, might be the second coming of KG in a few key ways to make The Cities forget.

I can't begin to tell you that this trade made Minnesota better. But it's certainly going to do better things for the persons they acquired, and stop the nightmare of Boston's being a exercise in faulty player development and draftee over-crowding. At the very least, we should be thankful that said knot has been set loose, and that so many intriguing figures have come to roost on one cloud. And if Telfair shows up with a straight face, there will be no end to the tears and punchlines we will bleed.


At 8/05/2007 8:30 PM, Blogger dennislu said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 8/05/2007 8:31 PM, Blogger dennislu said...

I completely forgot they Traded for Juwan Howard. Dude's got to be a lil' peeved.
Also, I'll take Gerald Green when he gets into a fist (but not gun) fight with Ricky Davis

At 8/05/2007 8:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

They still got Jaric.

At 8/05/2007 9:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

at this point Juwan Howard has to feel like a babysitter amongst this bunch. i can just see him shaking his head in disbelief at some the isht that will go down during practices.

At 8/05/2007 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JCN, I think he'll probably feel more like the 40 year old working @ McDonalds who gets outshined by the kid with Down's Syndrome.

At 8/06/2007 12:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe Juwan can show Ricky how a grown man wears his facial hair.

At 8/06/2007 10:13 AM, Blogger badly drawn boykins said...

"They still got Jaric."

Yeah, but he's not old enough to dress himself, so he'd fit right in with the kids.

At 8/06/2007 10:49 AM, Blogger Unknown said...

"They still got Jaric" is almost as demoralizing as "They still got McHale".

At 8/06/2007 11:30 AM, Blogger MC Welk said...

They still have 4 years and $28 million of sadness.

At 8/06/2007 6:00 PM, Blogger personalmathgenius said...

Man, forget Minny's roster for smoking holes in the ground, look at Indiana if they get rid of JO'N (who will henceforth be known as the Martian Manhunter). Bynum, Odom, Cook, doesn't matter who they get coming back, that roster is 100% SCAT. When Troy Murphy is the closest thing you have to a star player, it doesn't matter how FD Marquis Daniel is, or how manumissioned this season stands to make him, we're talking mercy flush.

At 8/06/2007 6:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Troy Murphy is the closest thing you have to a star player"

Max Contract Mike does not approve of this comment.

But seriously, I'm looking at Patricia Bender's NBA contracts page and that's some depressing shit. They have Murph, Dunny and Jamaal Tinsley's remains locked up until '11.

At least they still have Jeff Foster.

At 8/06/2007 9:24 PM, Blogger personalmathgenius said...

Ye gods, you weren't kidding.
In the immortal words of Billups, (speaking as a less/more articulate Joe Dumars) "Yo, Chris Mullin can give Opie whatever he wants. Chris Mullin got a fucking Angel Dust problem too. That mean I gotta get me one of them?"

By capitalizing PCP, I can only assume Mullin's got an addiction to the fourth Faith No More album.

At 8/06/2007 11:09 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Larry Bird should pull a McHale, and just trade Jermaine O'Neal to the Celtics for Rondo and a future pick, then wait for Ainge to hook him up with a job after he gets fired about five years too late.


Post a Comment

<< Home