Go Go Commerce!

Like Nike needs my help in promoting this ad. But this is so classic, I have to post it. This is that strain of Nike ad-making that fueled the business up until recently, and helped create players as much as they helped create it. "The LeBrons" picked it up briefly, but this confirms what I'd been hearing: That these companies know the demand is there, and have been trying to get back to this. I definitely attribute this to Twitter, though not Obama; not sure how my theory about those two phenomena works when you introduce a third element. Regardless, this is the shit, even if it's somewhat redolent of past Undrcrwn efforts.

Stray thoughts:

-The mystery of Shard continues. I only found out recently that, rather than speaking in an affect-less whisper, dude has a thick Houston accent. How I didn't know this until recently is anyone's guess. But now he goes and raps in a way that in no way indicates his regional roots. This isn't a referendum on his skill as a rapper, though I guess bad rappers sound more generic. Just surprised me, in the same way that Delonte's bland freestyle voice did. Iverson should've set the precedent on this one!

-Where's the part, mentioned on Mo Williams's Twitter, where Iguodala saves AutoTune from stagnation? Now he doesn't even get a verse?

-Lewis looks most costumed. Williams, like that's what he wears around the house. Durant makes me think about what this ad means to people who aren't old enough to get all the references (includng him).

-Spent last night in the ID looking at Japanese teen fashion magazine. That's kind of the vibe I get from this.

-Never have I felt less like the ad world needed me. And I think that's a good thing.

-Is there going to be a backlash that demands more differentiation between West/East, or Afrocentric/gangster? It is all kind of lumped together. That's what makes the ad so great to me, but to the purist, it could be dangerous.

-Is this archaeology, a la the Jordan 9th game vid, or self-aware nostalgia?

-Mainstream-ing after the fact? Not that this stuff was so inaccessible, but rap's definitely bigger now than then.

-Back to the previous question: Exoticism, roots, or both?

-Finally: Missed opportunity that Ice Cube and Kobe appears in a Nike SB ad but failed to address the 3x2, to my mind the defining ball moment of West Coast hip-hop?

RETURN OF THE LIVE BLOG

In typical FD fashion, we decided to chat the NBA Draft Lottery, but not the first game of Nuggets/Lakers. Shoals had zingers galore, Ty Keenan dropped PAC-10 knowledge, Dr. LIC made several WILD-ASS claims, and I took dictation.

Shoals: What would make this lottery exciting? I think if a team jumped, I'd be yelling like a cow. Could anything else?

Ty Keenan: If we're going for drama, there is a potentially interesting situation if the Warriors get #2, because Dan Fegan is Rubio and Al Harrington's agent.

Recluse: Who gets Rubio is the most (only?) exciting thing about this draft.

Shoals: Ricky Rubio has a woman's desperation in his eyes

Dr. LIC: Ricky Rubio's nickname is FOOLZ GOLD.


Shoals: Is there any chance David Stern doesn't have mob connections? I mean, really.

Recluse: "We never lose date smackdowns"!!!!!!

Shoals: What else makes a man that short that confident?

Recluse: A HUGE COCK

Shoals: Welcome to the terrordome. I mean, synagogue.



Shoals: Are there still actual balls?

Ty Keenan: I think it's numbered balls that come out in a sequence, and the sequence corresponds to a team.

Shoals: That sounds like some crazy robot shit, not a bingo machine.

Recluse: Brandon Jennings's Twitter is the best thing ever, by the way.

Shoals: I just realized that his Twitter actually is an oracle of sorts tonight.

Recluse: Brandon Jennings is smart. I kind of can't believe he got an SAT score red-flagged. Maybe he got a legitimately high score? Check it:

"Most Important thing about the Draft/NBA, Get on a TEAM that fits your game and kill those 3yrs and GET THAT Big 2nd contract! O yea and WIN"

Shoals: Webber would pretend he can eat a giant hamburger.

Dr. LIC: Sacramento is poised to blow next year. that is a prime coaching job.

Recluse: Wait until the lottery. There are very few game-changers in this draft.

Shoals: Magic and Bird need to be on a "Golden Girls" remake.




Shoals: How much better would this Heinekin ad be with a Kool G Rap song?

Dr. LIC: No white girl knows the non-chorus words to "Just a Friend."


Shoals: Sometimes, JVG props his chin up on his mic. JVG doing "One Mic" in hip-hop karaoke is funny to me.

Shoals: Is this a new scary Jew? Did that guy take the place of Adam Silver?

Dr. LIC: Bilas is already convinced Derozan won't be picked early enough.

Shoals: Bilas is still trying to atone for Josh Smith.

Recluse: Hey, Ty Keenan, is Harden really a better NBA prospect than Derozan?

Ty Keenan: He's just more polished, but Derozan's ceiling is much higher

Shoals: POLISHED LIKE A SEAL

Ty Keenan: Anyway, Harden plays sorta like Roy did towards the end of his time at U-Dub, but not nearly as consistent and just worse in general.

Shoals: What does Blake Griffin do in the dark that determines his greatness? Shit like a horse?

Dr. LIC: Wait, Bilas literally has Curry in the top ten? Curry is the next Redick.

Recluse: Does Brandon Jennings have a draft suit advantage since HE LIVES IN ITALY?



Dr. LIC: Lakers are a terrible matchup for Denver. Nugs could beat anyone in the East though.

Recluse: Nuggets would not beat Cavs, dude, come on.

Dr. LIC: The matchups completely favor the Nuggets: Melo cancels out Lebron (bold statement). Dahntay Jones would guard James, too. One-on-one. Billups > Mo Williams. Nene/Birdman >>>>>> ENERGY>>>>> Z and V. Melo is sneakily unguardable.

Ty Keenan: Lebron is loudly unguardable.

Shoals: This isn't worth getting into.


Dr. LIC: C-Webb at the Kings seat is sadder than Jesus at the last supper.

Shoals: In what capacity does C-Webb rep the Kings? Did he retire a King?

Dr. LIC: Also, IF THEY DONT GET THE FIRST PICK it's all his fault why would you put him through that?

Shoals: This is the lamest party in the world.
Dr. LIC: Thorn can't lose. Oh shit: Thorn vs Colangelo in a battle of CANT LOSING!

Ty Keenan: Why is Reggie Jackson a good luck charm?

Shoals: Reggie will work for cereal.

Dr. LIC: Reggie's ego gets him into everything.

Recluse: Kevin Love looks like he's primed for his confirmation.



Ty Keenan: If Silver is there, then who was the other Jew?

Recluse: N: "Who is that ghoul?"

Dr. LIC: Adam Silver is Stern's goon.

[It is revealed that Sacramento has the #4 pick, precipitating various exclamations, many profane.]

Ty Keenan: This is so sad for Webber.

Shoals: They probably hired him to come on because they know he can take it. What hasn't that man been through or been blamed for?

Shoals: When doesn't the #1 overall matter? When the Clippers get it!

Dr. LIC: Griffin is doomed.

Ty Keenan: This guy has definitely never been on tv before.

Recluse: He's never talked to a girl before.

Shoals: He doesn't own a phone.

Dr. LIC: He owns a non-mobile phone.

AT LAST

Feels like I've been waiting all of FD's life for this to turn up.

Proceed below for some Quentin Richardson projection.

UPDATE: Holy crap. Via Zillz, Gerald Wallace with some choice quotes on his future in Charlotte, and the devil that's taken over there:

"My agent called me and he had talked to (GM) Rod (Higgins) and those guys ..." Wallace said. "I said, 'Well, I'm in Alabama with my kids. Call me if I've got to move.' That was it."

"He's trying to break me out of the one-man defensive thing," Wallace said. "He wants all five guys to play defense. ... If you go for those steals and miss and the way you're going to leave your teammates hanging."

Of course, I've edited out the parts where Brown suggests that Wallace is his kind of player, because I'd never believe anything that snake says for a second. And hearing that Wallace is being asked to stop being a "one-man defensive thing" positively sinks my ship.

"FREE DARKO" was stupid, "FREE AMIR" only a matter of time. But at this point in his career, "FREE GERALD" would be as big a downer as I can imagine.

Scoff and File

First, feel the rage of Dr. LIC's nightlife. And before this post gets any further, know that I don't agree with him that Garnett is "secretly boring", but am proceeding from his "KG has become hardened and humorless" line.

Last night's game changed many people's lives. I was not one of them, and as such feel like I should recuse myself from these Finals. Not because I'm some abject Lakers homer, or even blinded by my allegiance to Kobe Bryant (a purely invented one, right?). It's just become clear to me that the swirl of emotions I'm dealing with here have little or no relationship to ways and means of the 2008 Finals. So allow me to air these grievances one last time, take my lumps, and then disappear unless we end up going seven (we won't).

-My better half and I were supposed to go to some hot film festival ticket about Indians and human trafficking. Then she remembered grad school, and I was left driving downtown with a choice to make. The series wouldn't come back to life unless the Lakers one, but I didn't want to miss something important. So I drove to Jamal Crawford's bar, where I got to hear a bunch of Boston fans shout "Jesus" (Spanish pronunciation), "HAAAAAAUS", and not much else, and the Lakers contingent exhort LA to "shut 'em down," as if that were the reason for the collapse. I don't drink, and in a bar, really all there is to latch onto is the broad, basic endeavor of watching the scoreboard and bitching about fouls. It's hard to take in the game on any more subtle, informed, or non-hysterical level. That's why I kept nodding off during the third.



-Kobe Bryant is fascinating and supremely talented, but I wish there would be a gag order on him. Like Iverson once was, he gets people talking at length, which I guess is good. But it's always so tense, tendentious, and boring that I just don't care. Face it people, arguing about Kobe is like arguing about religion. It's never going to be a friendly, rational conversation. It's the grown folks equivalent of boo/yay, or Republican/Dem (circa when that mattered). I am beginning to realize that the Celtics are like this too, and the Lakers in general. I guess hatred is a solid emotion, but that's message board shit. And at the risk of sounding like an out-of-touch sports snob, I'm simply not that interested in that thick, poison air.

-I've been strangely oblivious to how hard it is to talk about the Lakers without falling into those tarpits. People, Kobe is a weird human being. As athletes go, try and find who better fits the old Greek stories. Lamar Odom is as close as this site gets to a patron saint, assuming that the expensive ones are all taken. Gasol/Odom is truly a thing of beauty. Farmar is an athletic Jew. I could care less about Los Angeles; I've never even been there. And it's not even like I relished every moment of the Shaq/Kobe dynasty—fine, I liked seeing Kobe win, because I selfishly like feeling like I'm witnessing greatness. But if anyone thinks for a second that I had more emotion invested in them than I did those Kings teams they vanquished, they need to check the archives. Webber belong in the same class as Odom and pre-Boston Garnett, the players whose plight fueled this blog for years.

-About Boston, again: It's true, I've spent a lot of time there and don't like it. And the Celtics endless history lesson annoys me, as I'm sure the Los Angeles one does, too. But admit it, that's not played up, exploited, even, in quite the same way. Here, though, I really just don't like this team. The defense is absolutely freaking amazing; what they did during the comeback proved that it doesn't take Josh Smith to land on the right side of my creative/destructive binary. That was like the anti-matter triangle, a system so forceful that it made the Lakers into scavengers.



But here's what really gets me, as articulated by someone who has seen only a few Celtics games this years: Except for the truly transcendent stretches of defense, this isn't a "greater than the sum of the parts deal" team. It's everyone involved, slightly muted, pieced together like a puzzle. Really, does this team scream "chemistry" to anyone? That's my team/individual beef. Teams should be about chemistry from beginning to end, not functionality. Again, I get that from the defense when it's really on, but the rest of the time, this team just does nothing for me.

And then there's the most flimsy, and maybe pathetic, reason: As I've said a zillion times already, three players I once really liked seem changed to me. Maybe it's the above stuff about the style, and what it's done to their games. Maybe it's the all-business attitude, or the corporate sheen that the 21st century Celtics were born to emit. I just know, however puerile this may sound, that Garnett's about to get a ring and I feel nothing. Actually, last night when he hit that wise-intelligent floater over Gasol down the stretch, I looked up and realized I was sitting under a signed KG Wolves jersey, with a photo of the younger, more vital Garnett bending and flexing all limbs at once mid-air. No shit that sounds like an objectification of the black body, except I could care less about him getting to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the honor of Hondo.

At this point, I really don't give a fuck who laughs at this, dismisses me as only liking obscure players, or claims it's all in my mind. Also I find it fascinating that I had no interest in Paul Pierce when he sunk into utter infamy, or now when he's riding totally high. Go take that one apart. But please, for the sake of my sanity, take a look at these videos from The Big Three before they existed, and tell me if you don't think some of that personality is gone. Sacrificed in the name of teleology, when I really wish they could've survived, on and off the court, with style intact. There is nothing wrong with a little frivolity or excess, right?

Also, fuck everyone.





.

A Grim Welcome

This day is way too much like the big French dinner I had last night. Both have left me stupefied, and capable only really of reflecting on my own mortality—or, as it were, the mortality of my ability to process basketball in a meaningful way. I've taken down that other post, since it confused me.

Did want to mention this, though:

"You can say I destroyed the game, but maybe you need to stop making excuses."

I don't think any kid says "Jordan made such a mess of this sport that I don't need a jumper." It would make more sense if MJ were addressing a roomful of old white men, trying to convince them that really, they do like the NBA. They just don't know it yet, or won't admit it.

Hey, here's our Deadspin preview of Nuggets/Lakers.